I’m moving on Monday. I hate moving. I hate packing, I hate unpacking, I hate change. I hate it all.

So I procrastinate.

This is what it looks like (imagine me dithering about this whole time…):

Right, I’ll do the clothes that I know I don’t need this week.
Wait, I need to put them in that big box, why are those clothes in that smaller box?
Oh yeah… ha! Old work clothes. I should probably throw them out.

*paws through clothes in smaller box*

Hey, that’s pretty cute, I’d still wear that… and that!
Ugh, okay not throwing it out just yet.
Still, I should use this smaller box for bathroom stuff, clothes in the bigger box.
But I want to keep those old work clothes separate.
I’ll put them in a garbage bag, THEN in the big box.

*wanders off to get garbage bag*
*throws garbage bag vaguely in the direction of the clothes*
*notices box with office stuff in it*

Oh! I should print that bond refund form before I pack the printer!

*goes to get printer, sets it up, finds form online*
*sends some emails, you know, while I’m there*
*downloads and prints form*
*fills in form*
*looks for obscure form information (bond number, bank account details… ugh…)*
*finishes form, gets an envelope, addresses it, puts both in with the lease stuff*
*unplugs printer, ties up cables*

*puts printer in a box*

Huzzah! I packed something!! Yay me!

*looks at clothes and garbage bag… ugh*

I should pack my toys in the lockable suitcase!

*takes non-toy things out of lockable suitcase*
*awws at old postcards that are in there*
*sheepishly unpacks things that have been in the suitcase since the last trip*
*admires pretty top, thinks, “I should wear that!”*
*goes to look in the mirror, tempted to try that on… doesn’t*
*throws ex-suitcase things on the bed… looks at the mess… ugh*
*makes a face at dirty panties that have been in the suitcase for months… geez!*
*goes to take the toys hanging behind the bedroom door down*
*admires hanging floggers, paddle, ropes etc*

Ha! So awesome, I should take a photo of that stuff!

*wanders off to find iphone to take a photo*

No!! Stop it!! Just frigging pack it. Geez!!

*takes all the hanging stuff down, shoves stuff into the lockable suitcase*

Right, now for the toys that are in the *other* suitcase…
I’ll put them in the lockable suitcase, then I can use the big one for linen.
I’m so smart. And thinking… always thinking…

*opens other suitcase full of ‘stuff’*

Ugh, tired now.

I should write a blog post about how crap I am at this.
Yeah! I’m totally doing that!!

*wanders off to computer…*
*writes this blog post*

Wish I’d taken that photo, I could really have used it for this really boring post.

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      1. It is easier to change an existing battle plan than to start with just a blank sheet of paper.

        Oh! That can’t be my advice for moving house? Still, maybe you could adapt it. It seems that you are already planning. You are planning what to keep. That is good. Plan where to place each thing in your new house. I would start with the big things. Please try to enjoy it. Good luck for Monday!

        Dr. Satan

        PS. I offer help for headaches, stress, anxiety and night starvation.


        1. “It seems that you are already planning.”

          Yes! I am planning to move. And to pack things prior to doing so. That’s a good plan, right?

          “Good luck for Monday!”

          Thank you!


        2. “That’s a good plan, right?” Yes I know this plan – its one of my best.

          1. Put it all off till the last minute.

          2. Get it all over with as quickly as possible.

          3. Sort it all out afterwards.

          It’s perfect.

          We are all thinking of you.


  1. I see a lot of myself in this one. I move (and do pretty much everything else) in much the same way. It’s more like a 40 years in the wilderness kind of migration than an actual move. Of course, I don’t have a pillar of fire to follow. It’s more like an alcohol induced haze.

    Anyway, best wishes on your move. May it be a smooth one!
    (Your post was NOT boring either)

    1. “It’s more like a 40 years in the wilderness kind of migration than an actual move.”

      *laugh* It *feels* like that!

      “Anyway, best wishes on your move. May it be a smooth one!”

      Thank you. I will just whine my way through it, and probably be up late Sunday night cursing myself for not doing all the stuff I should have done at a leisurely pace this week…


  2. Dahliiiiiiiiiiing there are people who do that sort thing you know * waves hand airily * You know ordinary people


    1. The only ordinary people I know who do that sort of thing want the moneys! Apparently I don’t know the *right* ordinary people… I shall have to work on that…


  3. All right, people, listen up! We have a job to do and we’re going to get it done! First rule. No panty sniffing! ALL delicates will be laundered prior to packing. Laura, yes you from the documentary, separate out the stuff that will have to be done by hand. Now, is there anyone here who doesn’t like to be spanked or whipped? Anyone at all? Bullshit, you’re lying! Go get that bottle and start polishing the silver. OK, you, start putting those paddles away in this suitcase. CAREFULLY!!

  4. Oh gaaawd. I know the feeling. I hate, hate, HATE moving! My partner and me can only keep the flat for 6 years and 4 months longer, I already dread the day we have to move out.
    Stuff just keeps getting more and more, which means you need more furniture, … ugh.
    The worst is dis- and reassembling furniture. YUK!

    Where any why are you moving anyway?

  5. Isn’t life funny? I’m not the least bit envious of your pretty boy, but I would have loved slogging your stuff up all those stairs.

  6. Hee hee hee.

    *Imagines Ferns in the corner, for her naughtiness in being such a procrastinater*

    Oh well, even THE Ferns isn’t perfect.

    I like that. Makes you more human :)

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