Archive for the ‘QnA’ Category
Yes, I know it’s not Sunday!! Bear with me!
I used to do a very irregular “Sunday curiosity” post where I invited people to ask me random questions. This was not a strategy that I made up because I was too lazy to actually come up with topics to write about… ooohhh no! Not at all. Okay, well… maybe a little bit.
Mostly though, I did it because I loved to hear from you, my lovely readers, and respond to *your* input (versus the other way around), but it fell by the wayside in the flurry that is my random writing and aimless flailing about on the page.
I quietly put up an experimental ‘Formspring – Ask me a question‘ box a little while ago (see, over in the sidebar on the right, waaaayyy down at the bottom), because all the cool kids are doing it, and I wanted to see if anyone would discover it and throw things at me, all anonymous and safe-like. I did get a few cute little messages (*wave* Hello there, sweet Formspringers!), which I loved.
So now I am officially seeing if it’s worth keeping and actually using, so I am pointing at it, all shouty like:
LOOK! LOOK!! COME AND ASK ME A QUESTION, TALK TO ME, TELL ME SECRETS, I’M SO LOOOONEEELLYYY!!!!
There is a Formspring ‘ask a question’ box in the sidebar AND on this new “Ask me” page here (oh look, up there across the top of the blog: Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a new “Ask me” page link!!)
The questions AND answers will show up on the new “Ask me” page (go and take a peek!). Fun!
If there are any questions or ideas that turn me into an endless windbag (ha! as if that ever happens (?!)), I might use them as a prompt for an actual real and proper post.
So go on, don’t be shy… pop over and type some stuff to me… I will just be waiting here, holding my breath until I turn blue.
Yes, I AM still posting survey results!! It will never end… NEVER, I TELL YOU!!!
Free text answers to my question:
Why do you read my blog?
Straight Male Submissive, 18-35
Graph porn obviously! Plus the grocery lists…
Obviously, I don’t know why I even asked the question! Silly me!
Heteroflexible Male Submissive, 18-35
I wish I was your submissive, even though it will never happen that thought plays into a fantasy where I can serve the perfect Domme, lovingly and completely.
Awww, that’s so sweet, thank you for the lovely compliment, though just quietly… the ‘perfect Domme’ thing… I think I would disavow you of that notion pretty damn quickly!
Straight Male Submissive, 36-45
I love the way You write.
Thank you *smile*, and I love it when other people love it… mutual love-fest!
Straight Male Submissive, 46-55
Great writing style, posts are entertaining, hot, and insightful. What more could one ask for?
You couldn’t ask for anything more, truly! Except photos of sexy shoes and nudity… heeeeyyyy, I’m bringin’ it!
Straight Male Submissive, 46-55
For pleasure and to relax. To learn, to comment
I hope I am giving you much of all of those, and I always love comments… thank you for them!
Straight Male Switch, 46-55
The intimacy associated with the Dominance feels real and heartfelt.. and totally resonates.
I’m pleased that it feels that way to you… to me also, and I do love when things resonate with others.
Pansexual Male Switch, 18-35
I like your blog and read it frequently. I rarely comment because I feel intimidated when you point out my ignorance in your reply. It is not your fault that you are so much smarter than I. I appreciate your clever writing.
Oh nooo… I apologise unreservedly for making you feel intimidated. I love comments, and hate to think that I have discouraged you from them. If I am pointing something out that I disagree with (and I do, and will), I never mean to hit you over the head with a sledgehammer… it should be more like a gentle tap on the arse…! Please come and comment again… *makes cooing noises*
Straight Male Submissive, 46-55
Articulate, sensible, prolific dominant women aren’t easy to find. I’ve grown fond of you.
*smile* Thank you for the loveliness and I will happily take the fondness and tuck it away in my pocket.
Straight Female Dominant, 18-35
It’s nice to read about another dominant woman who sounds like a real person (has a sense of humor, is affectionate toward people who bottom to her), instead of a stereotype.
Yay! We are out there fiercely shaking fists at the terrible stereotypes… I am glad to see you!!
More belated free text survey answers to the ego driven question:
Why do you read my blog?
Heteroflexible Female Dominant, 36-45
you write very well
*big smile* Thank you, I’m glad you enjoy it!
Bisexual Female Dominant, 18-35
I love the way you write!
And I love it when people love the way I write… win-win!! Yay!
Male Submissive, 56-65
Cuz you have the forced link in every message [on Fetlife] and it is really getting old! You did ask!
I *did* ask, yes. I have to point out that this gentleman went on to tell me to “Take your link to this crap off your signature!”. Now, dear, you do know how links on the internet work, right? If you don’t click on them, it’s like they don’t even exist!! Voila! See how easily I solved the problem that seems to irk you so? No need to thank me!
