There’s something about e

We are incompatible in many ways. Really, many. And we have already hit some rough spots, before even meeting.

And yet… and yet… there is something special there.

Something…

For the first time (yes, the first!), I did a tiny little bit of play with him. Miniscule, hardly anything at all.

We have a short phone call at 11.30pm, so I can tell him a bedtime story.

We talk about trivialities: my stubbed toe, his … Continue Reading

Loves: 1
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The afternoon – part III

the day is not nearly over…

It is about 3pm, and we find our way back home. We take the shopping inside (yes, we bought things for dinner!), you are, I think, all expectant and edgy now, which makes me laugh. I make idle chit chat about what you are making for dinner while you put the shopping away, you are nodding at me, but really, you are waiting. What are you waiting for?… Continue Reading

Loves: 3
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Continuing the day – part II

the day continues…

You are reading the paper, I am sitting with legs around you, writing and half listening to you tell me about what is going on in the world.

I tell you to go get moisturiser and you hurry off and back. I offer my hands first, and you start there with a hand massage, I tell you not to linger, I’m hungry, so you will pick up the pace and rub … Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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Hold my hand

I am planning the visit to see e. The accommodation is booked, a sweet apartment not far from him. I am looking at flights, and I am freaking out. I am going ahead, but I am freaking out.

I send him an email.

I do worry that we will not have things to talk about, despite having things to talk about so far, we have not talked about much of things. I would like for

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Bedtime reading

At the end of our call, I have him get into bed.

I read him a bedtime story… it is a tale about a father and son, and three wishes. He quiets as I read softly to him.

When I switch to reading my post about sexual violence half way through, I am not sure if he is still awake.

I hear him shift as soon as he notices the change, he moans softly as … Continue Reading

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Great expectations

The first thing I asked of e did not go so well.

It was a small thing, a simple thing… I had asked him a question in an email. He had been formulating an answer, he reassured me that he had not forgotten, but it was taking days, too long.

I gave him a deadline. He agreed to it.

Then he failed to meet it.

He sent me a note some 5 minutes after the … Continue Reading

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Sexual violence

I will like it if you can be stunned into weakness for me, when I can shove you into a wall, a hand around your throat and threaten you and have you believe it (crossing that line between knowing that you can stop it any time you want and that tipping over point where the attack makes your brain stutter and your body go ‘wtf?!’). If I am aggressively fucking with you, I need to … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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