Sunday curiosity

Thank you so much to everyone who responded to my Curiosity post. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your lovely comments and questions. Fun!

I have to say, just quietly, just between you and me, you folks are impressive… truly! I am not saying that as empty flattery, I mean, I am really flattering myself for attracting such smart, articulate and interesting readers (yay me!)… I toddled off to the blogs that some of you write (some of which are on my regular reading list already, I must say) and found really interesting writing out there – thank you.

What follows is either punishment or reward, depending on your perspective… it is the Longest. Post. Ever. And that length is without any sex or naughty bits…

Mab said…

I don’t know about a question, yet. The only question in my mind is whether to watch the cute boy sleep, or wake him up (haven’t the heart; he looks too sweet sleeping). And that’s not really one needs answering.

But I read your blog because I find your writing beautiful and it often seems to echo how I feel about things – which few blogs from dominant women do – I guess it’s the love that shows in it.

And I am technically a dominant woman finding my feet, but I don’t really have questions about it just now. It all feels rather natural.

Oh, I hope you did watch the cute boy sleep…! Cute sleeping boys are nearly as lovely as cute disorientated woken boys, who are nearly as lovely as cute wide-eyed frightened boys, who are nearly as lovely as… eep! I think you can see where I am going with this. Cute boys are lovely!

I’m so glad you can relate to my writing and thank you for commenting, and for the image of a cute sleeping boy being watched. If it all feels natural, you have found a great fit with your boy, and that’s where the joy is.

frantik said…

Long time reader, first time commenter (thought I would start with a cliche). I love your blog.

How do you deal with it when your submissive is disobedient? I don’t think you have talked about that before.

Thanks frantik, and no, I haven’t talked about dealing with disobedience, though I have mentioned at least one punishment over these months.

We have a dynamic where actions have consequences. My boy is not wilfully disobedient, his compliance bonds us, makes us close, and when he disobeys, it creates a distance between us, which we both hate. He knows that, so strives to do his best and when he fails, he feels terrible about it. His disobedience is mostly one of two things: he has forgotten, or there is some underlying problem. Either way, there are consequences for transgressions.

He is a forgetful boy, so occasionally something slips through. If that happens, I have a pretty quick, easy response. He has to still *do* the thing, whatever it was, and I often make him repeat it over and over, or do some other ‘reminder’ type task to help cement it for next time. For example, he forgot to put the toilet seat down (yes, really, we are that stereotypical!), so I made him kneel by the toilet and put the seat up and down 50 times and count it out loud. The next few times I moved towards the bathroom, if he had ANY doubt that he had forgotten, he would rush past me like a comet to quickly check before I got there (cute!).

If there is an underlying problem that has caused his disobedience, then we talk it through. This doesn’t happen often, but if it does, it is much more serious and I need to understand what is going on with him that caused the issue. So, we talk and he has the opportunity to explain to me what the problem is. He knows, of course, that any transgression is serious, but this kind is hurful to me, and he will feel horrible, awful, small about it. In the end, he still has to do the thing, I still inflict some form of punishment as a consequence, but I will also put strategies in place to help fix the underlying problem.

Anonymous said…

Are the shoes and boots in the photos really yours?

Yes, yes they are. Both the shoes and boots were bought in vanilla shops too… You used to be able to raise an eyebrow knowingly when you saw women in kinky footwear, but now, they are just as likely to be conservative right wing vanilla girls stepping out for a night on the town…!

Charlie Horse said…

I just came across your blog today. I adore your writing. Going to spend the next week going through your posts. I’m a fan :)

Thank you Charlie Horse (what a great nick!), and welcome!

shydomme said…

The only question that comes to mind is – hmm, have I actually commented before? I like reading here because I don’t all so many stories online that fit my kink buttons, and I find lots of sweet echoes of my own adventures here…

Ummm… yes, no… ok, I have to admit that I don’t know (oh the shame!)… I think you *have* commented previously because I popped over to your live journal and I have read it before, so I must have followed a link there from one of your previous comments. Ha! So, yes, you have! Phew, another question answered…

Agaran said…

I’m a newly-self-discovered switch, and I’ve been finding my submissive feet after years of thinking that I was strictly a Dominant, and failing at that from time to time. I’ve been delighted to find your perspective, your compassion, and your articulation of some of the things that most make me wonder. Thank you.

