On the occasion of my not-really blog anniversary

Holy fuck, this blog is 5 years old!

Okay okay, I confess, 5 years and one month and one day because I am rubbish at keeping track of these things and forgot about it, then I realised yesterday, and couldn’t be arsed to write a post and so, here we are at 5 years, one month and one day old (I would like to point out that I could have lied about that because I bet none of you would have checked and called me on it! But I’m an honest sort).

I think I’m supposed to throw out stats (856 posts) and numbers (856 posts!) and such, but instead, I went back and looked at the beginning.

My first post was a note to snowflake, my submissive before my boy.

Snowflake and I had already split up when I started this blog. The breakup had been painful, as breakups are, and I watched him disappear from me bit by bit. We were not going to keep in touch. We weren’t ‘friends’, not really. The relationship had been fast and furious and short lived.

For some reason, he didn’t delete the workout blog that I’d had him keep for me. I had wanted him to get his six pack back, and he had done that work for me and had tracked his progress there. I kept checking it, feeling like a strange kind of obsessive stalker, even though he was no longer updating it. And I wasn’t really looking for updates, I was just, strangely, looking at him, evidence of his existence, and I was waiting for that shock-but-not-really-a-shock that would hit me the day I clicked on the bookmark only to find that it had disappeared.

I looked at it less and less as time passed, and one day I was thinking about deleting the link from my favourites in a sad final kind of way, but instead, I clicked on it. And he had posted this. For me.

I’ve been doing it tough.

Haven’t exercised, felt flat, directionless and unmotivated.

Trying (as one does) to put “doing it tough ” into perspective, I thought about what it means to be doing it tough.
I guess in the scheme of things, everything is ‘okay’ really. Still…I’ve been happier.

My store is officially closed and the mayhem has begun.

I spent the day packing boxes and…wait for it…using power tools (a circular saw in this case) to modify the stands for their new life keeping me company day after day after day at home.

I really should have worn a tool-belt.

I miss my Caps Lock key

I remember the shock of seeing it still. Unexpected, sweet, difficult, full of secret codes that I’m not going to explain.

My very first post in this blog was a response to that, a reaction to finding that message.

Showing that vulnerability was really my ‘hello world’.

So five years (one month and one day) later, I’m really still doing much the same, though obviously life changes and my writing reflects my various moods and circumstances as I make my way. I appreciate those of you who give up some of your time to join me.

Thank you to those of you who have read and supported me over the years: Knowing that you are out there sharing my experiences and maybe going through similar things is wonderful for me. And for those who’ve just arrived and are currently going “WTF?! Where’s the femdom sexytimes?!”, hey, I’m working on it, geez!

Loves: 24
Please wait…

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  1. OK, So you were about a year into it when I first found your blog. It was the “Curiosity” post of October 18th 2009, (HA! I remember important stuff like that) and I had been quietly lurking for a while before responding to that post, asking for input from your readers. I remember being unsure of what, if any your response would be so I almost didn’t. I’m so happy that I did!

    I have been a steady and captivated reader ever since,and no matter what the circumstances, or life changes you’ve gone through, you have always put them out there as beautifully painted word pictures that I absolutely love.

    I adore your wit, charm, insight and cleverness (oh wait, that’s kinda like wit, is it not?)… Anyway, I have really enjoyed reading you these last for years, (SAY! that’s about as long as I’ve been crushing on you, go figure) and look forward to more years of doing so. For what it’s worth, much of what I learned about D/s, I learned from your site, and I thank you for being there to share your time and thoughts with me.

    *BIG CONGRATS HUGS* On 5 years!

    1. *smile* Thank you for your delurk way back when, for the sweetness, and for being such a good and lovely friend ever since.

      And for the congratulations! *hug*.


  2. You should totally have an online party with online cake and jelly and chocolate and a pony and a clown and hats and cake and chocolate and mmmmm chocolate


  3. First, Happy Blogiversary! That is so a word! You already know your blog is my favorite. I found it a few years ago and it stood out so much that when I first returned it is the first thing I looked for because I remembered you and your blog.

    I watch, and know also from firsthand experience, you impact the lives of your readers through your blog and I find it beautiful. I read some blogs, but with your blog I feel the words and that is why I keep coming back for more. Thank you gorgeous for touching our lives through your experiences.


  4. Happy Anniversary!! I can’t believe we’ve been together in blogland for 5 years! (hoping you don’t bother to check when I first commented on your blog…)

    Sending online champagne to add to the online cake and jelly and pony and clown!

    Thanks for the honesty, wit, wisdom and lovely tingles … and for the friendship with your readers. Your loveliness comes through.

    1. *sigh* Once upon a time I was worth REAL champagne… oh how times change :P.

      *smile* Thank you for the lovely compliments (and no, I did not check when you first commented on my blog… I’m sure it was day one or two…).


      1. You remain more than worthy of the real stuff for sure. And I predict that someday I again shall ensure a cascade of Ruinart delights your palate (though working through your local dealer was a bit of challenge, so it may require a personal visit *smile*)

  5. Happy not-really-anniversary! Keeping a blog going for 5 years (and a bit) is a lot of work!

    It’s funny, I never announce my blog anniversaries on time either. I get all excited about having kept it up for another year, but if I ever learn to keep track of time it’ll be one of the harbingers of the apocalypse, I swear :)

    Anyway, go you!

    1. Thank you *smile*.

      I know! Keeping track of obscure dates is hard. Though you know, if you DO happen to remember, it would give me some time to put on clean underwear for the apocalypse, so do feel free to do that.


  6. Ferns – Congratulaions on the (late) anniversary. I’ve been a regular eavesdropper for about 3 of those years. Like other folks have said, I appreciate your intelligence, wit, and writing style. Most of all, and very selfishly I might add, I appreciate your “blogs I read” list. My wife and I have been venturing down the subtle-but-real-femdom-lifestyle-path for a while now, and I have gleaned a lot of real insight from you, “the Dumb Domme”, and many others on your blog list. You have done a good job of sorting through the chaf to find good, thought provoking sites. Thanks.
    Keep the site going, please!

  7. Congratulations!

    I am glad you chose to do this blog. You have a very good perspective and you are a wonderful writer. Pondering your thoughts has taught me a lot about my own feelings and desires. I look forward to reading your blog well into the future. Yours is always the first one I check.

    Best wishes!


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