Punishment

My D/s relationships include punishment. Not ‘funishment’ which is playing at punishment for fun (“Naughty boy!” *giggle* Thwak! etc), but punishment… a penalty for getting something wrong.

Punish
–verb (used with object)

  1. to subject to pain, loss, confinement, death, etc., as a penalty for some offense, transgression, or fault: to punish a criminal.
  2. to inflict a penalty for (an offense, fault, etc.): to punish theft.

Ok… not death, obviously (did that need saying? Of course it did!), and I don’t use corporal punishment because that’s too close to play for me. I mostly make him do boring, tedious tasks that are intended to remind and… well… punish. The many anti-punishment folks who somehow leap to the either/or argument (discussion OR punishment) are being simplistic and sometimes deliberately obtuse. For me, it’s not either/or, it’s both.

So yes, yes, of course we talk about whatever went wrong, get to the bottom of it, come up with strategies to address it, we do all that… and then, when we have done all that, then he gets punished.

Punishments are not a deterrent, and I understand those tedious arguments that we are all adults and adults don’t punish other adults *yawn*… but I use them anyway.

There are three main reasons:

  • They are a concrete consequence for transgressions
  • They reinforce the dynamic (bring us back to our D/s ‘norm’)
  • They act as a penance and allow closure

None of those reasons is ‘to make him obey’. If a boy is obeying because he is avoiding punishment, or ‘needs’ punishment to feel submissive enough to obey, his motivation is external and I don’t believe that’s sustainable. That approach creates a bunch of work for his dominant, and she ends up serving his needs, having to come up with what are essentially ‘tricks’ to keep him externally motivated. His desire to obey should ideally be ‘because it makes my dominant happy’ and punishment should be on those rare occasions that he fails.

I don’t like giving punishment for the simple fact that it means he failed at something, and I don’t like to see him fail, ever. I always want him to succeed in pleasing me, his doing well makes us both happy. I get despondent if he fails at a few things in a row… it means that something is not right… even if they are ‘accidental’ transgressions… to me a series of transgressions is a signal that there is a problem.

I also don’t give punishments that are fun for me, it’s not a game like that. It is very rare that I make punishments something that I enjoy, because then he will enjoy my enjoyment (little devil!)… so his sneaky fun at watching me get pleasure from him defeats the purpose.

If all is working as it should, he will feel so bad about failing at something that ‘punishment as a deterrent’ is completely unnecessary. I punish him for the reasons I mentioned above, with one of the biggest reasons, perhaps, being that it’s a penance… a way for him to stop beating himself up, to atone and close the door.

As to the sort of punishments I give… truly, they are dull and to be avoided. He left the toilet seat up, so I had him kneel there by the toilet and put the seat up and down 50 times, counting out loud so that I could hear in the other room. He forgot to address me correctly, so he had to write out several pages of repetitious lines stating what my expectation is.

See… not even a bit of fun in it… just… well… punishment.

More on punishment here.

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44 Comments

  1. It would be the lines that would really land me in trouble. my hand writting is poor at the best of times and be lucky to get one page done let alone several.

    ID

  2. I'm pleased and inspired to see such thoughtful analysis over not only the difference between “punishment” and “funishment” (which most novices miss), but also the reasoning and efficacy behind punishment itself, which many experienced kinksters never really contemplate.

    Mutualism is an oft-overlooked trait of every BDSM dynamic; that is, the idea that we're both here willingly, and we're doing the things we're doing because we both enjoy it. Or, at the very least–as you mentioned–we're enjoying each other enjoying it. Mutualism means that the “excuse” of punishments and rewards are profoundly optional. You shove a strapon into your submissive's throat because *he enjoys it*, not because you're “punishing” him for being mouthy–that's just part of the game. You let your submissive orgasm because *you enjoy getting him off*, not because he earned it–that's just part of the game.

    This is probably why many submissives consider their dominant's disappointment to be the worst punishment; I think this is because disappointment isn't just “part of the game”–it's as real as it gets; kinksters aren't the only ones who get disappointed in each other. People do–everyone does. It reaches beyond the BDSM dynamic and into your relationship as human beings profoundly.

  3. I'm with Giles–I crave punishment but do my best never to deserve it.

    I have a specific kink for punishment–not just sensation play. I think there can be a continuum between funishment and punishment–the two *can* be blended well (or become hopelessly muddled and ineffective, I agree).

