I recently had a birthday (how did you miss it?! I was bleating on endlessly about it…).
I’m 48 now, and saying that out loud gives me a bit of a shock. I’m not sure what 48 is supposed to feel like, but like a lot of people as they get older, I don’t *feel* as old as my years so when I say it out loud, I’m mentally going “WTF?!!”.
I felt 32 for a long long time after that year had passed. I really don’t know why. It’s just the age I felt. Now, I’d put that as closer to 35. Again, I don’t really know why that is or what that age feels like exactly. It just is.
Not so long ago, I answered a few questions on getting older and how I’m dealing.
Q: Do you fight the signs or will you go gently into that good night?
I will never go gently if by that you mean ‘laying down and doing nothing while I wait to decay’. I don’t like what age is doing to my face and body and yes, I’m fighting it.
Mentally and emotionally, I’m strong, and my ‘don’t give a fuck’ is as healthy as it has ever been, though I guess it has been pretty robust for the last 15 years or so already.
Q: Do you feel the “pressure” to look good in fetish/kink wear or it doesn’t matter?
I don’t wear fetish gear, so it’s irrelevant, but I still want to look good in normal clothes (and out of them!).
Oh wait! I have a corset!! I think I look good in it. But pressure? No.
I’m very aware that when I was younger, I literally didn’t have to do any work to look fit (thanks mum and dad for good Dutch genes!), so I am used to seeing myself in a certain way, and there is now a mind-body disconnect that I don’t like.
So I don’t feel *pressure* as such, but I’m vain and stubborn and proud, and I want to be the best I can be (as I define it). And if I want to close the gap in that disconnect, I have to do the work. So I do the work.
Q: Do you feel the pressure to work out, buy products, and go under the knife? And if so, who puts that pressure on you: the outsiders or yourself?
I would be naive to think that any of my desires related to my appearance are purely independent thought unrelated to other influences given the unrelenting social pressure on women to look a certain way, but it doesn’t *feel* like external pressure to me. By that I mean that I don’t feel it from others and I don’t look at (say) popular media and think I should look like anything that is represented there.
Frankly, being ‘of a certain age’ now, I feel *less* pressure to look a certain way than I probably did when I was younger. It’s as if you get a ‘pass’ at a certain age because you become sexually invisible and romantically irrelevant.
Personally I don’t feel that, but socially and biologically, older women being attractive is not ‘important’ (to me it feels like a patronising pat on the head that communicates ‘It’s okay, dear, it doesn’t matter any more because nobody cares…’).
Having said all that, I think that older dominant women have a distinct romantic advantage in the D/s world because experience and maturity are seen as having value, and that makes me pretty damn happy. While ‘cougars’ in the vanilla world exist, and they have their admirers, it seems to me that it’s much more common for younger submissive men to *ignore* age and not consider it a relationship barrier. I’m more than perfectly okay with that.
Anyway, I’m with Einstein on the whole age thing:
“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.”
– Albert Einstein (1879-1955)