You are most welcome!

Chappee said…

I visit because I love how naturally you and your boy fit together. I love his reactions and your artistic demands. I, myself, have a hard time making my switch (siding more with dominant) sides take wing. I don’t seem to have a lot of confidence in what I’d want to do with my submissive boy. I have plenty of ideas, formulas, wicked sessions I could plan… but I can’t seem to get them to take flight… I end up dwiddling back to being vanilla, and am left unsatisfied. I know that if I had more experience with being a dominant female, I’d have more self-confidence… but I can’t seem to get started in the first place. THAT’s where YOU come in. I try to feel from your writings, get a sense of something that turns me on and that would work for me and MY boy.


So my question would be:
How would you suggest a new, nervous dominant prepare for play? What ways would you suggest she find her confidence?

Oh, such a great question Chappee – lack of confidence when starting out is really common, so you are not alone. Even if you have a dominant personality, exercising it in a place where you are supposed to be in control and yet you don’t know what the hell you are doing is frigging scary!!

If you haven’t already done some ‘kink matching’ with your boy, I would do that with a BDSM checklist (there are many many on the internet – if you want mine, just pop me an email and I will send you a copy). This is NOT to cater to his kinks, but to find where you have commonality. When you start out, playing with things that you are both interested in will increase your confidence.

Choose some of the simplest things and plan a short play session based around him doing things that please you and that you will enjoy (as opposed to you *doing things* to him). Don’t try to make it a marathon, just a bit of a taste, it will help build your confidence and will leave him wanting more. When I say simple, I mean really simple. Don’t head straight for the wild fantasy, tempting as it may be.

For example, maybe some period of service to your requirements, make him wear something you find sexy (boxer briefs *swoon*), put cuffs, collar and leash on him, tell him to kneel for you, join his cuffs together, inspect his body, touch him gently, circle him, comment on him like he is a ‘thing’ that you have bought, run your hands inside his boxers to feel what he has to offer (it’s yours after all), take your time.

Then have him do things for you that you enjoy. Maybe have him give you a foot or hand massage, paint your nails (redo it until he gets it right), bring you drinks, prepare some food for you, maybe make him wash you (one of my favourite things for new boys) with him blindfolded and kneeling outside the shower.

If you want to include a more sexual component, again, do something simple. I adore tease and denial. A bit of bondage to stop him wandering, a blindfold to concentrate his senses (and so he can’t see if you faff about), and use your fingertips, nails, lips, breath, hair, anything on him to see how he reacts. Alternate pain and pleasure and don’t use any ‘tools’ at first, the technicalities of them can be distracting. Smacking, pinching, biting, flicking are plenty to inflict a pretty decent amount of pain along with the pleasure. And if you want him to make you come, manoeuvre him around to do it, whether you use his mouth, fingers or cock doesn’t matter, just get him in a position you like and use whatever you want of him. Whether he gets to come or not is completely up to you. Hot hot hot!!

The point is not necessarily to get you off (though, you know, that’s always nice!), it is to give you the chance to feel confident and in control, to find your dominant voice and get a level of comfort with just telling him what to do and having him do it. And most of all, have fun with it, he *wants* to please you, you just have to guide him in how to do that. It’s not some deadly serious business where you have to get all haughty ‘Bossy Boots Bitch Goddess’ on his arse, it is meant to be for your enjoyment and pleasure, so if it’s not fun, stop doing it.

Good luck! We shall expect a report!

Selena and Dymion said…

Not my first comment… Been a fan of your writing for quite a while now.

I think a word used by previous commenters really strikes a chord with me… echoes. Echoes of the feelings and sensations and experiences and moments I live with my Goddess. You have rare talent at expressing the essence of an experience, a feeling, a moment, a mood, and the aesthetic pleasure of reading you is what keeps me coming back.

