I actually answered a personal ad by a local man that I happened across on Craigslist because it made me laugh.
I didn’t keep a copy, but it read something like this:
“This weekend I’m planning to rob a bank, steal a boat, then fake my own death.
I need a lady accomplice. Must be able to make sandwiches and have a sexy attitude.
We will escape to a private island where we will have our monkey butlers serve us pina coladas.
Are you in?”
Subject: Robbing a bank, stealing a boat, faking a death
I’m in. I assume you have it all meticulously planned already as otherwise ‘this weekend’ seems a little ambitious.
I can make a decent sandwich (no more than two fillings though, I don’t like to overcommit in this area), though I have less of a sexy attitude and more of a ‘fuck you’ attitude which I think will stand us in good stead when we are robbing the bank. I have found that yelling ‘GIVE ME THE FUCKING MONEY!’ works much better than standing around fluttering my eyelashes and flashing a bit of thigh in the robbery game. The monkey butlers would respond well to it also: those suckers need to be kept in line.
Also, I would like to dress up as Tony Abbot for the robbery: I hope that fits in with your plans for if blame is to be laid for stealing people’s money, that seems entirely appropriate. More demands: the boat must be a super yacht, and the fake death must rival horror movies in scale and amount of blood required for the special effects.
Where is this private island? Because no offence, but I have my standards.
I got this reply and nothing more:
“The best reply yet”
Well, oookaaay then.
Maybe he used up all his funny-delightful in the ad and had nothing left.