I am doing fine. Thank you all for the kind thoughts and the support. I appreciate it very much.
It is disappointing, but I was pretty careful not to get too emotionally invested in it before meeting, so while it is sad, it is not really a heart-bruise, if you know what I mean. It’s more that I was so hopeful and the hopes are now dashed than dealing with the pain of “I truly thought he was the one”. There is sadness and disappointment and there are random swimmy depressing thoughts, but not ‘hurt’, if you know what I mean.
At the moment, I am settling back into normality. It will take a little while, I think.
The hardest thing is that I now don’t have that same exciting anticipatory contact full of promise and flirting that I had in those months before I left. It was so full of wonderful possibility, of potential for heart-aching happiness. I miss it madly.
Still, e and I are being sweet with each other in the aftermath. I miss threatening to punch him in the sternum, and he misses being threatened (see how sweet we are?!). We essentially spent 2 weeks in each others pockets, we talked and laughed and teased and bristled and argued and generally became really close, despite the fact that there was no chemistry. We are patting and nudging each other a little with cute emails, so there is some loveliness there as we each adjust.
On the upside, I am beyond glad that I don’t have to deal with the stress of figuring out next steps, including the logistics of relocation, if it HAD been wonderful. So there’s that (see that, that’s positive thinking, that is!)!