The question challenge: what do you find the most fulfilling or satisfying in expressing your dominance over someone?

Dymion

Thank you so much Dymion… I’m glad you are still reading. That’s a great question – an easy question to answer in my head, but more difficult on the page…

My dominance is how I show affection and desire. The stronger my feelings are, the more I want of him. My demands on him, my control and my stripping him down to this vulnerable ‘thing’, that interaction and exchange opens him up and draws him to me and his willing compliance is the complement to that. So the most fulfilling thing for me is how it brings him impossibly close to me.

Anonymous said…

Well, since you asked so nicely. I think I’ve been reading your blog for maybe 6 months now. I adore your writing – it is well-done and flows beautifully. Many of the posts are hot enough to be insipring of fun activities. Im sure I found it accidentally while looking for erotica.

And since you seem to want to know who your readers are: I am an experienced Domina with an owned and collared strong fabulous hot slave (who I will be marrying this coming year). I am also a fairly famous artist, devoted mother, and kick-ass beautiful woman – who enjoys reading women like herself.

I am not shy…lol..but have never felt the inclination to leave a comment. I keep a blog of my own elsewhere, but have found getting to know people can take an awful lot of time out of an already busy life. It is enough to read your writing and enjoy it. My sincerest thanks.

MistressKimm

Six months – that’s half the lifetime of my blog (I just checked and have just passed 12 months)! Thank you, MistressKimm, for commenting and for sharing a little of yourself – and congratulations on your upcoming marriage! I would love to know where your blog is, if you would care to share it.

robert said…

Hello Ferns,

I continure to read and enjoy your writing. I have posted in the past but not for a while.

I would love to know what you look like?

robert

Hello robert, I hope you have been well and are still writing.

I am 5’10, blonde, slim (not very satisfying is it, knowing that?). I realise that’s uber lame, so I asked my boy to answer the question (how great is it to have a submissive to do the things you are no good at!!).

This is his perspective:

“Well Ma’am you have long blond hair and you are very tall and lean, long-limbed and long waisted with good posture and with a good right angle to the ground, but though tall and lean, very soft-looking at the curves of your body, so tall and lean yes but not sharp at all, very lady-ish, and this is what anyone would notice about you right away. I asked once when I didn’t know where you were: have you seen a tall pretty blond woman come by here and they had seen you. And your face: pretty high cheekbones, full mouth and lips, which look very soft in front of your teeth but something about the mouth, and your figure in general Ma’am, hints at the leonine, if that makes sense: I mean to say something lioness in the gaze and in the mouth, too.”

That’s why I keep him…  I do like people to know that I have ‘a good right angle to the ground’…

sera said…

For some reason, I’m obsessed with the question of whether you are older than your boy. I think of it every time I visit. I would never have asked it (so rude to ask a woman her age!) but the guy in front of me asked what you look like. ;)

Oh you made me laugh!! I like how you blame the guy in front of you (that guy, sheesh!). I’m 43 (it’s on my Fetlife and CM profile, so it’s not some big secret), and my submissive is younger than me, but not by much – about 5 years.

Miss Moneypenny said…

Hi Ferns,

I have commented a couple of times (both very short and sweet). I am quite new to this world after finding a sweet sub boy to play with. Your blog is the first I have ever followed and I love it. You have an amazing ability to take us with you and share a moment. I love coming online and finding a new post!

I have emailed you in the past (as Lils) to thank you for your beautiful writing and to ask some advice and your reply was lovely and so helpful.

My questions would echo that of Chappee’s above. I would also like to ask how public your relationship is. Do your work colleagues and all of your friends know? (My life seems very compartmentalized at the moment) Is this lifestyle 24/7 for you both.

I am flattered to be the first blog you have ever followed, and I am so glad my reply was helpful!

Oh good, I’m happy that your questions echo Chappee’s because goodness knows, I have bombarded her with pages of rambling!

And no, I don’t tell my work colleagues or friends about my relationship. I don’t really see the need to tell anyone about the inner workings of any of my relationships, and I keep the same privacy if I am in a vanilla relationship. I’m not sure what I really *could* say about it if I wanted to be ‘out’ – ‘he’s my partner and he likes to make me happy’?