Pansexual Female Dominant, 36-45
Your descriptions of how you feel with a submissive often could have come right out of my own head. It is nice to feel understood.
It’s nice for me too, which is why I love the ‘me toos’! I’m so glad you can relate.
Bisexual Female Dominant, 36-45
Very well written and engaging!
I’m glad, thank you for saying so! At this point I looked up synonyms for ‘glad’, but it didn’t seem quite right to say “I’m tickled, thank you for saying so!” and that was the closest I could find… Quite honestly, it *does* make me glad! And tickled!
Straight Female Unsure, 36-45
You are obviously intelligent, articulate and like graphs :-)
*grin* I am, truly! On my good days anyway. And I do like graphs, I am a total graph slut!
Straight Male Switch, 36-45
You write well and with emotion. Plus, you are Ferns. Isn’t that enough?
*laugh* One would think that would be more than enough, yes! Thank you so much for the sweetness.
Heteroflexible Male Submissive, 36-45
The quality of the writing is very good, far better than most similar blogs.
Oh, I’m delighted that you think so… will you be my Quality Assurance offsider? You would get to whisper in my ear when I slip below a certain level and give me a gentle nudge and say “Pick it up Ma’am, those readers won’t stand for it, you know!” You won’t be long in the job since I am likely to hiss and spit and kick your arse out the door, but it will be fun while it lasts.
Gay/lesbian Female Dominant, 46-55
What kind of a stalker WOULDN’T read your blog geesh ?
Great question… a rubbish stalker!! Which you are not, obviously!! You are talented and sneaky and a Mistress of disguises… Your disguise as a family of four on bicycles was particularly inspired. Kudos!
Straight Female Switch, 65
You tell it like it is and I like that, I learn a lot from reading your posts and I also love some of the tender posts you put on, some bring tears to my eyes
Awww… me too, with the tears sometimes… I hate that! I’m pleased that you are getting something out of it, thank you for taking the time to say so.
Wow, it’s really not like me to forget fun things like publishing self serving survey results! But I did, I forgot!! I blame hormones, or the move, or all the wild sex I’ve been having… *sigh*… ok, maybe not the latter…
Some more free form text answers to my survey from waaaay back when below:
Q: Why do you read my blog?
Queer Female Switch, 18-35
I’ve had submissives of mine write journal entries in response to your blog.
Oh, fun! I hope he doesn’t swear at me!!
Straight Female Submissive, 46-55
Found the link and clicked on it!!! Looks cool so far.
Clicking the link is how it all starts, and welcome… I do hope you are still here *waves*.
Straight Male Submissive, 65
need to be excited – dream on being forced into sex changed lifestyle.
Hmmm… I’m not delivering either, but if you get something out of my blog… huzzah!!
Heteroflexible Male Submissive, 36-45
Because you’re intelligent, balanced, and not mad.
I am I am!!! Thank you. And I’m only mad sometimes, like when I get up in the morning and there’s no milk… that makes me pretty mad.
Bisexual Female Dominant, 36-45
I have read many of your posts on Fetlife and always feel inspired, re-affirmed or just simply at peace with my sense of self
Yay!! Lovely lovely!! I’m delighted that you get something out of them. Thank you!
Straight Male Submissive, 18-35
linked from fetlife, I’ve always found your forum posts to intelligent and helpful.
I’m so glad you get something out of my posts there… I do try, and I am hardly ever snarky, only sometimes, when it really makes me laugh.
Straight Male Submissive, 46-55
Really first time here, i clicked the link You have on a FL posting.
First time here and you were sucked into a survey… kudos to you for persevering. My Fetlife link brings all the boys to the yard…
Heteroflexible Male Submissive, 18-35
Finally a Dominant who is realistic, not part of the media image of leather clad bitch, and takes male submissives as real people not as objects of degradation.
*smile* I am realistic, own no leather clothes (ok, well belts don’t count, right?) and male submissives are the bomb! Thank you!
Pansexual Neither of the above (please self identify) Switch, 18-35
not really a lot into D/s, still trying to get my head around it, curious about the “why”
Oh, well it has been a few months since you said this… I trust you have found some more clarity. As to ‘why’, I’d start with ‘because it’s fun’ and go from there…
Queer Male Submissive, 36-45
You’re too fucking sexy.
*laugh* And you, sweetheart, are welcome anytime…
Ha! You didn’t think I was done milking sharing the survey results, did you? Now comes a million posts with the free form text answers…
Why do you read my blog?
bi-curious (i.e. straight, never tried the other thang) Male, Unsure, 46-55
you shut down a mind fuck ijnquiry thread on fetlife, that i wanted to contribute to. i think you were wrong. she asked for examples of mindfucks, and she got stomped as a porno- parasite. and i clicked on your hyper link.
