Light my fire

My body is on hiatus. Maybe it’s been the stress of an uncertain living situation for so long and then the actual move. Or maybe it’s recent disappointments worming their way into my psyche. I don’t know.

If I had a penis, pretty sure I’d be going through some kind of erectile dysfunction issue right now.

I try to masturbate every day. Usually in the morning before I get up.

It’s not some grand and sexy goal, I’m just very aware that my body is prone to going into hibernation when I don’t have an erotic target who’s firing up my synapses, and I vaguely worry that if I don’t remind it what it’s capable of, it will forget.

My desire is primed and stoked by having someone to aim it at and when that’s lacking it’s frighteningly easy for me to just… turn it off and forget about it. But I think about my body like a machine, and I worry that if I don’t regularly get it out and take it for a run, all the parts will seize up.

At least some of that is worrying that the passing years will render my sexuality asunder. When I find myself excited about someone anew, I am always more than a little relieved to find that that isn’t the case. In the meantime, I try to keep it humming.

The last couple of times I’ve come it has been so very flat: Less a fabulous peak of pleasure and more just my body sullenly acknowledging that it did the thing it was supposed to do and it’s done now.

Need to do something about that…

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15 Comments

  1. My desire is primed and stoked by having someone to aim it at and when that’s lacking it’s frighteningly easy for me to just… turn it off and forget about it.

    THIS. Thank you.

    I understand this. Completely, totally, fully, absolutely understand.

    And you stated it perfectly.

    Desire, libido, sexual interest… Whatever you want to call it: It’s like a heat-seeking missile. There’s not even an option to deploy it when there’s no target on the radar.

    And perfunctory maintenance is… Well, it’s perfunctory maintenance. Which is about as not-exciting as the label implies.

    1. Glad you could relate :).

      And yes ‘perfunctory maintenance’ is perfectly apt.

      This, though, is a dip even in that. Like my body is sulking. Normally it’s ‘functional’, but still, an orgasm felt like an orgasm, there was pleasure in it. Right now it’s just… not.

      I’m sure it’s temporary. I obviously need to find a target for that heat-seeking missile :).

      Ferns

  2. You reminded me of an article I read some years back. It claimed that the less we have sex, the less our body needs/wants it. Essentially the same as what you are saying: without someone to stoke your fire, you need to do it yourself or it will burn out. The article also suggested that the inverse was somewhat true, in that having a regular sexual partner increases your desire above where it was before you met them. It’s not you, it’s human bodies!

    1. Ahh, that’s interesting.

      Maybe because I follow a lot of sex bloggers, what I see a lot of is more ‘I haven’t had sex for a while, GOTTA GET ME SOME OR I’M GONNA EXPLODE!’ Their desire for sex builds all by itself, it exists, and it cycles up in a sexual vacuum, and then they look for somewhere to put it.

      Maybe that’s not so common. Maybe it just SEEMS common because sex bloggers are a more sexually orientated group of people (or they just write about it more!).

      Ferns

      1. I get the “gotta get me some or I’m gonna explode thing” if I’m in a relationship or have been getting laid regularly and then I have to go without for a short while. Like, I took a trip recently separate from the boy, and when I had a flight delayed on the way back my reaction was not “gah, now I’m stuck in an airport,” but “OH NO I WAS SUPPOSED TO SEE THE BOY AND GET LAID TONIGHT.”

        But when I’ve been single for longer periods, my sex drive seems to really level out. It’s kind of frustrating in its own way–I’ll know intellectually that I like sex and would probably enjoy it if I sought it out, but the motivation just isn’t there.

  3. “If I had a penis, pretty sure I’d be going through some kind of erectile dysfunction issue right now.”

    …. *sigh* …. I come here to get away from my problems. :/

    Have you considered that your body and mind aren’t machines, and that desire and arousal are actually delicate tools to help you navigate life and interact with suitable partners?

    Trying to constantly maintain a level of excitement in the absence of natural stimulation would be draining for anyone.

    So the last couple of times you’ve come it’s seemed a little flat. Shouldn’t it? You’re not with someone who makes you sparkle.

    If you have the courage, try this: masturbate and then when you’re about to come click on this link and then finish the job.

    I promise you won’t feel sullen afterwards.

    I don’t know what you *will* feel, but …..

    Yours,

    Mr Feelgood

      1. Of course I do.

        But I can’t always relate to your experiences and I don’t always agree with your worldview (not that you should be troubled by that, it’s just, like, you’re wrong etc etc).

        And I made some bloody good points there.

        And also my love of Stephan Dennis’ one and only hit is real. I wanted to share that with you. I want to share that with the world.

        Yours,

        Ghost of Optimism

  4. I pretty much feel horny whether I’m single OR in a relationship, though when I’m single it’s often in a more frustrated, agitating way whereas I enjoy feeling like that more when I’m in a relationship.

    In terms of the perfunctory maintenance of masterbating, I’ve actually been reading a bit lately about autoeroticism. Practitioners reckon it’s a way of ascending to higher levels, like a kind of tantric thing! This intrigues me, I think a person would have to have a strong creative imagination to put themselves in that headspace.

    As for feeling horny or not, as I’ve got older I’ve found that my FemDom instinct has led me to explore things away from the obvious solo antics. For example I’ve become increasingly fascinated by the theme of Goddess Worship in ancient cultures (and modern ones!) This can blend with sacred sexuality, sacred kink…

    Anyway, the point is that where I would have spent an afternoon just touching myself, I now sit reading books about history, archaeology, intellectualising on all sorts! To me it’s still FemDom, cause I feel that FD isn’t just what goes on in the bedroom, it’s erotic and also emotional, mental, intellectual, spiritual thing, they all blend.

    1. I tend to get the idea that MOST people just get horny without any particular reason. I have no idea if that’s true or not.

      It’s great that you can frame ‘learning about things’ as femdom and have that wider view that leads to good things for yourself. I think that’s a lovely way to look at it.

      Ferns

  5. I think it’s fantastic that you have written this post! I read so many blogs from those with a drive for sex I haven’t had in a long time. It only really revs up when I develop a new interest in a person or kink. The rest of the time masturbation is more of a physical than emotional experience for me.
    Aurora x

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