Femdom dating: Doing lunch (or not)

I mentioned in a previous post that I was travelling to help my sister out with some unfun crap for a couple of weeks.

Well here I am.

It’s stinking hot, her house has no air conditioning (except for one unit in her bedroom) and I’m struggling. I’ve been here before many times, but this time the heat is stifling, oppressive, exhausting. High temperatures and humidity of the kind where you sweat through your clothes just sitting around in the house. It saps the energy right out of me. Ugh.

I’m helping coordinate some maintenance, carpentry, and gardening type jobs which means I have to talk to people, make phone calls, organise shit. I’ve made five phone calls today. Maybe six. If you haven’t followed along with me and don’t quite understand my aversion to both peopling and talking on the phone, just imagine I said ‘I shoved six needles under my nails’ to get an idea of how I feel about this.

I’m rambling. I blame the heat, melting my brain.

I actually trawled some BDSM dating sites to see if I could find a lovely submissive who might want to take me out to lunch somewhere air conditioned with good food and cold wine while I’m here doing a bunch of unfun stuff, but many photos of dicks, explicit fetish-fulfilment requests, and pictures of large fish catches later, I guess that’s a ‘no’ :/.

Examining the fact that I even looked at all (actively looking for someone to go out with is something I save for rare dating blitzes where I gird my loins and run at it hard for five minutes before throwing my hands in the air (again) and giving up (again)), I realised that the reason I did it was because I wasn’t at home, so it kind of ‘didn’t count’.

That is, it probably wasn’t going to lead anywhere, so I wasn’t looking for someone who was a great fit. After all, it was just a one-off lunch or drink or something, some mutual enjoyment, so there would be no pressure on either of us to assess compatibility or suss each other out or try and dig around for ‘gotchas’. It wouldn’t matter one bit. Sometimes a lunch is just a lunch.

As I thought about it, the clear implication is that normally I DO put pressure on it (it’s true, I do), which increases how stressful I find it (very) and how unpleasant the entire dating thing is for me (super unpleasant). So, you know, I obviously need to stop doing that if I want to make dating less of a trial (I do).

Though as soon as I say that out loud, I picture going out with a string of ‘nice enough I guess’ men aimlessly because I’m not doing the work to figure out if there’s any potential, so yeah, this sounds a bit like my ‘dating immersion’ experiment a few years back (spoiler: I’m still single). The idea falls down at first poke.

But still maybe I learnt a little something.

Go me.

In the meantime if any of you lovely subs are nearby*, I’m open to that lunch date. Somewhere air conditioned please. I’ll have a glass of champagne with whatever, I don’t even care.

*No of course I’m not going to tell the entire internet where I am :P

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22 Comments

  1. To be honest this is an aspect I’ve always had trouble understanding. I mean, Miss Ferns is obviously perfect in beauty and intelligence, anyone in her presence will obviously do everything to please her, so how can Miss Ferns have any trouble interacting with others? But it’s also something you’ve said consistently. It’s a paradox – you’re obviously perfect so why isn’t your life perfect?

    1. Heh. I do think you have a rather unrealistic impression of me, my life, of those in it.

      But I also think you know that, really.

      I am far from perfect in any way.

      People in my presence will most certainly not do everything to please me (ref: the numerous tradesmen I’ve tried to have come to the house in which I’m staying, and who won’t turn up even though I’m offering them money).

      I don’t have trouble interacting with others, I just find it hard work and exhausting.

      Nobody’s life is perfect.

      Ferns

  2. I stayed in Texas a few months and almost died from their dry heat. It was the worst. I always felt so tired and drained all the time. I hope you find that date. Sending cool air vibes until then.

      1. I’m not near you. It is chilly in Indiana.
        I’m interested in what dating sites you find fruitful. I trash a lot of spam emails from many dating sites. I’ve joins a couple that appeared to present connections. But never ground anyone within 100 miles. I’d give favor to your recommendations.

        Thank you

  3. Well. If I was on the other side of the world. This soon to be 30 brit boy would happily take you out to lunch. I hope you find a nice boy locally to take you out for some fine fod and champaign.

  4. Hi Ferns,

    Tradesmen are the same here in New Zealand. You just can’t pin them down (except maybe with rope and chains lol). Come to Auckland New Zealand for a holiday. Perfect temperature and weather conditions most of the time.

    1. It’s SO bad. I have to assume they are inundated with work so don’t have to bother being professional in their dealings with people :/.

      NZ is beautiful: I’ve only been once, would love to go back :).

      Ferns

  5. As for dating, it seems to me the best approach is to have a laugh during the date. If I was your date, I’d get you laughing first and then start asking questions about your life story etcetera. There’s pressure to start with, even with vanilla dates, so I can imagine that most subs would be all of a tremble and would find it hard to be themselves. I can also imagine how there might be a larger probability of finding a wierdo in the F/s world.
    Good luck!

    1. Dating sucks all round. Everything about it.

      I have NEVER found a partner through ‘online dating’: I HAVE met all of my submissives online, but it was always a case of finding some commonality that got us talking and we were so delighted by our exchange that it progressed.

      That’s not the ‘I’m single, you’re single, let’s meet’ thing of ‘online dating’, which is, to me, the very worst starting point for goodness.

      Ferns

  6. I’m not near you. It is chilly in Indiana.
    I’m interested in what dating sites you find fruitful. I trash a lot of spam emails from many dating sites. I’ve joins a couple that appeared to present connections. But never ground anyone within 100 miles. I’d give favor to your recommendations.

    Thank you

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