Pffftt… I’m never wrong, and the fact that I have no recollection as to what you are talking about only makes me more firm in my assertion about my lack of wrongness! Though it got you to click on my blog link, right? Heh. Gotcha!
Pansexual Female Dominant, 36-45
peon’s link and y’all seem normal to Me
I *am* normal, thank you for noticing!
And for those who are interested in lovely submissive boys, the peon mentioned above can be found shyly hiding his wit and humour behind his sexy six pack here and here (check out his forum posts on CollarMe, seriously, he is awesome!). Peon is single (baffling!) and discerning and deserves the best… English ladies, go get ‘im (seriously, what is wrong with you women?!! GO!). *
* How did this response suddenly become a personal ad for one of my friends, hmmm? Maybe I should start a dating service…
Straight Male General kinkster, 46-55
Great Sense of humor
Thank you! I’m trusting you are only laughing at the funny bits and not, like, the hot and poignant bits…
Heteroflexible Female Switch, 36-45
I like your style. I think it’s hot. Yes, that totally refers to text and content!
Thank you, I like your style too. Direct and to the point!
Heteroflexible Female Dominant, 18-35
my bf wants more femdom stuff and your blog is very helpful
I’m glad it’s helpful… I hope your femdom stuff is going well for the both of you!
Pansexual Male Submissive, 56-65
To be openly honest the other reason is how you share your wonderful humor with us. This reader appreciates and humbly “Thanks You” Ma’am. arthur
*smile* You are most welcome, arthur. What a lovely traditional name, it whispers of genteel and knightly charm.
Q:
What do you do when your submissive annoys you?
A:
Tell him to stop it.
Q:
I had a lovely submissive boy over for play, but in the middle of it, I had him in bondage, and I could see that he wanted and needed ‘something else, and I honestly just didn’t know what to do with him, so I ended the session. I think he probably left really disappointed.
Has anyone else been in this kind of situation? What can I do to be better prepared for a scene and play time? Any thoughts, ideas, advices are welcome.
A:
Firstly, you did exactly the right thing. If something isn’t working for you, I think trying to push through it for a little while to try and pick it up is fine, but if you get to the point where you are just ‘doing stuff’ and getting nowhere, then stopping it is the right thing to do.
It sounds to me like there might be some disconnect between your fantasies (how you thought it would feel, how he would feel, what would happen in the play, how it would go) vs reality. I read your profile and it is very lofty and grand (nothing wrong with that!), but I suspect that your ideals are very high and somewhat vague… and I don’t mean in terms of your expectations of a submissive, but of yourself and of the dynamic and the whole shebang.
So I’d agree with the ‘too much too soon’ thing… that you started with these vague and fabulous ideas of how it would all be in a ‘big’ sense, and then when the rubber hit the road, you didn’t really have the practical detail in your head.
I assume that this has been a blow to your confidence, and that sucks. Please don’t let it get to you. Sometimes things don’t work and there is no fault in it, it just doesn’t. The nice thing about having something fall flat in the context of a relationship is that you can both look at each other, shrug and go ‘eh’, and have a laugh about it. If it’s not a relationship, it can leave you feeling a bit shaky and as if you have failed. It’s understandable, but it happens and isn’t a big deal.
To me, there are a few possibilities. Sometimes a submissive just doesn’t give me what I need to get excited about him, no matter what I do. That’s simple chemistry and I am never going to get there with him. Sometimes the kind of play that I thought I might enjoy just doesn’t work (this sounds like at least a part of what happened with you), but if you don’t try, you don’t know. And sometimes, you don’t know what you want at the beginning and nothing comes to you when you are in the middle of it (the ‘Um…’ moment).
I suggest that you have a brief plan in your head for any play and include things that you know work for you. Then if you veer off it because it’s flowing, that’s great, but if you get stuck, you have the ideas in your head that you can go to and there will be at least some pleasure in it for you.
Trying to identify why this happened is important. We are all guessing, of course. Talk to the guy honestly about it. If you like him, try again and make it a small scene, simple, and something that you know will work for you… it will take the pressure off both of you.
Best of luck.
Whispered in my ear
Tom Allen on Check my workouts!
And here's another one: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ Phone apps, plus fairly standard calorie tracking tools. Forums, friends list, etc. It's mainly a diet/ weight loss...Ferns on Check my workouts!
Thanks for that, Harlequin. I did look up a bunch of sites (including that one) before I decided on Jefit,...Ferns on Domme: Online training
Ugh, shame that the change in routine interrupted your plans. I know what you mean. Congrats on the new job,...Harlequin on Check my workouts!
You should check out http://www.fitocracy.com It's a site for tracking your exercise and earning points and levelling up. It's a really...Tom "Work It" Allen on Domme: Online training
Actually, if you allow youself one (!) tiny little ice cream sandwich after a workout, it's good recovery fuel.