    There have been many punishments in my life that were both “fun” and have served as reminders of proper behavior. Perhaps the key is that I already have the basic motivation.

  4. I have learned to view “punishment” as one part of the greater systematic instruction of discipline. The ultimate aim of which is to make a someone a “disciple” or follower.

    Although unpleasant, punishment is actually an act of love and concern when it is done in order to preserve the relationship or as you put it “reinforce the dynamic “.

  5. “Mutualism means that the “excuse” of punishments and rewards are profoundly optional. You shove a strapon into your submissive's throat because *he enjoys it*, not because you're “punishing” him for being mouthy–that's just part of the game. You let your submissive orgasm because *you enjoy getting him off*, not because he earned it–that's just part of the game.”(Submissivedude)

    I don't know a lot about BDSM relationships, I've been trying to read more and more about it through blogs including this one and I was starting to see how they work as a real, true, honest, deep relationship – but this comment's thrown me off.

    Are BDSM relationships just a lifelong game? Wouldn't that be tiresome?

    – Disco

  6. My beloved and I are just (re)starting to explore how she can asset authority in our relationship. Part of that is clearly what we call “consequences.”

    But I think the distinction you've made between “funishment” and “punishment” is a good one. And the role you assign to punishment – closure, penance, and mindfulness to avoid the behavior in the future.

    The worst punishment I can see is that look of disappointment in my beloved's eyes when I've let her down.

    But, as a submissive, there is an up-side to punishment, even if it's unpleasant: it means that she cares about the behavior. At a time when our relationship is just finding itself in terms of dominance and submission, it means she noticed and cared about my mis-steps.

    We acknowledge that this is very dangerous, because it risks becoming me poking at her to say, “Do you care?,” “Did you notice?”. Right now we have only two defenses against that dynamic: communication, whereby I'm obligated too tell her everything that's going on in my head around this. So if my burning question is “Do you care?”, I am required to ask. And self-reporting: This isn't to be burden for her to figure out what I might or might not have done. It's my responsibility to list those for her, and accept whatever the consequence, from nothing to something very onerous.

    It's not that my beloved doesn't care about me; she cares deeply. But it's that this is hard for me to hear.

    Thanks for shedding light on this.
    Jamie

  7. I was pleased to read you discourse on punishment ferns. You enscapulated your reasons for punishing well. I have seen a lot of submissives that have willingly committed acts to gain funishment because their Dommes have been gentle and kind .
    Failure doesnt mean punishment in my book. The fact that a sub tries his heart out and then fails is no reason for punishment.
    Failure to stay within the protocols and failure to address correctly( as you pointed out) is more pertinent.
    Should punishment take the form of re-training?

    The re-training could include repetitive physical actions as well as reinforcing the protocols you desire to be fulfilled. let us not forget that it is your wishes that are paramount here .

    The other point is Ferns that your boy to succeed in pleasing you will be bound to fail at some point . You may believe that to feel bad about failure will be a deterrent but I know this fear could bring on self doubt, a dispostion of fear of failure in an attempt to please you.
    Surely a free spirit bound within your protocols, serving you well would be more attainable .

    I hope you are well and as magnificent as usual.

    Yours subrob

  8. ID: “It would be the lines that would really land me in trouble. my hand writting is poor at the best of times and be lucky to get one page done let alone several.”

    I want to write something facetious about how you would be repeating it until you got it right (heh), but really, punishment have to be tailored to work… God forbid you get into a situation where a submissive fails, gets a punishment, then fails at the punishment… Then you would be there forever!

    Ferns

  9. submissivedude: “I'm pleased and inspired to see such thoughtful analysis…”

    Good, thank you!

    “Mutualism… the idea that we're both here willingly, and we're doing the things we're doing because we both enjoy it.”

    I'd change that a little to say “because we both agreed to it…”. Often things aren't enjoyable, but the agreement stands firm, regardless, and at best, that unenjoyable thing is for the benefit of the relationship.

    “Mutualism means that the “excuse” of punishments and rewards are profoundly optional.”

    Now here you are clearly talking about funishment… right? Strap on abuse, coming or not.. that is all play related. Disco asked a similar question a bit further on, and I am making the assumption.

