“You are most welcome in my lair, in my rope, and in my bed”
It’s rare that I offer anything casual to anyone, but even though our different communication styles meant there was nowhere to take anything longer term, I like him and there was much fun to be had with him. Plus, I mean, look at him: Oh my.
I didn’t work to make anything come of it because while I was open to it with him, casual anything is still not a thing that sits comfortably with me for reasons I’ve talked about many times.
It’s been a while now, we are both still single and having little luck finding our respective loves out in the world, and last week he asked if my offer was still on the table.
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Snippets of things I’ve said, no context, for when my brain isn’t firing up enough to write anything of substance.
Am I sitting on your dick right now? Then no, I don’t care.
If dominance doesn’t mean ‘getting the kind of sex I want’ I wouldn’t bother. I can do ‘getting the kind of sex men like and approve of within the very narrow confines of their expectations’ in the vanilla world.
I seriously have to point out how I linked ‘arsehole’ and ‘taint’ there…
If you just want to receive pleasure from your sub in whatever way you like it, then just… do that.
I’m a big fan of ‘do as I say, not as I do’.
Him: Being hot and sexy and charming and adorable and irresistible Her: Being driven so wild by his crazy hot and sexy irresistability that she is compelled to tear him to shreds in a frenzy of passionate violence
I think your ‘stop fucking with the newbies’ is perfect
I’m going with ‘just stupid’.
Getting what you want is as dominant as it gets.
HEY ARSEHOLE THAT’S SOME A-GRADE BULLSHIT YOU’RE SPOUTING THERE YOU MISOGYNIST FUCKFACE
I have been known to do a De Niro level of ‘Are you talkin’ to me? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?!” on occasion before I go all Taxi Driver on his arse
Want to ask me something? Pop on over to my Ask Me page and do it (though if it’s something time-critical, I suggest you ask your question pretty much anywhere else…!). It’s completely anonymous, even to me, so nobody will know it was you…
Sunshine is dating again. It’s not surprising: Good men don’t sit on the shelf for long.
A very nice (thoughtful, funny, kind etc) vanilla woman with children, she lives close by, he seems to like her quite a bit even if she’s maybe not going to be the (a?) great love of his life. Or maybe she is, who knows with these things.
I’m not sad about it, nor do I have any regrets. He’s a sweetheart and he deserves to be happy. If he can find that with a lovely vanilla woman, then more power to him. It’s an easier path that’s for sure.
He really does believe that there are no other dominant women like me, and I think he means that on an objective level in terms of ‘qualities you can put on a list’, and he also means ‘with whom I would feel this connection’. I don’t think that’s true, but dating is hard, and a crap shoot, and adding D/s compatibility into the mix increases the complexity of it. I don’t blame him one bit for heading back into the vanilla pool where he can get a date like that *snaps fingers*.
While there was a bit of question around chemistry for me, ‘slow burns’ are a thing and I’d have been happy to explore that further with him had circumstances been different. But the distance made getting together difficult, and living a life that revolves around children for the next 10+ years is not something I’m interested in. I have ‘no dependants’ on my dating profile because I know what does and doesn’t work for me. Sunshine charmed me into meeting despite my reservations. And I find so few genuine quality submissive men that I wanted to dip a toe in anyway (and, you know, have some fun. Ahh fun, I remember that… *wistful sigh*).
I did learn from the experience with sunshine that I can’t compromise on basics. I mean, I knew that, but normally that means I don’t try because it’s a waste of both of our time. I don’t consider the time spent with him a waste at all, so the question then becomes ‘is it worth the time and effort with someone incompatible if there is some joy to be gleaned from it even if you know exactly what the outcome will be’?
I have no good answer for that. I think if I was a different kind of person, the answer would be ‘hell yes!’ But I’m an introvert who hates meeting people, so the return on effort is dubious at best. I have no regrets at all about making an exception for sunshine: I was lucky to spend a bit of time with him, but my initial reservations were spot-on.
As it is now, we chat most days. I expect that will tail off as he invests more energy in someone new. Or I do. That’s how it goes, and that’s okay.
I haven’t reactivated any dating profiles. I guess I should. Or at least go prowling around.
This is a ‘how to get rid of a Twitter shadowban’ public service announcement for anyone whose Twitter account has been shadowbanned long term.
I posted about my Twitter shadowban (what it is, how it works, and the wider issue for adult content creators on social media platforms), way back in October last year. My account was shadowbanned before that and had been shadowbanned ever since.
After trying everything anyone threw at me as worth trying, I finally gave up on that account as terminally shadowbanned and started over with a new Twitter account. Ugh.
Yesterday the Twitter shadowban on my original account was lifted.
What inadvertently worked for me was ‘misbehaving’ so that my account got restricted by Twitter. When I followed the instructions to unrestrict it, my shadowban was also lifted.
Note: This is not worth doing UNLESS you have been shadowbanned for ages. Most shadowbans are short term (a few days, a week) and then it gets lifted automatically (presumably after you have learned some lesson even though nobody will tell you what lesson it is that you are supposed to have learned…).
I removed all app authorisations (auto-tweets of blog posts, old post tweetery, posts to facebook, random ‘whatevers’ etc) from the account and and locked it (not sure any of that made a difference, but just including it to be thorough)
I removed my cellphone number from the account settings
I stopped posting manual tweets on that account
I set up a NEW auto-tweet for that account using IFTTT.com (‘If This Then That’). The tweet essentially said ‘this account is no longer active’ and included a gif. It was configured to go out once every three days
Twitter flagged my account as ‘restricted’ after two of those auto-tweets were posted because it identified them as spam (repeat auto-tweets of the same text = spam). This despite the fact that they were several days apart (I have no idea if it would have been different if I had posted OTHER things in between those two tweets or if it would have attracted a harsher response if I had set it up to post more frequently: It’s all a mystery)
When I tried to access the account, it told me it was restricted due to suspected spammy activity, and asked me for my phone number as verification. There was NO other choice for unrestricting the account apart from adding my cellphone (that is, they did not say ‘add your phone number OR [do some other thing]‘).
I added my phone number, they sent me a verification code
I entered the code and voila: My account was unrestricted AND unshadowbanned
I deleted my number from my profile afterwards and (so far) the unrestricted/unshadowbanned status has remained.
Twitter has recently cracked down on ‘tweetdecking‘ which involves people with many many accounts all tweeting the exact same content to make things trend, and I’m not sure if this absolute zero-tolerance for duplicated auto-tweets is a result of that or not. BUT if it *is* a result of that, then I expect they might refine their algorithms to give a bit more leeway to legitimate users, after which this process might not work.
If you try it and it works, or doesn’t, please leave a comment so anyone finding this post will know if it’s worth a go.
SMALL PRINT DISCLAIMER: I take no responsibility for the possibility that trying this may result in some more severe action from Twitter, try at your own risk, no correspondence will be entered into, [insert other blame-deflecty statements here], and etc…!