Remote connections

The sex-voiced Texan is contemplating his options.

“I like you a ridiculous amount,” he says to me while he is deciding whether to turn away from this or not. Whatever ‘this’ is exactly.

He has made some decisions that leave an impending visit far enough away for it to become something vague and untouchable. In light of that, he is disappointed and hurt and sad. He is right to be. These connections that you can form remotely are confusing, and intense, and often pointless. He has no experience with it, and he has reached the feeling of aimless sadness much sooner than most. Generally, the joy has to be waning for that feeling to be front-and-centre. We were nowhere near that yet.

There are two choices with this sort of thing:

a. It runs out of steam because there’s nowhere for it to go
b. It becomes a necessary inevitability to meet and we do something about that

He jumped straight to the second quickly, and with a plan in place, he was running at me with a delightful enthusiasm. With his plan scuppered, he is floundering.

Because what are we doing?

I felt him withdrawing before he brought it up with me, his reluctance was palpable, even over this distance. He didn’t want to disappoint me, he said when he came to me with it.

I want so badly to fight for him, but it would be unfair. I could talk him into making the decision I want, but being aware of my power in that is exactly what makes it wrong to exercise it. And really, I don’t want to talk him into it: he either leaps eagerly into the fray because ‘fuck it!’ or he needs to let it go.

So, I’m waiting.

And quietly going mad.

And hoping he will stick it out with me until we reach either a or b. If it’s a, well okay then. If it’s b, we will work something out. We hadn’t hit either of those yet.

I miss him.

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22 Comments

    1. Me either. Waiting for things that are out of my control is maddening!

      I hope so too. I really enjoy him, and it’s rare for me to find that.

      Ferns

  1. Hi Ferns, sorry that things arent progressing as you had hoped. I heard on the radio today that the average LDR lasts around four months. Not sure if they suggested why, but just an interesting tidbit prompted by your post.

    1. I can well imagine that to be true (though I assume they mean LDRs where they haven’t met, because a lot of people with partners in the military are in big trouble otherwise!).

      I’ve had LDRs that have remained long distance with meetups when we could manage it which lasted a couple of years and I’ve had LDRs that led to live-in relationships, so I’m willing to give them a good ole college try *smile*.

      Ferns

  2. Awww hugs for you dear! I have this thing about faith… faith that there is a plan and life will work out the way it’s supposed to. Hopefully this works out how you hope and desire it to.

    1. Thanks for the hugs.

      I’m not so sure about there being a plan, but I do know that when I find something I like I’m reluctant to lose it.

      Ferns

  3. Hey you Texan boy don’t make come over there you hear *waves cattle prod wildly…. It’s way past fist waving time*
    Coug

  4. This is simply unacceptable. How dare someone cause you mental pain – even if he is hot, sexy and American.

    I have felt for you all day since I read this and know that it just sucks. I always think the fact that something can’t be decided and fixed in minutes is usually the worst part because of the waiting, but, nonetheless, here’s a virtual hug.

    That said, in a week you get a real one!

  5. Sending very hopeful vibes you get to b… one way or another. Soon. And if not b, but a… soon as well, giving the madness waiting induces.

    Maybe time for a project to distract you from the waiting? (remembering your video….)

    1. Thanks for the hopeful vibes: much appreciated.

      You know I did try to kick off a similar project a while ago, but then I dropped the ball so it went nowhere. Bad Ferns!

      Ferns

  6. I have this tremendous love/hate relationship with the net! It brings me into contact with some incredible people, especially men that 95% of the time I’ll never meet them face to face. But oh… what lovely connections I’ve experienced and the added richness to my life I love.

    The never having more of them than that…! UGH

    I hope the odds lean in your favor on this. We all need to hear some good news!!!

    xxoo

    ~ Vista

    1. That’s SO true!

      The Texan has zero experience with remote connections, and that’s a big deal: It hurts and confuses him to not have more, or at least the imminent promise of more.

      I think the idea that there is joy in it purely for what it is comes from having had those experiences. Now that a visit is so much further away, I don’t think that idea makes much sense to him.

      Thanks for the positive thoughts :).

      Ferns

  7. Bloody hell….sending good vibes and hugs…..
    My two cents worth…. I think it shows he
    Is serious …. And thoughtful…..hopefully
    B will be an opinion…
    I really feel this could work out! Xx

  8. Ugh! I know the agony of this situation too well!
    Personally because I love you ( in the most non creepy way) I’m hoping he goes with b. I was in the same place a month ago and the guy chose to take the leap. It’s still very early but I’m happy and I hope you will have the same happiness too. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you or perhaps create a hashtag. #planB then again that could be copy write infringement.. Lol

    1. Oh, I’m so glad your guy chose to go with it! :))

      I DO think we would get to b if he was willing to risk it, but I also think that life being what it is we WILL both get hurt in the end. I’m willing to pay the price: I think he’s worth it, but if he’s already hurt by it all now, what’s likely to come later will be *really* hard for him. Of course, being me, I told him all that: I wanted him to have all the information to make a decision, and I believe that to be the truth.

      I’m loving the idea of ‘#PlanB’ *laugh*.

      Thanks for the positive thoughts, and I hope it continues to go well with your guy.

      Ferns

  9. Ooh, feeling anxious for you! Hopefully he makes the leap into Option B! Regardless of how he reacts, do update us!!! :D

  10. This is a good example of power. Not the use thereof, but the non-use. That may be as important or more important than actually using power.

    The waiting is horrible, been there… May it all work out in the way that both of your wish it to.

    Faith

    1. Thank you for the ‘non-use of power’ comment. It’s an interesting topic in and of itself. When you’re a bit of a steamroller like I am, the line between ‘convincing/persuading/influencing’ and ‘railroading’ is hella hazy.

      And yeah, sitting on my hands doing nothing is hard, but he needs a clear head to make whatever decision is right for him.

      Ferns

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