You have to give me what I want.
But it’s not enough for you to give me what I want.
You have to *want me to get what I want*.
But that’s still not enough either.
You have to want to be the one to give me that.
And even then, it’s not enough.
You have to *convince me* that you will give me what I want, that you want me to get what I want, that you want to be the one to give me that.
Then you have to convince me that it will make you happy.
And I won’t believe you. I won’t. Convincing me is hard. Because it’s hardly believable that that could make anyone happy. How could that make anyone happy?
And I am not convinced by words.
I am convinced by actions. I am convinced by evidence. I am convinced by behaviour.
I spoke to a vanilla man briefly on OKCupid. He said, “I can’t imagine offering the kind of devotion that you’re looking for.” It makes sense for him to view it that way because to a vanilla man D/s seems like enormous sacrifice. It feels like an unfair deal. It looks like all give and no take. It seems… terribly unequal.
But for the kind of submissive man who fits with me, it’s not a sacrifice: it’s his *preference*, it’s how he shows affection and love, it’s home.
And what he gets in return is everything I have to offer.