The Domme-estic Goddess cooking channel

Welcome to my cooking channel for Domme-estic Goddesses who don’t cook.

I call it ‘WHAT?! No That’s Too Hard, I’m Not Making That!’.

Rolls off the tongue doesn’t it? :)

What might you expect if you come to my place, what am I serving my new kinky friends?

For the upcoming pre-BDSM-club gathering at my place, my invitation was simply for ‘a glass of champagne before the event’.

Of course with champagne, you need snacks. That goes without saying. I can, of course, just buy goodies at the shop, but if I want it to be a more personal and full of fresh goodness, I have to make it myself.

So with that expectation set, here’s what’s on offer at Chez Ferns, including recipes well-suited to those who don’t cook *coughmecough*, so you can create this entire experience at home and pretend you’re at my place. Well, minus my charming company of course… meh, details details…


  • Mumm champagne (courtesy of my champagne boy, natch)
  • Pinot gris, one of various reds, a beer (not the point, obviously, but I do have them in case someone doesn’t like champagne *gasp, clutches heart*)
  • Mary Poppins mocktail (customised)


  • Tzatziki with toasted pita bread
  • Tasmanian Camembert with Fig & Pecan crackers or wafer thin water crackers
  • Guacamole with corn chips


Mary Poppins mocktail (customised)
Sparkling apple juice
Pomegranate juice (freeze some in an ice cube tray)
Lemon zest
Fresh raspberry
Mint leaves

3/4 fill a champagne glass with sparkling apple juice
Add pomegranate juice ice cube
Top glass with more pomegranate juice
Add a fresh raspberry
Crush the mint leaf a bit and add that.

1 continental cucumber
2 cups plain greek yoghurt
A handful of fresh dill, very finely chopped
Garlic (optional, and given there’s probably going to be people engaging in close personal activities, I’ve left it out this time :))

Grate the cucumber (you want a good-size handful)
Spread the grated cucumber on a couple of paper towels
Add salt all over
Leave it until the paper towels are soaked (optional, just makes the next steps easier)
If you soaked paper towels, transfer the cucumber into new paper towels
Gather the towel into a little package
Squeeze ALL THE MOISTURE OUT over the sink. If you think it’s done, it’s not. Cucumber is mostly water.
Throw it in a bowl
Add the yoghurt and dill, mix
Adjust salt and dill to taste

Toasted pita bread
4 or 5 pita breads, cut into whatever shapes you like
Olive oil

Preheat oven to 175C
Put them on a single layer on baking paper in a tray
Slosh the olive oil over them, no need to coat them fully, it doesn’t matter. Give them a toss
Throw salt over them
Bake for about 5 minutes until slightly browned & crunchy (keep an eye on it, they will be soft soft soft, then SURPRISE: BURNT!)

1 ripe avocado
1 tomato
1 red onion
Tabasco sauce
Lemon juice
Salt and pepper
1/2 tablespoon plain greek yoghurt (optional)

Smash up the avocado with a fork. Doesn’t have to be smooth.
Add a splash of lemon juice, maybe a teaspoon
Cut two slices of tomato and chop, add this
Cut two paper-thin slice of onion and chop finely, add.
Two good thumps of tabasco (yes, ‘thumps’ are legit measures).
Add salt and pepper.
If you want it to be more creamy, add the yoghurt.
Adjust ingredients to taste.

Pictured are the shoes I’ll be wearing to the club. So pretty!

I have comically forgotten how to walk in heels because I’ve not worn them for SO long so I’m like a baby giraffe in them. But look, when you’re 6’3 and fabulous, walking is a trifling issue that you do NOT have to concern yourself with…

Loves: 16
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  1. *so you can create this entire experience at home and pretend you’re at my place. Well, minus my charming company of course… *

    Then, all I’d need to do is close my eyes and listen to one of your audio posts and VOILA!!! Almost the complete experience. :-D

    1. Heh. I read this quite a few times and I was thinking “ME! *I* have these shoes!”, but then I realised you meant ‘where did I buy them’ :).

      These were a very generous gift from a lovely friend, and are over 7 years old (!), so I have no idea.


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