    “This is probably why many submissives consider their dominant's disappointment to be the worst punishment…”

    Yes, this. And since most submissives (hopefully) have a strong drive to please their dominant, when they disappoint, it cuts deep.

    Ferns

  10. Giles English: “I think this highlights the difference between play sessions, no matter how extended, and lifestyle relationships.”

    It does, yes. For me, submission, and in particular, obedience and compliance, is how he shows his affection. It is not play, it is a way of relating. My paying attention, having expectations, enacting punishment is one of the ways that I show affection.

    “In role, I avoid punishment even though I crave it.”

    In role… then you mean funishment, yes? And yes, playing with that can be much fun.

    Ferns

  11. Étienne: “I'm with Giles–I crave punishment but do my best never to deserve it.”

    I would love it if you would come back and explain this, Étienne. If punishment were something like writing out lines, or researching ways to make box girder bridges, does that still seem like something you would crave? Or is there a particular *type* of punishment you are thinking of when you say that?

    If you crave a particular type, I get it (and that's why I don't use fun things for punishment, I don't *want* him to be seeking it out). If you crave punishment that is truly boring and tedious, I am perplexed.

    “…the two *can* be blended well (or become hopelessly muddled and ineffective, I agree).”

    I think it does very much depend on those involved… for me, I just can't see how would I want to do some fun thing with him when he has disappointed me. I play when I am hungry and grrr-ish, and I can't imagine bringing genuine disappointment into that headspace.

    “Perhaps the key is that I already have the basic motivation.”

    Maybe… if it works, it works… can't argue with that, nor would I want to!

    Ferns

  12. slapshot: “I have learned to view “punishment” as one part of the greater systematic instruction of discipline.”

    Yes, exactly… it is a tool like any other.

    “Although unpleasant, punishment is actually an act of love and concern when it is done in order to preserve the relationship or as you put it “reinforce the dynamic “.”

    smile Exactly. I wrote this post
    a while ago along these lines… for me, if there is no consequence for a transgression, it's really a sign that I have lost interest. It is hurtful to him.

    Ferns

  13. Disco: “…this comment's thrown me off.”

    I assumed that submissivedude *was* talking about funishment in that section, but unless he comes back to confirm, I am guessing.

    “Are BDSM relationships just a lifelong game? Wouldn't that be tiresome?”

    There are as many different BDSM relationships as there are people involved. So yes, for some it's game playing or role playing, for some it's bedroom only, for some it's control based with no play, for some… well… you get the idea.

    Often in BDSM or D/s related discussions, one contributer may be talking about oranges, and the other is talking about gorillas… and they will argue vehemently for ages before coming to the realisation that each has completely different assumptions around the topic (and sometimes they never come to that realisation and each just thinks the other is a complete idiot…).

    Ferns

  14. Jamie: “But, as a submissive, there is an up-side to punishment, even if it's unpleasant: it means that she cares about the behavior. At a time when our relationship is just finding itself in terms of dominance and submission, it means she noticed and cared about my mis-steps.”

    Well said.

    It sounds like you and your beloved have good communication and some great strategies to deal with possible issues. I wish you the very best of luck!

    Ferns

  15. subrob: “Failure doesnt mean punishment in my book. The fact that a sub tries his heart out and then fails is no reason for punishment.”

    I agree, sometimes there are circumstances beyond his control. If he is in a car accident and is then late for dinner, he will not be punished for tardiness. Common sense prevails… thank goodness!

    “Should punishment take the form of re-training?”

    I think slapshot enapsulated it well in that punishment is a part of a system of discipline. I mentioned in my post that punishment is not the fixer. You need to address the problem, and how you do that depends on any number of factors.

    “The other point is Ferns that your boy to succeed in pleasing you will be bound to fail at some point . You may believe that to feel bad about failure will be a deterrent but I know this fear could bring on self doubt, a dispostion of fear of failure in an attempt to please you.”

    I think you misunderstood… I don't *cause* my submissive to feel bad when he fails… he just… does. Disappointing me results in an internal dialogue that he has with himself where he beats himself up about it. Punishment often works as a way to help him let it go.

    “I hope you are well and as magnificent as usual.”

    Thank you, I am *smile*

    Ferns

  16. Miss Ferns, I eroticize the concept of punishment. The idea that I've been bad, and must suffer as a result, turns me on.