I am always a little puzzled by the need for acceptance of ‘the lifestyle’ and the inevitable comparison with acceptance of gays and lesbians. Gays and lesbians fought (and continue to fight) for equal legal rights, and social acceptance of a relationship that is obvious to any passerby. That doesn’t apply to heterosexual BDSM couples who have all the legal rights of vanilla couples, and won’t cause a raised eyebrow socially (unless you walk around in leather fetish gear, smacking your naked leashed boy in public and calling him a filthy whore, of course…).  I can’t see that there is any need to explain anything to anyone. I’d think it would be much more of a problem for poly lifestyles where living arrangements may make others wonder and make legal rights murky. Oops, digression, that is not what you asked at all… I am easily distracted… oh look… shiny!!

Re the 24/7 question, it is kind of a funny one to me – because my D/s relationships are my romantic relationships, it’s like asking me if my boyfriend is 24/7. He is my submissive whether we are playing or not, whether he is with me or not, whether I am explicitly exercising control or not. So yes, I guess it’s 24/7, but the D/s dynamic is an inherent part of the relationship, I don’t ‘play a role’, I don’t spend my time bossing him about or asserting myself or working at being in control etc.  It looks pretty much like most other vanilla relationships in a day to day sense, we just both know that the D/s undercurrent is always there, that a request is not a request, that he is never going to say ‘nup, don’t think so’ to me.

Brids said…

A question? *thinks* I don’t think I have any. I’ve considered asking you to write about an average day with your sub but that’s more of a request than a question.

Ha! I got it! What’s an average day like with your sub? (do I get points for being crafty? =D)

Yes, you get 10 points, you crafty thing!! Well done!

I suspect you think this is going to be much more interesting than it really is!! But here goes… let’s take a day when we are together, I have to go to work and he doesn’t…

I get up earlier than he does, I let him sleep in. I make coffee, have some breakfast, I make a list of things for him to do during the day, and tell him what colour boxers he should wear, and leave it on the bench. Before I go to work, I wake him up, he is cute (sleeping boys are lovely… oh wait, we have done that already…), kissing, murmering, whispering. He tells me ‘Good morning, Ma’am’ in his half sleepy voice, I love that.  I head off to work.

I sometimes have him ring me during the day because I like it, but at least, he has to ring me to ask to remove my collar (to shower, to go out etc). He is not allowed to put the collar back on himself once it’s off.

When I get home from work, he greets me at the door on his knees, in boxers, hands clasped behind his head, big smile. Kisses (always kisses!). I flop on the couch, he kneels and I offer him my boots or shoes to take off, we chat about our respective days, he puts my footwear away where it belongs. He comes back and kneels to ask me if I will put my collar back on him (that gets a heart melting swoony reaction every single time!), which I do.

Anything on the list that I left for him will be done (mostly domestic things – vacuum, make dinner, shopping etc), and the ‘normal’ standing rules will be taken care off (my water glass on the table filled, two sodas cold in the fridge, a full bottle of wine in the fridge, those sorts of things).

We cook dinner together. He has to ask to sit at the table (he is not allowed to sit on the furniture without permission).  He is not to start eating until I do. He has to ask if he wants alcohol. He washes up.

We may watch TV or read, him on the floor, petting, kissing because he is right *there*! I will tell him when it is time for bed – early if I want to play (pseudo bed time!), later if I don’t feel like it so much. Either way, when we do make it to bed, there is *always* kissing and cuddling that may lead to some level of (more) play. He will leave my bed when I am drifting off and put himself to bed in the pee bucket room and he is not allowed out until I wake him in the morning.

Then the day starts again…

Bellaforte said…

We’ve chatted before, and I’ve commented more than once how many of your posts touch me. I love your strength and your vulnerability when you write- I hate the archetype of the Dominant woman as an aloof Goddess, and it’s beautiful to me to read someone else who admits to fears, to love, to insecurity and to strength… and sometimes to the same psychopathic streak which runs through me. *hugs*

Hello Bellaforte, I always love seeing you here! I have to agree with you about the aloof Goddess persona… I hate it also. It’s just so… stupid (see that mature use of my words there?!).

