Holy fuck, this blog is 5 years old!
Okay okay, I confess, 5 years and one month and one day because I am rubbish at keeping track of these things and forgot about it, then I realised yesterday, and couldn’t be arsed to write a post and so, here we are at 5 years, one month and one day old (I would like to point out that I could have lied about that because I bet none of you would have checked and called me on it! But I’m an honest sort).
I think I’m supposed to throw out stats (856 posts) and numbers (856 posts!) and such, but instead, I went back and looked at the beginning.
Snowflake and I had already split up when I started this blog. The breakup had been painful, as breakups are, and I watched him disappear from me bit by bit. We were not going to keep in touch. We weren’t ‘friends’, not really. The relationship had been fast and furious and short lived.
For some reason, he didn’t delete the workout blog that I’d had him keep for me. I had wanted him to get his six pack back, and he had done that work for me and had tracked his progress there. I kept checking it, feeling like a strange kind of obsessive stalker, even though he was no longer updating it. And I wasn’t really looking for updates, I was just, strangely, looking at him, evidence of his existence, and I was waiting for that shock-but-not-really-a-shock that would hit me the day I clicked on the bookmark only to find that it had disappeared.
I looked at it less and less as time passed, and one day I was thinking about deleting the link from my favourites in a sad final kind of way, but instead, I clicked on it. And he had posted this. For me.
I’ve been doing it tough.
Haven’t exercised, felt flat, directionless and unmotivated.
Trying (as one does) to put “doing it tough ” into perspective, I thought about what it means to be doing it tough.
I guess in the scheme of things, everything is ‘okay’ really. Still…I’ve been happier.
My store is officially closed and the mayhem has begun.
I spent the day packing boxes and…wait for it…using power tools (a circular saw in this case) to modify the stands for their new life keeping me company day after day after day at home.
I really should have worn a tool-belt.
I miss my Caps Lock key
I remember the shock of seeing it still. Unexpected, sweet, difficult, full of secret codes that I’m not going to explain.
My very first post in this blog was a response to that, a reaction to finding that message.
Showing that vulnerability was really my ‘hello world’.
So five years (one month and one day) later, I’m really still doing much the same, though obviously life changes and my writing reflects my various moods and circumstances as I make my way. I appreciate those of you who give up some of your time to join me.
Thank you to those of you who have read and supported me over the years: Knowing that you are out there sharing my experiences and maybe going through similar things is wonderful for me. And for those who’ve just arrived and are currently going “WTF?! Where’s the femdom sexytimes?!”, hey, I’m working on it, geez!