Formspring update…

I wrote about my Formspring experiment last week: I was going to see how it went before I decided whether to keep it or not. I love hearing from you good folks, LOVE IT! Whether it’s just a ‘hello there’, some heartwarming sweetness (OMG, love!), a D/s question or something random. It’s just a really fun exchange for me.

So, I’m going to keep it up for the moment to see how it goes.

You can click on the “Ask me!” link (in the menu at the top of the page) to ask your own question, leave a comment, or to see what has transpired so far (the mystery, the intrigue!!).

Having said that, I know that a lot of people only ever come to the front page, and I am all about the service, so I am pasting the Q&A added in the last week here:

Hello Lovely Ferns, I am a newbie Domme, loving your bog and all your awesome advise!!! So, I am learning about D/s. BDSM, my sexuality and submissive male sexuality all at once – its fun and sometimes a lil scary. I like your Blog as your approach to D/

Hello there, Miss Newbie Domme! Thank you so much for your note. I’m sorry it got cut off (apparently Formspring has a character limit on questions), not least because you were being so lovely!

I’m happy to hear that you are having fun out there in the world and delighted that you are finding something useful in my blog. I do hope it all continues to go wonderfully for you.


Have you ever had more then one boy at a time? And when they are serving you in a room at one time – do their normal male ego’s compete, or do they work in a team?

I never have.

When I have a submissive, he is my primary romantic partner, and I am pretty firmly monogamous. I really don’t have the emotional energy to manage more than one at a time. I also get pretty intense so I just don’t have any interest in another when I have ‘the one’.

In short, I’ve never had to worry about clashing egos, thank goodness.


OK, Miss Ferns, here’s one: I’ve seen a lot of dominants talk about getting off on causing pain (or, maybe more accurately, with some, getting off on the effect that the pain is having on their subs). Yet they don’t want to do humiliation.

To add the rest of your question that got cut off:

“As far as I can see, humiliation is just a more psychological version of pain. So why, do you think, there’s a difference?”

I think that’s a great question and I agree with you that humiliation is just a different form of masochism; psychological or emotional masochism.

As to why there’s a difference, I think there could be any number of reasons for why some dominants won’t touch it.

Some possibilities:

  1. It is not widely understood due to the ways it’s (mis)represented (see a gazillion stereotypical sneering references to ‘worthless worm’ etc)
  2. It is *hard* to understand – physical pain is easy to see, learn and easy to deliver, not so with humiliation
  3. Humiliation is difficult to learn because it’s so personal, and it’s tricky to do well
  4. It has a lot of negative connotations (see 1 above)
  5. It can be a much crueller thing than physical pain, and can cause a lot of damage, so that can be a significant barrier to entry
  6. They don’t believe it (the humiliating things they are saying or making him act out) and can’t ‘role play’ believing it
  7. (and this is a biggie) It just doesn’t turn them on. Doing it, his reaction to it etc maybe just doesn’t work for them

Personally, I can play with humiliation only mildly as part of overall passionate-hotness, when I see in that moment how I can twist the knife and when I twist it, and he is horrified and turned on and hurt and ripped open… guh!! Holy hell!

So I *know* how hot it can be, but I can’t make it a ‘thing’ because for me it only works in the heat of the moment. I *need* my submissive to be sexy to me, and my play keeps him in the ‘raawwrrr hot WANT!’ zone. Heavy humiliation takes him out of that zone to me, and that turns me off.


Hi Ferns! What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream?

*smile* Cute question.

I am moody with favourites of any kind (or maybe I just don’t like to commit).

Depending how I am feeling, some of my first choices would be white chocolate, fig & caramel, vanilla bean, Haagen-Dazs ‘dulce de leche’, chocolate chip, banana…

Maybe I’m just greedy and want them all!!


When you are tantalising and tormenting a lad do you like him to be quiet at first and then to be forced to be vocal.Or do you like him to reveal his inner self vocally from the start. Your writing reminds me of a couple of people but I won’t let on who.

I am very aural (I said *aural*!!), even though I am pretty quiet myself when I play. I love to hear my submissive; everything from a slight intake of breath to a whimper to a deep throated groan. I rarely use gags because I enjoy the sounds he makes so much, so I want to hear every single thing from him right from the beginning.

