Ha! It’s not what you think, but now that you are here, read on…
Since it’s my forty-mumbleish birthday in a few months, I have decided that I should be in the best shape of my life right now. Truly. I have the time, I have no excuse, I live at the frigging beach for goodness’ sakes!
I can thank good Dutch genes and self awareness (versus physical activity and a good diet) for the body I have now. The genes are just rude luck, the self awareness relates to my theory of body care (proven, I will have you know!) which can be summarised by the following:
Sloth beats greed
It works like this: I am greedy, if I have yummy things in the house, *I will eat them all*! Truly, I will. However, I am also lazy, and I rely on the laziness outweighing the greed. How? I refuse to have junk food in the house. So if I *crave* something that’s bad for me, and don’t have it in the house, I know that I will be too damn lazy to go out and get any. So I just don’t have it. See how that works?
Yeah, I know. It’s brilliance! *takes a bow*
However, while this erstwhile strategy has worked to keep me at a pretty stable weight, it doesn’t actually magically give me any level of fitness at all, so I am slim, but kind of buttery-soft.
I’ve decided I’m going to address it, all gung-ho like.
To that end, for the last month I have been doing a brutal 6-day-a-week gym routine and I have been trying to eat more mindfully.
I know, impressive, right?!
My aim is to keep up the intensity for three months, and that will take me up to my birthday (yes, of course, presents are most welcome, thank you for asking!). At 12 weeks, I will reassess where I am and what next.
While I’m still doing fine with it, I’m now a month in and I am starting to hear those little voices in my head, you know the ones. The ones that were in my ear for ages before I actually started going to the gym, the ones that make excuses, that whine about going, that make it difficult to stay on track.
So, I have now invited my sweet friend Peroxide to join me. He talked about going to the gym ages ago (he promised pictures! Tease!), and then he became suspiciously quiet about it. So I have recruited him into my cult of gym-going so that we can stalk each other in a totally supportive, group huggish kind of way and I can send him encouraging emails, “YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TO THE GYM IN FOUR DAYS, DON’T GIVE ME YOUR EXCUSES, BOY!!” etc. I figured that if I have him to
nag support with kind words and bolstering, it will help me stay on track because I will then feel as if I must lead by example because being a hypocrite doesn’t sit well with me… win-win!!
So here’s my online training offer to you, yes YOU. You who have been meaning to do this for a while, but instead you are dicking about going, ‘Ugh, I should really get to the gym… I know I should…” while you sit on the couch eating chips and watching ‘Biggest Loser’. Believe me, I know. Starting is the hardest thing EVER.
COME AND JOIN ME!!
We can have a little D/s-ey fitness club that provides some mutual support. The public nature of it means there is some external accountability, and we can peek in on each other’s progress and give a kick in the arse here, a gentle nudge over there, a congratulatory pat when deserved.
I have just started using jefit.com to track my workouts. It has an iPhone/Android app that I used at the gym to record my workout for the first time today and it’s great (and free!). You can join over there and I will add you to my contacts, and you can be all techno geeky about your gym-going with me.
Join here: Jefit
Message me so I know who you are: Ferns
Copy my workout to use *: My gym routine (be warned, it’s a brutal regime and more than a little confusing. I’m happy to send you more information about it, just ask. You can, of course, create your own.)
Then I will be able to see your activity and progress, like peeking in your windows!
I expect there won’t be many takers for this offer, but if you contact me over there, I will happily give you some support in your training efforts, give you a little shove-along if you need it, and you can send me cute notes to help keep me true also *.
Even if you aren’t a member over there and aren’t interested in any of this, you can go and see my progress in this logging calendar. I might put that in the sidebar so that you can all keep me accountable. I mean, seriously, dommely Domme fails in her efforts to stick to a simple gym routine? That’s just humiliating!
I might even post a ‘before’ picture if I get enough interest. There’s incentive for you!!
Maybe an ‘after’ in a bikini at the end of the three months…
* Disclaimer: I am not a personal trainer and am not offering any expertise or professional advice here, this is solely about accountability and support.
Edited to add: Of course this gym-frenzy is probably because I’m not gettin’ any. Just saying.
Edited to add: If you are using some *other* web site that has a tracking mechanism, please still feel free to join us! With your permission, I will put a link to your tracker over there on my Check my workouts! page and we can still give you support and encouragement.