I already mentioned that I met another submissive when I was visiting e. We have kept in close touch, and have developed this very intense ‘thing’ (I am not quite sure what to call it exactly).
When we met, I was still emotionally wrapped up with e as we petted each other a little and built our friendship in the aftermath of it not working out. My emotions don’t just switch off when they were engaged, so I wasn’t aiming predatory eyes at him when we got together, even though the frisson of the dynamic between us was clearly humming, if not crackling.
There is no D/s in our interactions now either, though we flirt with it a little, as we did when we met, but I am not playing with it, or with him. We email a lot (I think the record was 43 in a day), we have had 9 and 10 hour phone calls, and topics of conversation are wide ranging and interesting. He is one of those incredibly rare and fascinating people who is capable of being so completely open that his emotions are right there on the table, piled high, all complex and tangled and lit up like sparklers.
His physical reactions to me are shocking in their unfathomable being and intensity. They are shocking to him as a grown man whose responses are suddenly so foreign that they frighten him a little, who feels like he can’t quite understand his own body suddenly. And they are shocking to me because they are the kind of reactions I might expect if we were playing, and playing intensely. But we aren’t.
Emotionally, he is caught up in this exchange with me, it is intimate and sweet and revealing. I get a lot out of this with him for a million different reasons, all of which boil down to the relatively simple fact that I enjoy him very much. I find his openness completely fascinating: it is so very rare, and one of the qualities I am in absolute awe of. And, of course, having the rapt attention of a smart, funny and fabulous man who looks at me ‘that way’ is intoxicating and beyond lovely.
He is a newbie, so contributing in no small part to this maelstrom is the fact that he is discovering himself with me, and that is an immensely powerful place to be. I am privileged to be involved in it, to be metaphorically holding his hand and literally whispering in his ear.
I worry about him getting hurt, and we have talked about this. His view is that he may never feel like this again, and he is willing to wear the cost in order to experience it. Personally, I love that sort of bravery, and think it makes perfect sense because when you have the chance to feel something amazing, it seems to me that you should grab it with both hands. But I still worry and fret over him and the inevitable crash.
We have also talked about what ‘this’ is with us and where it goes, and the answer is that it is unlikely to go anywhere. If he was in the same city as me, I would absolutely spend time with him to see what’s what, but my appetite for spending thousands on yet another first (fourth!) date is low. If he wants to see me, I will happily come and visit on his dime, but he is not in a position to make that happen right now.
I keep telling him that with time he will get over the intensity of his feelings but he is not having it, he simply doesn’t believe me. We are now at the point where we joke about it. The other night when he went to bed just after 4am instead of staying up all night to talk to me, we had this little exchange:
Me : …voluntary bedtime before 5am! See, I told you it would wear off… heh.
Him: I know. It’s *totally* wearing off. And by ‘totally wearing off’ I mean ‘not wearing off at all’.
So story-wise, this is a rather self contained one, but still one worth telling for the sweetness I am gleaning from it. It is what it is, and I am happily enjoying this ‘thing’ for as long as it is a ‘thing’ to be enjoyed.
You have a thing with a Jay. I have a something with a J. Is it my week to share the brain or yours?
Meh, you can keep it for a while. I’m not using it for anything productive, except swearing at the fucking cats.
All this mentioning of Jays/Js, I really hope for all of us readers that one of them is this Jay, because that would make for some epic blog fodder: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bLy26TwtyI
Well, one of them *might* be that Jay, but I can confidently say that mine isn’t.
Yay! This made my day.
Yay!! I’m glad to have made your day!
Lots of things have made my day today.
Now it’s a long night of essays. Lol.
Completely goofed on the posting and can’t edit :/
I was going to add that this was one of the more awesome things today.
I went through a tough time with a woman, a friend, I loved. Looking back, from a point of sanity, the maybe worst thing she could have done was not let me try to bang my head against a wall (for too long a time). If she had decided she was too worried about me and disengaged, I’m not sure I could have gotten over that.
Not that the way it played out was easy, either. That’s not advice, by the way, just a comment.
I can understand that.
“If she had decided she was too worried about me and disengaged, I’m not sure I could have gotten over that.”
I think this is a really tricky judgement to make. I mean we are talking about grown-arsed adults who can make their own decisions, but there is also a sense of responsibility (and guilt and worry) if you are a party to someone getting hurt.
I think if you (general ‘you’) talk about it honestly and openly, then you are each in the best position to decide how to proceed. Deciding what risks you are willing to take, and at what point you need to stop banging that head can be reassessed as you go forward.
I am glad that your head banging was the better path for you, even if it still wasn’t a cake walk.
Gregory, you make a point. You took your chance with your friend. It was a tough time. But still you do not regret taking your chance.
Ferns, it is good to talk and be open. It is normal and nice that you want to be careful with Jay’s heart.
It is good to be careful. Then, to be on the safe side, you keep a big ocean in the way as well. Could Ferns fear to get close but not know it? You Ferns did ask that question before. Then you said that you would need time to think some more.
Be happy, and have fun.
Oh and you must be careful not to be too careful.
You must be careful with that.
Have you made any firm holiday plans?
Ref: …my appetite for spending thousands on yet another first (fourth!) date is low. If he wants to see me, I will happily come and visit on his dime, but he is not in a position to make that happen right now.
Dear Ferns, please wave your finger to freeze the seas for Jay to walk across to you.
Since you are being cautious with this AND because of all the doubts, I’m thinking this one IS different – it may take longer and have more bumps but I’m already wondering what you are going to name your first child and will you post pictures of the wedding? ;) Ok, slight exaggeration, but as you said – if you can feel something amazing, go for it.
*laugh* Well you wonder away, Clarence… enjoy!!
This feels slightly familiar to me. Though with more meeting involved.
I missed this comment (or more accurately, I think you were on a wonderful comment-frenzy at the time, and I couldn’t respond to them all…).
I tend to think that the impossibility and distance of these things can lend them a power they might otherwise not have with more exposure. Your experience sounds more like a ‘real life friend crush’. I think those are lovely too, though I also think there is MORE risk in them for a bad ending.
Having a “thing” is awesome making if both are okay with allowing it to be a thing. It can be beautiful in its experience. I am the same way in that the being allowed to experience something so amazing that you have never felt before and afraid you will never experience again. I welcome the hurt in the end any day to experience the power of the journey. You can allow yourself to learn, experience, feel, and grow in that beautiful thing as much as she will allow you. Yes things can be happy making.
Thank you for commenting way back here.
*smile* I agree. I think having ‘a thing’ can be really sweet, and I think each person has to judge what they are willing to risk and how much it will cost them and whether it’s worthwhile.
It is now over a year since I wrote this. Our relationship has gentled into something more muted, and still valuable. I still enjoy him.
Our contact now has natural peaks and troughs, though coincidentally, we exchanged some 20 odd emails yesterday with some interesting discussion about sociopaths. We both did tests. Neither of us are. Phew!
“Thank you for commenting way back here.” It was my pleasure you look almost as good from the rear as you do from the front ~grinz~
“I think each person has to judge what they are willing to risk and how much it will cost them and whether it’s worthwhile”
This is true. I will dive headfirst for an experience but only if I have determined it is worthwhile otherwise what is the point.
Great thanks a lot now I have to go do a self-diagnosis and determine if I am a sociopath. I had an pissed off ex call me a psychopath once does that count? lmao