“Your writing reminds me of a couple of people but I won’t let on who.”

Unfair! Who who?!!


Do you have sisters? Like…,you know…, wonderful, funny, sensuous, dominant-ish?

*suspicious squint* There are many ways to interpret this question:

“You ain’t all that, is there a version of you that is, you know, *better* than you?”

“Phwoar, dominant SISTERS… maybe TWINS??!!!”

“I am interested in hereditary personality traits, how does that manifest with you?”

I will neither confirm or deny that I may or may not have a sister or more than one sister nor will I confirm or deny the level of my alleged sister/s’ level of wonderfulness, funniness, sensuality or dominance.

I hope that answered your question *laugh*.


With all the adoration your readers throw your way, do you ever, maybe not fantasize per se, but think about what it would be like to maybe meet any of your fans, see what happens?

What a great question, and yes, of course!!

Firstly, I have to caveat the ‘yes, of course!!’ and say that I’m not a social person (see my post about being an introvert), so if the question is “Would you meet someone who said “I’m a fan of your blog, want to meet for a coffee?”‘, the answer would be “No”. That is, I wouldn’t meet someone solely *because* they liked my blog.

BUT, my romantic little daydream is that some fabulous submissive man who reads my blog will think ‘Oh my god, she’s so amazing, I MUST get to know her!’, and strike up a scintillating email conversation that never ends and that reveals an irresistible, effortless compatibility… One thing will lead to another, we will fall madly in love and live happily ever after. *dreamy sigh*

Along those lines, e contacted me because he liked my blog and we went from there, so even though that didn’t work out, absolutely I think about it and am open to it.


I just wanted to say, I love reading your blog! Honestly, there’s no other blogs like it; with your lovely mixture of wit and honesty. I’m new to femdom and this blog has really helped me understand myself in a different way. So thank you!

*big smile* Oh, that’s so great to hear!! I am so glad you are getting something out of it. That makes me uber happy *bounce*.

Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know!


Do you enjoy dominating men who are bigger/stronger (and hence, could overpower you but instead submit willingly?) or are you more fond of skinnier guys who are less masculine? Thanks. I love what you do!

This question actually gets asked a lot in a D/s context, and for me the answer is that from a D/s perspective it’s not at all relevant. Quite honestly, even men who are smaller (shorter, skinnier) than me can overpower me. Even though I am tall and slim, I am a little weakling kitten like you see on the back of old comic books in advertisements for body building devices! So in that sense, the question is moot.

Outside of a D/s context, I like men who are taller than me. This has nothing to do with D/s, but is more to do with sexual attraction and not wanting to feel like an Amazon (which is hot in fantasy, but makes me feel all galumphy-jolly-giant out in the world which I don’t like).

My ‘ideal’ physical type is tall with lean and sinewy muscle (six pack *swoon*), but I don’t seek it out because other things are *much* more important. I cannot emphasise the *much more important* bit there enough.

In theory, I might say that I like a particular physical ‘type’, but when I meet a man who bowls me over with his amazing awesomeness, that ‘type’ becomes *completely* (and I mean *completely*!) irrelevant. Don’t get me wrong, I DO need to feel physically attracted to him, so I would never say that his looks don’t count, but a man has to come to me with *much* more than the packaging.

If you are asking out of concern about your desirability, rest assured that women are attracted to all ‘types’, D/s or no.

“I love what you do!”

Thank you, and I enjoyed the question!


Of course it’s worth keeping. If for no other reason, we all get the chance to say secret, random nice things to you when the spirit moves us.

*laugh* Thank you for the secret, random nice thing (this of course totally counts as one!). Your fun note made my evening!


I like you… Just sayin’

*smile* You can say that any time you like. Thank you for the sweetness.


Zomg, Fern’s actually used my touch up of the boot fit. Awesome! -Aa

*laugh* I totally did! I was going to send you a note to let you know, but you saw it before I could! Kudos!!

Thank you for the touch up, and if anyone wants to see it, it’s the lovely clean boot image on my facebook page:, [and on my Formspring page].