Given I am a dominant woman, I understand the women who play that role even less than I understand the submissive men who seek it. I always want to ask them if they are happy in their relationships. I just can’t imagine how they could be, and surely they can’t sustain it for any length of time – it must be exhausting, and pointless.

Oddly, I understand the desire for that persona from submissive men more than I understand the women who cater to it, because it’s the stuff of porn, and they get off on it. I just can’t, though, understand what’s in it for MistressGoddessBitchyPants (TM) past the short term power thing. Baffling!

I always enjoy reading your blog, and am happy to see that you have a new boy in your life. The shared psychopathic streak is very comforting! Just don’t tell anyone… shhhh…

CuriousGeorge said…

I enjoy your blog very much, thank you for it! You have some posts about meetings with submissives, but how or where did you find your submissive/s?

Thanks

You’re welcome, CuriousGeorge. And yes, I have four posts about meeting boys.  I found my current on Fetlife (stunningly smart, funny, idiotic and creative profile) and my last found me on CollarMe (cute and clever introductory email).

They both stood out easily at first contact because they made me laugh.

slapshot said…

I stumbled across your blog about two weeks ago. I was recently introduced to the world of D/s by doing role playing online as a sub. I enjoyed it and so naturaly, I wanted to learn more about it. I’m glad I found you.

You express yourself beautifully and have proven to be very enlightening. As it turns out, this is a lot more than just “whips and chains”. It would also appear that the whole basis of a real D/s relationship is based on mutual trust and support. Both roles (Domme and sub) require a great deal of commitment, loyalty and genuine concern. It seems to me that it is more about power (energy?) transfer from one to another than anything else.

I’ll admit that I am somewhat hesitant to even admit I enjoyed being a sub but, as it turns out, the more I study the whole thing, the more intriguing it becomes. Thank you for a tremendously interesting blog. I will continue to follow it and as questions arise, rest assured that you will be hearing from me.

Your comments make me very happy slapshot… You totally get it – it *is* about trust, support, commitment, loyalty, genuine concern and the transfer of power… all of those. I would add into that affection, love, connection, fun and hotness. At its best, it’s a relationship with all of the related goodness (and challenges). I am so pleased that I helped in some way with you discovering that “it’s a lot more than just “whips and chains””.

I want to make a special comment about your use of the word “energy” in brackets there in the middle. I think that when it’s right, there is a cyclical ‘feeding’ of energy going on. Sometimes a submissive doesn’t give energy back in the way I need it, and it’s an incompatibility, not necessarily a fault on his part, but it makes interacting with him draining. But when it’s right, it’s like a cycle of energy where you feed each other and it gets bigger and stronger, and that, I think, is how I get into Domme-space, because that energy fills me until I have nowhere left to put it – it is so incredible it just about blows my head off.

lthrpup said…

Selena and Dymion expressed a large part of my attraction to your writing.

Your posts are visceral in their imagery and instantly evoke the feeling of interaction between dominant and submissive. You create an atmosphere of beauty in your domme musings.

I would love to know more details about you and your sub, but in the same way I may like to know more about a favorite radio personality: abstractly. Too many particulars – certainly a photo- would ruin the mystique. Perhaps there is some way you could satiate our (the readers) curiosity with occasional concrete details about place and time.

Since you asked for feedback, please be assured that the quality of your writing does not go unappreciated.

Thank you for your lovely comments, I shall go immediately and practice my mystique-making, as I do like to have a little of that. Concrete place and time… my kissing party starts on Friday, it will be in Toronto… fun! (if I post this on Sunday, I am at the kissing party and much too busy to be talking about kissing parties!).

ouimistress said…

Ferns,
My reading of The Domme Chronicles commenced soon after you started writing them in Oct 08. While i’ve made the occasional post the quality of your writing speaks for it self so usually there’s little more i can add.

What impresses me about them as a sub male is the way you express and explore the raw emotions of a passionate and caring Femdom relationship.

