Random thoughts

I want to write ‘things’, but most are not worth a blog post (what IS worth a blog post, you may ask… fucked if I know!).

I don’t like how that feels, frankly. Sometimes this happens because I have lots of vague thoughts floating around in my head and I can’t grab any of them and make them solid, but lately it feels a little like my mind is empty. I have been doing some detailed stats work in the last couple of weeks and I fear that my brain has leaked out of my ears in the minutiae of it all.

I want to do an update on my body project, on my ‘Men who submit’ project, on my search for a submissive, on kissing (always!), on various frustrations and sweetnesses, but I just can’t seem to make those things gel into something substantive.

So for those who are following my tumblr for more than the pretty, you may want to wander off now: I am recycling random thoughts that I threw out there (shhhh, no telling!):

Watching a man blossom under relentless sexual attention is fascinating and hot and amazing and revelationary.

And for him then to learn how much sexual power he has in that context as an object of desire is just… guh!

Oh my fuck yes.

When I get some kissing, it really just makes me want more kissing.

I don’t think there’s ever an ‘enough’, there’s only ‘I have to stop just now, I’m rubbed raw’ or ‘I need food/sleep/air…’

Kissing is like the Chinese food of sex.

I fall a little in love with boys I play with. It’s one of the reasons I can’t do casual play.

They have a power over me when they can give me even just a little of the intensity that I seek. If they give me even a touch, a smidgeon, a taste, I hand over a little piece of my heart to them.

“Here you go, it’s yours.”

It hurts me when they take it and wander off. It takes a while to heal in the aftermath.

It’s worth it, and it’s also SO not worth it.

Absolutely I’d be up for trying things that weren’t my kink (personal squicks excluded) because really, my kink is ‘pushing his buttons and playing with the result’.

Connection, rapport, vulnerability, intimacy – I use whatever play works to get at all of those, the actual ‘thing’ is just a tool to get there.

He ‘gets’ me. I ‘get’ him.

Also I want to rip his clothes off and throw him into a wall every time I see him.

There, done.


I can list a bunch of things that are ‘objectively sexy’, but with my partners, they have all had this uncanny ability to be prey to my predator.

I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, but I know it, feel it, see it when he does it. It makes me WANT, aggressively and with force, and that is the sexiest thing ever.

It’s very irritating/annoying/depressing to keep reading how you’re doin’ it wrong, to see that smug nodding group-think that makes you feel bad and wrong over and over.

I know this.

I’m sorry if it ever sounds like I’m doing that (I’m sure it does at times: I’m an opinionated arsehole like that).

But hey, if someone makes you feel that, and even if they get a chorus of support-‘yeah!’s, you know what? Fuck them.

And yeah, if it’s me, fuck me too.

If you and your partners are in love and happy, you’re doing it right. All of it. Even if you stumble and falter and aren’t sure. Even then.

And everyone else can go fuck themselves.

Loves: 15
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  1. Sometimes random thoughts make more sense to others than you realize. Yes, I remember some of these thoughts from you. I remember having similar thoughts myself. At least your random thoughts make sense..now my thoughts are jealous of your thoughts.


  2. My heartfelt “Thank you” for the random thought on “doin’it wrong! First time in a long time I felt good about myself and my relationship. I wasn’t going to read your blog tonight. Felt to messed up and angry. Fate stepped in and I came here anyway. Just what I needed.

  3. I can relate. I can be so focused on complex analytical stuff that I can’t put thoughts together for other things too. Fortunately, there seems to come a time when my mind just reaches a limit on the task, and I have learned it is time to set it aside for a bit. Focus on something completely different. Let my mind free to spin wherever it wants.

    Often that helps, the problem is I can’t predict when, my mind is more like a cat, doing what it wants when it wants.

    But I am getting better at recognizing when to stay focused and when to take a break.

    Your random thoughts are well worth reading, so don’t feel like you need to apologize! I think re-reading is worthwhile too. Good stuff to ponder….

  4. Too many good things to talk about in one post! So I’ll focus on the two that speak the most to me.

    As enjoyable as it must be to see a guy realizing that he’s an object of desire, imagine how good it is for the guy. The first time feeling that you’re being lusted over. Blushing when she tells you what she wants to do to you. Blushing even more when she says the blushing is cute. Having no place to hide while she just undresses you with her eyes from across the table, trying to make you blush some more (and succeeding). It’s wonderful. But now it’s gone. I won’t be able to have that first-time feeling again.

    That same feeling of being desired plays into the predator/prey dynamic for me. I’m terrible at pursuing, and I hate it. But I love being pursued, and I’m so much better at it. I’m bad at flirting, but I’m great at flirting back, if that makes any sense. It goes back to the feeling of being desired. It gives me the confidence I need. The way things work best for me as far as flirting goes (heavily simplified) is something like: 1. She expresses interest; 2. I feel it out to make sure I’m not misinterpreting; 3. I “invite” her to come get me.

    1. “I won’t be able to have that first-time feeling again.”

      Not the first-time feeling, no. But I it’s still a potent heady brew subsequent times.

      “I’m bad at flirting, but I’m great at flirting back, if that makes any sense.”

      Yes, that makes sense. The initial flirting gives you a safe space to step into and a guide as to where to go. I can understand that.

      “I “invite” her to come get me.”

      *smile* Yes. I like that.


  5. “It’s very irritating/annoying/depressing to keep reading how you’re doin’ it wrong, to see that smug nodding group-think that makes you feel bad and wrong over and over.”
    That’s what slaps (the not good kind) are for also try looking smug that annoys them intensely.
    Unless it’s me telling you cos then it’s true
    *innocent face*

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