We have a good day today as a family. Breakfast out, eggs benedict and good coffee, shopping at a nursery for trees for the garden, some time reading, I work on some computer problems, we cook dinner together, we have champagne.

I propose a toast to my mother, who we wish was here with us, but isn’t, we touch glasses.

I sit quietly beside my father, and he cries; this from a man who I have seen shed tears only a handful of times in my life. I am grateful he is ok to do it with me there, he pats me awkwardly as I hug him, he sobs quietly, I kiss his wrinkled, sun-hardened face.

Today, it has been a year since she died.

Tonight I cry in the shower after everyone is already in bed.

Tomorrow is another day. It’s life. We are just not used to endings.

Loves: 8
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  1. It's good to have family to hold on to in such difficult times. I know that this last year has been hard for your father I am equally certain that you have played no small part in seeing him through it in spite of having to deal with difficulties of your own.

    Best wishes and warm thoughts to you and yours as you move forward together.

  2. Sending you big,tender hugs and gentle pats blended with warm thoughts, Häagen-Dazs Crème Brulée, vanilla vodka and Frangelico in a frosty tall glass the color of a brilliant rainbow garnished with a bright green sprig of laughter and joy.

    Na Zdrowie, Ma'am!


  3. I've tried writing this a few times, I'm not great at comforting, but it makes me sad to know that you're sad. I can hardly imagine what it must be like to lose a parent.

    I'd prescribe milk, cookies, and Buffy dvds, but that might just work for me.

  4. I'm sure she would be happy to know that you were there for each other through the roughest patches. So very sorry for your loss… it's one of the few losses in life that we never heal from. May the scar on your heart remind you of many happy memories and tomorrow bring a new and bright day.

    virtual hugs to you

  5. Ooooh Ferns,
    We lost my mom last year as well.
    My heart goes out to you and your family.

    I am so glad your dad could accept your comfort and that you were there to offer it for him.

    I hope as you continue to work your way through this loss that good memories will accompany you and that you can accept comfort as well.

  6. Mz Fern, Sad. I mixed up your name in a comment box to another blogger (Top_Kat). You both write erotica I have enjoyed. My father passed on recently so I can empathize. ~~~/;;/| spider

  7. Our society really does not do endings well. So many bottle it up, put on a brave face and pretend they are okay. So glad your dad could cry, especially in your presence. Your tears in the shower equally wonderful. Thanks for sharing this personal slice of family life.

  8. 6 years since my Mum died… it gets easier to deal with the loss, but never will you forget. I think about her every single day, especially when I look at my 1 old year baby daughter

  9. Thank you so much everyone, for the sweetness here. I will not reply to each comment, but I do want to say that your kindness is SO welcome and touching and it really does make a difference. So thank you for it.

    To close it off, I am really glad that we spent a few days together around this time. As a family we don't talk about my mother's death… we did not acknowledge my parent's wedding anniversary or my mother's birthday, both of which were earlier this year. I debated whether we should let this lie as well, but I am very glad that we spent the time together, brought it into the light, and did some quiet grieving. Life goes on.


  10. I am just now reading this. Were did August go? I spent most of it in My cave, coming out with half a brain, to sometimes stumble about. Careful not to bite the heads off My loved ones. It took a while, but in finding the right path again, I can find Myself.

    I can not imagine losing My mother. (((((((Fern))))))))

    On that day though, I lost Him. That was the day He (My Husband) died too………..
    *sharing tears*

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