At the gym. Doing triceps. First set. Earphones in, music loud. I don’t talk to anyone at the gym.
In my rest period, a hugely built, bald man hovered around the machine, I saw his mouth move. Talking to me.
I removed an earbud.
“Can I work in with you here?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
I watched him move the pin to the very bottom of the weight stack.
“I just have to remember to change the weight before my turn,” I joked.
He smiled at me. “Well, you’re tiny,” he said.
I made a face, “I’m working on it…”
“No no… you’re good!” he sounded apologetic, “I mean, compared to me, you’re tiny…”
I smiled. “Yeah…”
I put my earbud back in. I realised he was still talking to me, still explaining, something about how he was really big and I was not. I removed the earpiece again and caught the tail end.
“… you look great…” He looked embarrassed.
I smiled, “Well, thank you.”
As we worked in, he was really sweet. Making idle chit chat. Asking what weight I wanted as he finished so he could change the pin for me. Got the weight wrong on one (too heavy!), I laughed and called him on it after I had done 3 reps and wondered why I was struggling.
“You obviously aren’t to be trusted!” I accused him.
He stammered an apology and then was impressed when I finished the set at the heavier weight anyway. Pure pride and stubbornness on my part.
I finished triceps with a new personal best. Biceps were in his vicinity also. I knew he was watching. Again a new personal best.
So, I’ve been saying that I like to see the pretty when I work out, that it motivates me. He wasn’t pretty. Just big. But obviously what works just as well for me is a witness, not to push, but just to trigger my stubborn pride and make me try harder because someone is watching.
Sounds about right.
I can’t NOT mention this because it made me laugh: The guy had a hard-on at one point. I WAS NOT STARING AT HIS CROTCH, I just was looking generally at him, I noticed, and looked away. Then I made a special effort not to look again because I’m sure he would have been totally horrified if he had seen me notice *laugh*.
I am (as always, it seems) struggling with motivation. I feel like I have stalled, which makes me feel like I am spinning my wheels. I feel this even though I know I am getting stronger (heavier weights) because I am not *seeing* visible progress. My December photo looks much like my October one to me (you can see them side by side in the sidebar here).
I have a sore back at the moment due to two hours sitting on concrete for a child’s graduation ceremony. I have skipped cardio due to it, though it’s an excuse really, since I could really get on the bike. Deliberately choosing to skip sessions is a really bad sign. Previously, regardless of how I felt, I would still go. I am starting to slip.
The lead-up to Christmas doesn’t help with motivation. More socialising, more travel, more drinking, more eating… all that.
I’ve had a chat with a personal trainer who will discuss my program with his nutritionist partner, and they will come up with some suggestions for me to kick it up. He has stressed diet (and I know he’s right), and that I won’t get to where I want without nailing that properly. I am hoping that whatever they come up with will re-motivate me. I won’t change anything until the new year so I guess I just do the best I can manage in the next couple of weeks, and then see.