It is also the only erotica i’ve read where the vulnerability of the Domina is emphasised and the emotional intimacy this allows for the sub. Even as you feel his physical and emotional pain you still envy him for having your trust and being able to care and protect you.

As regards questions there are many i could ask so will take the liberty of asking more than one:

  • Beyond the erotic encounters you write about what sort of lifestyle do you and your sub have together (e.g. interests/activities/values you share)?
  • How long have you been aware of your inclination and how does it exist with other aspects of your life like family, children, work etc
  • Are the Domme Chronicles your only writing experience or do you write on other subjects, if so is it fiction or non-fiction?

Respectfully
ouimistress

Hello ouimistress, you are a senior member here! Thank you for sticking it out with me. Your seniority and lovely comments allows you three questions…

What sort of things do we share? We like each other, obviously, we like movies, books, idiotic word play, scrabble, battleship, silliness, kissing, shopping, walks, wandering cities, eating out… The usual sort of things in any relationship.

How long have I been aware of my inclination and how does it exist with other areas of my life? I have been dominant in my romantic relationships since I first started going out with boys. In the rest of my life, I have no desire or need to be the boss of everything, I am not a control freak, I am not interested in minutiae, so I don’t really need to think about how it exists with other parts of my life, it’s not really a factor.  I am a leader in my role at work, but I am also a good team player. I don’t have an obsessive compulsion to lead, but if I know I can do something well and I have an idea of how I want it to go, I am happy enough to take the lead.

“Do you write on other subjects, if so is it fiction or non-fiction?” No, I don’t. I do some editing for friends from time to time, and used to have a job writing various things, but I don’t do any other writing for my own pleasure other than a personal journal.

Anonymous said…

Ferns,

I found your blog here from Fetlife. I am a dominant woman that has just become comfortable w/ that the last few years. I am currently building a new relationship.

I blog at another site and have a few things written at Fetlife. I pop in here to read your posts every now and again.

Now to catch up on posts that you’ve written since I peeked the last time.

Faith_

Hello Faith_, thank you for commenting and letting me know who you are!  New relationships are so gorgeous, I hope it’s going swimmingly.

V. said…

What’s your favorite story you’ve written?

Hello V, it’s always so nice to see you!

Favourite… hmmm… that’s a tricky one… there are some I really like for a while after I write them, mostly because I think I have captured it (the elusive it )… I get all smug and pleased with myself, then I kind of get over it… you know, and start to think I really wasn’t even close.

That’s a fence-sitty answer isn’t it?!  It gets worse… the fence-sit-osity… I had a quick trawl through, and had to pick a top four for different reasons… (drum roll please!):

This kiss – well, it’s kissing!
Wanting – this one for the depth of hunger
Sleep kisses  – this one for the heartbreaking tenderness
Needles – this one for intensity

Yes, I know you asked for one, V, but apparently I can’t count to one.

Rien said…

Hi, Ferns. I’ve been reading your blog for about eight months now, a little while after I began exploring BDSM and my nascent dominant side. Your post “Wanting” in particular has served as great inspiration for me in developing scenes and figuring out what I want from my sub, and your erotic writing is gorgeous and very hot.

However, the main reason I admire your writing and return to your blog is your emotional honesty about domination and your relationship with your guy. For instance, “Anger” really resonated with me when I read it, expressed the feeling I had of “putting pieces of myself out there,” putting myself out on a limb for my sub. Reading your words brought me to the realization that it is “okay” to feel vulnerable, scared, and/or hurt as a dominant–that those emotions don’t somehow disqualify me from being a good domme. The knowledge that I was not alone in my emotional experience was a great gift. Thank you. :-)

Based on the other comments, I’m not the only one who feels that way, either. I think many subs forget that Dommes are human beings, not goddesses.

As for questions, I’d be interested to know whether you ever play with anyone else besides your boy, and if so, how you balance those relationships.

Thank you so much for this, Rien.  I love love love it when women come back to me and say that they can relate to something I have written, it makes me feel a kinship for the shared experience, the nod of recognition, that ‘me too’-ism.

