“Only submissive to someone special…”

There are a large number of newbie submissive men who seem to think they are the odd one out if they don’t just submit to everyone.

Usually those observations have this hideously aggravating flavour of special snowflakedness. They display a stereotypical view that has obviously come from a lack of experience or exposure to real life D/sers, and that has much to do with online silliness and I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT (you KNOW I want to blame porn, but this isn’t even about the sexytimes part).

Their view is usually stated something like this:

‘Oh, I’m not like all

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Loves: 16
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Birthday nude: Focus on breasts

It’s my birthday, and as is the annual tradition here on my blog, I am gifting you a nude photo of me.

Ferns close up nude

So happy birthday to me *smile*.

Please send more champagne. I haven’t had nearly enough yet.

And click the ‘likes’ button so I feel loved. Well, at least so my breasts feel loved…… Continue Reading

Loves: 127
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My sister will be here with me for my birthday on Friday. She will arrive tomorrow, so I will be struggling under the weight of her company already by the time Friday comes around.

We will drink too much champagne, talk too loudly, gesture too wildly, eat too much junk food.

On Friday evening, we will get dressed up like we never do, put on make up, and heels, and we will go out for cocktails and a fabulous dinner, swishing about like a couple of 6’2 polar opposite twins, she with her dark bob, me with my longer blonde … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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Reader Q&A: Fetishes, disappearances, & affection

Yay, Q&A!


At what age did you figure out you were a domme?

I found out there was such a thing as BDSM when I was about 30.

Before that, I did the work to figure out how to work with power in my relationships, but I had no context within which to put a label on it.


Hi! I love how dominant girl you are. Yes, I am a fuckable guy! My email is [redacted].



Dear Ferns,

I would first like to say thank you for your blog. i have been reading it for some … Continue Reading

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e[lust] #72

I’m delighted to be one of this month’s featured posts with Overcoming resistance *smile*.

Welcome to Elust #72

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #73? Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Invisible Pride: Bi Erasure
Disabled Gentleman

~ Featured Post

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Love: 1
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Cold call emails

I’ve mentioned before that I send out emails to submissive men who look interesting to me. Well, I say ‘submissive men’, but on OKCupid, I also sent emails to interesting-looking vanilla men (holy fuck beautiful eyes was one of those). I know I’m not the only (dominant) woman who does that.

And I know that a lot of submissive men would have this idea that the result of me doing that is a foregone conclusion. The man replies, is beside himself with shock and joy, puts his best foot forward, and we hold hands and merrily skip away.

That’s … Continue Reading

Loves: 5
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A wrongness

In general, I’m a pretty happy person. On a scale of 1-10, I’d say I average somewhere around a 7-8 in my every day life.

Sometimes, though, I feel like there is something wrong with me.

Mostly it’s some vague niggling thing in the back of my mind that lives there quietly and doesn’t bother me. In a lot of ways, I just don’t seem to function like other people in the world, and that’s okay. I realised this long ago and slowly, but I do remember some pivotal moments where I made decisions that changed who I was in … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
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