Penetrating Warmth,
You are the heat on my breath,
The blood in my veins.
Captivating kiss,
Takes me away from the pain,
You inflict with love.
Teeth marks linger on,
Brush strokes on a bleeding canvas,
I’m your work of art.

Hello beautiful work of art,

*smile* What a lovely and thoughtful gift, thank you so much for it.

You may formspring me anytime you like.


You’re lovely!

Oh! *smile* Thank you! And you are so lovely for saying so!

You are also my first anonymous Formspring question-asker (even though it wasn’t a question!). I wish I had a prize to give you.

Here, have a virtual cookie… *passes cookie* And since it is a virtual one, I can guarantee that it is your favourite kind!


Ferns, As a newbie sub I’m having uncontrollable physical reactions when I speak w/the Dominant Woman I am interested in. These include shivering, body tingling, precum, (among others). We have no agreement of any kind. Just friends. Is this normal?

Wow, that sounds amazing!

Do I think it’s ‘normal’ as in ‘happens to lots of people all the time’? No.

Having said that, I think that for some people, especially those who are very emotionally open (which is a hugely rare and wonderful quality), being exposed to D/s for the first time can be a really powerful experience, what with self discovery, being (finally) free to express yourself, presumably seeing hints of what’s possible… That can be heady stuff and it sounds like it is hitting you really hard, hopefully in a good way.

Enjoy it, talk to her about it so that she can give you support if you need it, and look after your heart.

Loves: 1
Please wait…

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  1. Ferns… how come you get all the great questions? *whine*

    I tried the Formspring thing and all I got was “why do I like to eat my own cum?” and “would you like to change my diaper?”

    1. *laugh* Curse you, woman! You *know* what is going to turn up in my questions now, don’t you?!! *waves fist wildly*

      I know that I am intensely uber lucky with my readers, they are completely amazing! I get *very* few “Nggghhh drool… fapfapfap” comments or emails or (so far!) anonymous questions.

      I don’t know why, but I’m so very grateful!


      1. Well now I’m curious, I was going to do this in the formspring thing, but character limits prevented me from asking the question the way I want to.

        You’ve written posts about play it is generally a bit outside your purview (puppyplay, watersports) but you also write that for you femdom is about getting what you want.

        So if you had a absolutely marvelous sub who confessed to being curious about/wildly aroused by diaper play.

        I guessing you still wouldn’t be interested am I correct, or can you see any way to achieve the heart wrenching vulnerability you want from a sub with that sort of play?

      2. Bah! You SO could have pared that question down!

        “You’ve written posts about play it is generally a bit outside your purview (puppyplay, watersports)”

        Yep, at some point *everything* is outside of your experience, no? Stepping into that is how you learn what you like or don’t like, and I am actually often influenced by my submissive in that.

        “…but you also write that for you femdom is about getting what you want.”

        Simplified to the point of caricature, but okay.

        “So if you had a absolutely marvelous sub who confessed to being curious about/wildly aroused by diaper play. I guessing you still wouldn’t be interested am I correct, or can you see any way to achieve the heart wrenching vulnerability you want from a sub with that sort of play?”

        I’m generally open to trying things that I haven’t tried before *if* the individual fits me in other ways, it doesn’t squick me out, and it’s not a major fetish for him.

        So sure, I’d try it and it might work if everything else is firing. In the same way that pee is not sexy, but piss play can totally work for me, diapers are not hot to me, but who knows.

        Now if diaper play included scat, we would have a whole other question on our hands…


  2. As always, great post, and, like Dumb Domme, I envy you. I too find that the questions I’m asked tend toward the… undesirable. I tried Formspring years ago, and all I got were versions of those mentioned by DD. More recently, I’ve experimented with PureChat, which is similar but also has a chat function, so, if I’m online, readers can initiate a chat with me. And, the paid version would let me initiate a chat with individual readers. It’s right on the line between cool and creepy – maybe on the creepy side. But basically all of those who’ve chatted me up have been horny guys either hoping to get off or – generally – expressing envy in an unappealing way.

    There have been 2 or 3 exceptions – loyal readers who’ve taken the opportunity to say hi, express gratitude, but to do so in a way that preserves their anonymity.

    As always, thanks!

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