This is pure unadulterated ego, but I STILL think it’s true:
A bummer with newbie submissive men I get involved with is that they won’t know how amazing I really am until they get some experience with others. Until then, they more or less think all Dommes are like me, probably better, because ‘internet’ :P.
But if am interested in them, if I’m with them, there’s something special there. Something unlike anything they are going to experience again, something truly unique and rich and mind-blowing, something rare and sparkling.
BUT THEY DON’T KNOW THAT YET.
They think ‘wow, this is what it’s like!’ It’s not though. This is what it’s like with me. Or, more accurately, this is what it’s like with US.
So yeah, when they reach out after a few years or many years… THEN they know, only then. By then they get it.
And you bet I’m super smug about that.
But still, I want to say to them in the moment ‘This, this what we’re doing here? THIS IS NOT NORMAL, THIS IS UTTER MAGIC!’
But even if I do, I can’t make them understand it. Not really.
When I feel it, by contrast, I know exactly how rare and precious it is, how impossibly magnificent, how what they are giving me is a glorious lightning strike, a shining needle in a world of haystacks, and I am utterly in awe of it, and them, and us.
They don’t get it yet.
But they will :)
There are several reasons I avoided newbies in my search for my current partner. This is one of them.
Newbies in their 30s and older, a few things to know about me – and about most of the dominant women I know:
– I don’t want your money. I don’t care if you’re a laborer or a hedge fund manager.
– I do care if you’re intelligent, have a good sense of humor, and are a man of integrity.
– I do want to know your financial house is in order.
– I will not out you or embarrass you in public. I’m an ordinary, conventional woman in public
– I am nothing at all like the women you devour in porn. I don’t look or act like them. And this is true of most dominant women.
– I wont treat you to one long kink-fest. We both have lives, and I expect us to build a life together. And this is true of most dominant women.
– I expect you to be self-aware and communicative about your needs, desires, interests, curiosities. I don’t expect you to voice a concern for the first time as you head for the door. And this is true of most dominant women.
– I expect ours to be a relationship that includes love and respect on both sides.
I love newbies for a bunch of reasons (owning all their ‘firsts’, oh my :)), but I 100% get why folks won’t touch them.
Being unable to tell if they’re in love with the person or the dynamic is a big one.
Of course with me, it’s always both :P.
“This is what it’s like with me. Or, more accurately, this is what it’s like with US.” This kind of nuance or completeness in understanding is what thrills me about you, Ms Ferns. (No, I’m not sure why I call you Ms Ferns instead of Ferns or Sharyn.)
And, what Regina posted in the first comment. I’m a newbie – a newbie for about 30 years. Between your post and Regina’s comment, these facts might just penetrate the layers and layers of internet porn that have enveloped me. Thanks so much (again and again.)
I’m delighted you’re thrilled :).
And if you follow my twitter at all, it will become obvious very quickly how un-porn-like I really am. Yesterday I made soup and this morning I’m watching music videos and sipping coffee while the washing is on #DommeLife.
And no, I do NOT have a submissive for any of that. This is exactly what’s wrong with the world :P.
Miss Fern, anyone that has heard you speak or read your work already knows you are the real deal, not some fantasy porno absurd vision of a Femdom. And most that truly understand Femdom, understand that it is a true balance of give and take4 and if one end or the other pulls too hard then it throws the entire balance off and then it’s broken. Both partners have to understand this before going into a relationship that should last forever. Thank you …
I meant Miss Ferns, of course… I apologize for not double chacking…
I am the real deal, thank you :).
And I agree: Folks have to find the balance that suits them and their relationship to make it work, not just in D/s, either.
It’s that old saying that you don’t know or appreciate what you have until it’s gone. I think this is common with a lot of people. Of course you amazing. Have you considered wearing an I’m an amazing unicorn” sign on you? Lol
I have to get that on a t-shirt :P.