Bits and bobs

I’m in a slump, which happens from time to time, though normally it’s short-lived and personal-mood based. This time, though, I guess the end of times we’ve all been living through (fire! plague! drought! flood! pestilence!) explains why so many of us are feeling like achieving the most minor of things is a huge effort and a major achievement (it is! truly!). It feels like I should be coming out of this malaise right about now.

Really, I just want to binge-watch TV series’ (The Expanse at the moment, it’s my second go at this series because I know people LOOOVVVEEE it and when I tried before I couldn’t get into it), and loll about feeling vaguely sorry for myself for no good reason (really, for no good reason). Also my ‘Readability’ indicator for this post (a ‘helpful’ indicator that assesses if I’m writing good or not) lit up unhappily when I added that last bit in brackets: FUCK YOUUUUU!!

When I get like this, it’s reflected in my silence here: Putting together cohesive thoughts is beyond my cognitive reach. Meanwhile, the gap between ‘when I last wrote on my blog’ and ‘now’ gets bigger and bigger.

I tend to write a ‘hey, this is all what’s been going on over here’ post with random guff to try and kick myself out of it. And also to say ‘I’m still here, hi!’

I should just make this a regular feature so no-one really notices when my brain is blancmange (not even the delicious kind, the bland beige-looking kind that tastes like failure and regret).

So here’s what’s up:

  • I’ve been active on the twitter, so if you ever miss me, come on over. I’m throwing what’s left of my brain power out over there on a regular basis even if I can’t get up the mental energy for anything that requires actual cohesive thought
  • I’ve had a couple of weeks of food box delivery (where a service delivers ingredients and recipes according to meals you choose so you can have fresh home-cooked meals without planning and shopping and all of that taxing biz). That means I’ve been cooking *gasp*! I live-tweet that with the hashtag #ChefDomme like I have my own cooking show for people who can’t cook
  • Related: Egregious injury last week from that endeavour and this is why I need a submissive who cooks :P
  • I started writing* a new book in my ‘How To’ Femdom series. No details yet because I’m not sure I can make it work.
    *and by ‘writing’ I mean I gathered all the snippets I have ever written or collected about the topic into a single document: STILL COUNTS!
  • While procrastinating on sorting through all the words for that book, I created a cover for a different book suggested by a friend: A personal ‘evolution of a Domme’ + ‘lessons learnt’ type of non-fiction. The cover is a stark, unapologetic, staring-down-the-barrel shot of my face (because it’s autobiographical) and I kind of love it, but now I can’t show anyone :P
  • To be clear, I’ve written exactly zero words of the above :)
  • I have been 100% reliable with delivering my femdom audio erotica content on my Patreon (at least one story per week), so go me! If you aren’t supporting me over there yet, I’d love to have you join me! Listen to samples of the content I’m creating here and here and here
  • I logged into CollarSpace (yes it still exists despite my post about its demise back in 2018, and yes it is still on the cusp of death) in a fit of I-don’t-even-know-what. Immediate regrets
  • I spent a couple of days with my elderly dad and delivered a new, updated laptop to him (much faster, W7 to W10, updated programs). I had to listen to a million horror stories all his old mates had told him of upgrading from Windows-ancient to Windows 10. Bless. Still, it went pretty well  as well as can be expected… :)
  • I’ve started a new habit of meditation plus yoga in the mornings. I was doing the meditation for a while, and added the yoga a couple of months ago. I don’t particularly like either of them, nor am I good at them, but for someone who’s bizarrely out of touch with my body and mind, it is making me feel better. Not ‘yay, live changing!’ results like you hear about, but it starts days off with a quiet positivity. More like an ‘it’s okay, I’m okay’ type of gentle lift
  • Re the above, I do 20-30 minutes of guided meditation using a free app (Insight Timer) in the morning while lying in bed, get out of bed, put on deodorant (because I must!), and immediately do 20-30 minutes of naked guided yoga (Yoga with Adriene). So far I’ve done about two months of this combination (the ‘naked’ part of the yoga is relevant because I sleep naked, and not having to get dressed for it removes the barrier between ‘get out of bed’ and ‘do yoga’ (seriously, put any minor inconvenience in front of me and it will become a hurdle I just cannot get over :P))
  • I’ve discovered that if I look at social media before I get out of bed and before I Do Things in the morning, it sucks the life and motivation right out of me. Not because of negativity (I curate brutally, so it’s usually not that), but because social media is 100% designed to engage mind-space and direct brain-energy and it does that very well (if you haven’t seen ‘The Social Dilemma‘, I recommend it)
  • I’m having a few new and quiet conversations with a couple of submissives who I can’t immediately meet, but I can feel myself struggling to find the emotional space for the bare minimum, and the idea of actual dating feels unreachable, a million miles away
  • I have a new computer after Thor died a very sad and premature death. It is thanks in part to a very kind submissive friend whose generosity and exemplary service has delivered me the best laptop I’ve ever owned *heart eyes*. I have named him Loki, the trickster, because he turned up at my door even as his tracking had him sitting in a distribution centre in Miami :)

Anyway, I’m still here: hi! :)


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      1. I did try to think about writing a more coherent response, but my brain power in getting coherent thoughts out is pretty much out the window. I so relate to all you said.

  1. I was thinking today of the word ‘malaise’. I’m not quite there, but almost; neither does ‘ennui’ quite fit. But the general MEH of a whole year gone by in ‘stuck’ mode has had its effect.


    Or some such.

    (Not to be confused with mayonnaise.)

    But, yes: “struggling to find the emotional space for the bare minimum” — I’m there too.

    Tip o’ the hat to you for trying. The small things feel overwhelmingly huge right now.

    1. “Meh-nui-aise” LOL.

      I thought that with some capital G Good news & hopeful possibilities opening up, this heaviness would lift. Feels like it should be lifting. I feel guilty that it’s not for me, not least because I literally have nothing to complain about here: My loved ones and I are safe and well and have not been materially impacted by any of the terribleness that has hit others.

      I think folks are going to struggle in various unexpected ways in the months and years to come, and we’re not going to see how that really plays out for a while. I feel for those who have mental or emotional or financial or other material impacts to deal with on top of the general widespread trauma response :(.


  2. I feel along those lines too, I use the word dislocated, somethings not right and you can’t really define it

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