Conversations with my First

In case you don’t normally read comments, my First has contributed some thoughtful perspectives in the comments of these posts about him (he posts as Her First):


I had a blog around the time that we were in a relationship, possibly some journals also. I was curious enough about how I felt at the time to go looking for them.

I found the blog content and some old … Continue Reading

Loves: 2
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Reader Q&A: Finding partners, fantasies, BDSM integration

A blessed rest from contemplating my own navel…

Let’s see who’s been hiding all up in my Ask box, shall we?


I’m a 23 year old virgin male who is extremely submissive. Because of this, I have a hard time meeting women and always want them to take the lead (it has never worked). Any advice here? Kind of worried I may never find what I’m looking for.

My advice: Go where the … Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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Navel gazing

In a comment on my last post, Aethel said this about her current relationship:

“I really want to strangle his old doms whenever I think of them. I have had to undo the fears, almost expectations, of abuse that previous partners left behind”

Yeep. That sounds terrible, and I’m really glad that he has you to create that safe space for him.

I actually expect (though I haven’t asked) that my First’s partners after … Continue Reading

Loves: 12
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Unravelling the past

For the full story:

My First and I have been gently exploring our past relationship, and in doing so we have been exposing the fact that we never really understood each other. And when I say ‘never really understood’, I mean ‘had wildly different experiences in the same relationship’.

There was the ‘big misunderstanding‘ that underscored a lot of it, but it’s … Continue Reading

Loves: 10
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My sent emails XLV

I actually answered a personal ad by a local man that I happened across on Craigslist because it made me laugh.

I didn’t keep a copy, but it read something like this:

“This weekend I’m planning to rob a bank, steal a boat, then fake my own death.
I need a lady accomplice. Must be able to make sandwiches and have a sexy attitude.
We will escape to a private island where we will have
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Loves: 8
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Twice I have had men in my life say to me that they couldn’t come and see me.

Twice they were remote from me and there was an unspoken agreement that they would visit when they had the chance. In each case, it was a big trip, a long trip, but a given. It was what we did, what we needed to do.

Twice they used similar words, strange to hear them tripping out of … Continue Reading

Loves: 11
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Glimpses of history

If you are interested in some glimpses of how I saw my First in the time we were together, both of the posts below are about him.

I wrote a blog at the time (before blogs were a thing, hand coded in HTML), and kept a journal: both of these writings were based on descriptions I wrote back then, so they are true to my perspective at the time. There might be some others about … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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