The role of erotica

NaBloWriMo[SubmissiveGuyComics is also doing a post for our NaBloWriMo project, though he’s hiding some of them on Twitter so if you aren’t following him, you should… ]


Earlier I tweeted this:


This morning I received the most heartwarming email from a lovely woman who credits my Domme Chronicles book for having had a positive influence on her 20+ year relationship with her husband. I was moved almost to tears by her words. I felt both proud and incredibly humbled.

They were exploring a femdom dynamic, and she was enjoying it well enough, but while it was fun for her, the ‘how is this sexy for me?’ bit was missing.

When you look around for information about how F/m works, it’s often shown as a kind of transactional exchange *even when that’s not the intent*:

  • She ‘does stuff’ to him if he’s ‘good’
  • Less commonly, she has him ‘do stuff’ to her if he’s ‘good’
  • If he does what she wants, she rewards him with something he wants
  • She will do something he likes, and to show his gratitude he will do something she likes

In addition, there is a wealth of information out there about how to be a ‘good dominant’, about how to play safely, how to manage D/s, about learning skills, about different kinds of play.

Which is all very well and good, but none of that provides a very compelling picture of a loving relationship or a passionate sex life.

It’s *erotica* that not just explains, but *shows* how it can be hot and sexy and intimate.

Not porn, which is nearly always devoid of sensual context, but erotica that places you in a scene where there is passion and connection and intimacy, and that engages more of your senses than just your genitals.

So it DOES sound grandiose to suggest that erotica can open up possibilities, but I do think that F/m dynamics are still largely hidden which means there are few reference points to see how love and play might actually work. And having glimpses into how intensely personal, hot, and passionate they can be can actually make a difference.

And that kind of blows my mind.


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  1. Thoughtful entry that can be illustrated by several of the domme pages in the recent “call to dommes” links (including yours, , please). The ones that reverberated with me all shared a sense of fun, a sense of partnership between the F and the m.
    Really why I return here daily.

  2. I can see why your writing had such an impact on her. Your writing has had that kind of impact on me as well, though for different reasons perhaps.

    I agree that typical porn and F/m stuff falls short. It focuses on the mechanics and tries to turn a guy on.

    You go deep into the relationship and how it can work. And you share your examples of how it works for you. That is rare and extremely valuable.


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