[SubmissiveGuyComics is also doing a post for our NaBloWriMo project, though he’s hiding some of them on Twitter so if you aren’t following him, you should… ]
There is a lot to be said for being able to see how potential partners interact with others.
I have met pretty much all of my submissives online, so before we meet, the most I can see of them beyond our private interaction is how they communicate with others on social media, and wow, is it telling.
In isolation, they get to be whoever they want, their best selves, the person who wants to impress.
But if I can see them in discussion forums, on facebook, on twitter, on their blog, I get a much wider sense of ‘who they are’ as people because they aren’t behaving in a certain way solely to present a particular persona to me.
And wow, it’s so telling.
Some of them might not even know I’m looking at them, but if I’m at all curious, you can bet I am.
Recently, I noticed a submissive man because of his posts in some discussions. They were smart, well reasoned, unconventional, strident opinions. I looked at his profile, not quite a fit, but still really appealing, tall and good looking. I sent him a complimentary note, he responded sweetly, but didn’t open up further discussion. That was okay, I would pursue it if I decided it was worth it.
And I watched him with interest.
And slowly, I changed my opinion of him without ever talking further with him. He expressed his thoughts strongly and with intelligence, but would think nothing of belittling opinions and people he didn’t agree with. He didn’t display any awareness that he was being insulting to people, and when called on it, he got angry and more aggressive, belligerently refusing to acknowledge any mistake on his part, blaming everyone else, and then declaring himself a victim and refusing to let the issue go.
It didn’t at all matter to me whether he was right or wrong in those arguments (and to be fair there was misunderstanding and blame on both sides, but he was at the centre of this happening more than once), the fact that he relentlessly hammered at the dead horse without seemingly any capacity to empathise or seek reconciliation was more than enough for me to go ‘aw hell no!’
It’s a thing I love about the internet: people reveal themselves unintentionally in so many different ways and that light often illuminates them better than they will ever realise.
So yeah, unsurprisingly I never did pursue that conversation with him…
I have noticed that same tendency in myself. Some time ago, I was looking through some things that I had posted in a news group, where I had been banned for “incendiary comments” and looking at them now, (I sometimes keep copies of my posts) I can’t believe that I wrote some of those things.
By putting some time between the heat of the moment, when they were posted, and now, I can see where they would have caused offense. Thank you for the reminder that what we say is a reflection of who we are. It is a lesson I keep having to remind myself of.
That’s interesting coming from you.
I’ve never seen you be anything other than kind and compassionate and thoughtful out there on the internet.
I think the internet is particularly interesting in this because unlike real life discussions, that stuff is ‘out there’ forever, so if someone knows your ID, they can find it years and years after the fact. And people change.
I appreciate your thoughts, thank you.
I think that is an important part of getting to know someone in face to face as well. But your highlighting this is really helpful, I think, as we tend not to think about doing it when we are relating to people.
I think that you have just brought into focus and important aspect of learning about people that works both on-line and in person. And I think it is very helpful to be aware of it.
Thanks! Good food for thought…
Thanks Greg, and yes face-to-face out in public it’s so much easier to see how people are ‘in the world’, I mean, you HAVE to see it, it’s unavoidable and it’s an unconscious information-gathering exercise. How do they treat waiters, talk to a bartender, interact with traffic while driving, react when someone bumps into them etc.
Online it’s much easier to hide things, not even on purpose (though certainly then!): the medium supports it very well, which is why I like it when they have a broader internet presence.
Me, though, I’m everywhere. EVERYONE KNOWS EVERYTHING! *laugh*
Love this post!
The web is a magnifying glass into people and their filters. A wonderful tool to see what people say and how they respond to discussions, images etc. I learn a lot about potential submissive men that way also. What images are they consistently commenting and loving on? How do they describe themselves on their profile and is that how they relate to me privately?
A great window to peer through.
Oh yes, all of that!
Yeah, I kinda like the guy too, even if he’s a little too confrontational. I suggested he consider not reacting at all, and he thanked me and kept on going as before. Go figure.
My own posts, on the other hand, are full of insight and wit. Impossible not to like.
I’m sure I don’t know who you are talking about!
Naturally your posts are full of insight and wit, and you never ever would poke at the bears just for fun. Oh no, never! :P