I don’t play with others – I don’t get so much out of casual play anymore, and I really don’t think that I have the emotional capacity to deal with multiple serious involvements. I tend to have nothing left for others when I am passionate about someone.  I have, though, arranged for my boy to play with another, a wonderful sadistic Domme who is much more experienced in pure pain play than I am (contrary to how it may seem in my writing, I am not a sadist, but my boy *is* a masochist).  She and I discuss and agree the boundaries and limits, she tells me what sort of play she is planning.  So this way, he gets different experiences from those he has with me (ball kicking, single tail… she is a marvel!), and she gets a willing, uncomplicated masochist to play with. That is an easy relationship to balance because she and I communicate very well about him, and he is like a ‘thing’ that gets loaned out under certain agreed conditions.

Kitae said…

I have commented before, I can’t resist. :p I found your blog from Fet some months ago and I have been enjoying it ever since.

You bring to me a sense of completion. Whenever I wonder what I’m lacking as a Domme I read your blogs again and it reminds me that I am complete as I am, that I do not need to alter myself for anyone.

And of course some posts are just an incredible turn on. :D I have had my boy read a few and the tomato soup cheeks he gets are enough to know that he likes them also.

I will ask though, the responses that your boy gives to you seem so subtle in your writing, how did you find them in the beginning? Did you invest time in studying him?

Oh, a ‘sense of completion’, that’s lovely – thank you.  And “tomato soup cheeks” – what a great phrase!  I love that!

That’s such an interesting question, about how I found responses… We talked for a long time before I considered taking it anywhere, so I got to know him very well.  He is also the most open boy I have ever had the pleasure of being involved with, so he is incredibly responsive, even if it seems subtle when I write about it, it is like a beacon in its signal.  He is eager, and able to strip down layers and show himself, and while it frightens him, he strives for it, and has done so with me since the beginning. That’s a really really difficult thing to do, and I haven’t seen it like this before in a boy.  It is scary-beautiful.

Having said that, while I wish that I got it right all the time, I act on my interpretation of his feelings, I base it on what I see and feel, what I get from him, and that’s what I write about.  I am sure I am wrong sometimes in seeing all the signals and interpreting his reactions, but I am always close enough to be able to pick it up and run with it.  The exercise I have had him do a couple of times now, where he writes about the same moments from his perspective, is absolutely fascinating to me because there are often things in there that I saw differently than how he felt it.

dan said…

Im a cocky, confident, man in england. I am so not submissive to anyone who knows me…..but im hooked on looking in here…..and the way you asked me to come and say hello, well my heart beats ever so quicker doing as you asked.

My question, do you believe you are as sexy in “real life” as you come across on here?

Hello dan, thank you so much for answering the call with your pitter patter heart! And I do love your question – it is both funny and kind of ‘hell, how do I answer that?!’.

I WANT to say:

Why yes, dan, yes I do.

And I really really WANT to leave it at that because it makes me laugh…

So, I will.

Phew, you made it to the end! Congratulations!! There are no prizes though… sorry about that, this is a cheap and nasty blog, full of promise and no delivery.

If anyone wants to ask more questions, or discuss any of these topics further please don’t hesitate to tap tap tap in the comments and if there are a few, I will do another ‘Sunday curiosity’ post.

.

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17 Comments

  1. Ferns,
    As one of the many who responded to your 'Curiosity' post thank you for your kind comments :)
    If it's not too bold i'd also like to add that i fervently believe your posts should have a much wider readership than the converted Femdom community.
    While i don't read women's erotica i doubt if many celebrate and give an insight into a dominant woman's passion as well as your blog.
    For women of a passionate and literary inclination if it doesn't convert them to the Femdom lifestyle it would give them an excellent insight into it.

    Respectfully

    ouimistress

  2. Oh, MY.
    That is the *grandest* chunk of advice I've EVER received in the field of newcomer jitters…

    I've been on FetLife (as BlenderChild) for a bit over six months now, setting fire to my web-browser while feverishly scouring dominance-discussions and groping at kinky-groups for the key to confidence, the blue-prints for nabbing the bull by the balls…

    That's where I'd discovered your writings, you know… parched for perverted persuasions, I found *such soothing salts* in your oasis of a little blog.

    Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    I've already started preparing, head-high, and heels even higher. I feel too electric for my sneer. I'll report back when hit those notes…

  3. ouimistress: “If it's not too bold i'd also like to add that i fervently believe your posts should have a much wider readership than the converted Femdom community.”

    Thank you ouimistress. I do wonder if that's true… while we think it's pretty 'normal', relatively gentle and benign, and in fact, beautiful, I do think we tend to underestimate the reactions of the general vanilla public.

    I suspect (but could be wrong) that the maledom/femalesub fantasies are much more common because they reflect social norms more closely. The reverse is quite a bit more foreign, throw in a little female to male violence, and I am not sure it's really so acceptable.

    I do appreciate the vote of confidence, though, and if I find my way to some vanilla reading lists, I will let you know!

    Ferns

  4. What does your “snowflake” category mean? Some of the posts evoke memories of my ex for me, someone I still feel deeply connected to even though he's hundreds of miles away, so I'm very curious.

  5. i found your blog through a kink. i started reading because i truly am a switch who has been hiding under Masters slave, until finding a wonderful young submissive eager to play with Mistress. Your posts are not the direct overused slutty smutt one expects to find when looking for D/s blogs. Your is so,different. Erotic and artistic.
    http://www.dysfunctionldisaster.blogspot.com

  6. “I suspect you think this is going to be much more interesting than it really is!!”

    Even more interesting than I originally thought. It makes me envy what you have even more. I remember you told me a while back that no relationship was perfect but by my definition, that's perfection.

  7. isis: “i found your blog through a kink.”

    Heh… Freudian…

    “Your posts are not the direct overused slutty smutt one expects to find when looking for D/s blogs. Your is so,different. Erotic and artistic.”

    Thank you! I'm happy that you think so.

    I hope your newfound dominance with your wonderful new submissive continues to flourish.

    Ferns

  8. Brids: “Even more interesting than I originally thought.”

    Really?! Well, colour me surprised! I shall next time aim to give you a minute by minute description…

    “I remember you told me a while back that no relationship was perfect but by my definition, that's perfection.”

    *smile* many of the moments I describe are perfection, that's mostly why they make it onto the page. It does give a skewed view of the relationship as a whole. I do find it interesting that the routine makes it to your 'perfection' list… I suspect that you will make some dominant woman very happy with that attitude.

    Ferns

  9. “Really?! Well, colour me surprised! I shall next time aim to give you a minute by minute description…”

    I love reading about peoples lives, even the “boring” stuff. I find it all vastly interesting. Sadly, no one writes about it, so it's rare to hear what average days in peoples lives are like.

    “*smile* many of the moments I describe are perfection, that's mostly why they make it onto the page. It does give a skewed view of the relationship as a whole. I do find it interesting that the routine makes it to your 'perfection' list… I suspect that you will make some dominant woman very happy with that attitude.”

    As long as the good greatly outweighs the bad, I consider it perfection. You average day contained plenty of things that to me, sound great. Add the perfect moments you write about here and you have a big bunch of awesome.

    Unless there's there's a big bunch of awful you're hiding, it doesn't sound like there's enough awful to taint the perfection.

  10. Brids: “I love reading about peoples lives, even the “boring” stuff.”

    I have to admit that I tend to have an unseemly curiosity myself about how people go about their lives, so I do understand what you mean.

    “…you have a big bunch of awesome.”

    It's true, I do have a big bunch of awsome! And that is a brilliant term!

    Ferns

  11. Hello Ferns,

    I was going to make a comment for your last post, but I didn't so know I thought I'd ask a question now.

    Do you have any favorite books or authors?

    That's it. I ask it of everyone.

    And if you don't remember, we meet though Fetlife. You commented on some articles concerning the large amount of bad Femdom erotica in relation to the good Femdom erotica (i.e. your blog). Again, Thank you for sending me a link.

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