    At the same time, the idea that I've failed, or done something wrong, or failed to please, is highly unpleasant to me.

    I think these two feelings come from more or less the same place–some belief that I must be perfect to be loved, and if I'm ever not perfect, punishment makes up for it. However, they result in the dilemma I mentioned; I want the experience of punishment, of purification, of being purged of my sins; I just don't want to have committed the sins.

    In the situation where I have sinned, I have a natural desire not to do it again. And yet–punishment helps. It helps purge me of guilt, but it also helps remind me not to sin again. And that works even if the punishment is something “fun”, like a beating.

    By the way–writing lines is *very* erotic to me. :-)

  17. Disco–When I use the term “game,” I mean to infuse it with a little more meaning than it is usually ascribed. Games are not just for fun. A game is merely an additional set of rules, restrictions and abstractions that we apply to our existing behavior. In the same sense that war is a game, BDSM is a game. I consider this a useful way of looking at things because it solidifies the notion that rules are important, and communication is necessary to agree on and maintain them. That BDSM relationships are a “game” does not make them less meaningful or more exhausting over time.

    I do think that there is a distinction, however, between the game we play during scenes and the game we play as part of an overarching relationship. In my comment before, I was referring to the game we play in scenes: the short-term, moment-by-moment dynamic that gets our hearts beating faster. “Funishment” is part of that game; I think that the rest of my argument (which I brilliantly left out entirely) is that punishment (as opposed to funishment) is NOT part of that scene-based, short-term game. Instead, it reaches beyond the bounds of the scene and into our actual relationships in a way that “funishment” does not really do.

  18. Very well said Ferns. I will say this only once because it borders on creepy: The principles you lay out here comprise the formula for good parenting- being objective, being consistent, choice and consequences, atonement and forgiveness. If more parents would simply follow this formula, there would be so many more well-behaved people out there…and you would have a much larger pool of good Boys to choose from.

  19. Étienne: “…I eroticize the concept of punishment. The idea that I've been bad, and must suffer as a result, turns me on.”

    Thank you for coming back and explaining further. Now that you have, and I have had a think about it, it makes sense… the fact that she has the *power* to punish and exercises it is part of it I am sure. I can see how that can easily be eroticised

    I am surprised you can sustain the eroticism beyond concept and through the boring stuff, though.

    “By the way–writing lines is *very* erotic to me.”

    *laugh* Now that you mention it, the first time I made my last write lines, he found himself hot and hard for about the first half hour… after that… yeah… not so much…

    Ferns

  20. Yes–that she has power to punish is very fun!

    I don't always maintain the eroticism during punishment, whether tedious or painful. However, I often eroticize it in anticipation or memory, and if the point of punishment is to change future behavior, those are probably the most important bits. That makes nearly all punishment “funishment” to some extent, for me.

    Thank you, as always, for the insightful dialog. :-)

  21. Yardbird: “Very well said Ferns.”

    Thank you!

    “I will say this only once because it borders on creepy…”

    *smile* Ignoring the creepy aspect, I agree.

    Ferns

  22. “His desire to obey should ideally be 'because it makes my dominant happy' and punishment should be on those rare occasions that he fails.”

    Do you think that it's always *directly* about pleasing the dominant? It's odd, for me. Sometimes I think it'd come more from my own pride, my own ideal of how I should be, as a sub. True, a good sub is someone who wants to please his dominant, by definition. But . . . I guess I'm talking about a motivation that's a little more abstract than that sentence adequately conveys.

    I guess many might still say, 'It ends up at the same thing'. But I think it might feel, and look, quite different.

    Pfft. Who knows? I'll find out when I get there. ;-)

    XXXXXXX

  23. My submissive read this entry and it made him realize what I was trying to do when I consequenced him for breaking my rules ….. thank you

    CK

  24. Anonymous XXXXXXX: “Do you think that it's always *directly* about pleasing the dominant?”

    Yes I do, pretty much. This is couched in D/s speak, but is actually no different from vanilla… “I want my partner to be happy, if I do 'x', she will love that! *warm fuzzies*”. It's not some secret formula.

    “It's odd, for me. Sometimes I think it'd come more from my own pride, my own ideal of how I should be, as a sub.”

    I *want* to say… sure, if it works, it works, and I suspect the behaviour would look much the same if you were on the same wavelength as your partner. Personally, though, this motivation doesn't sit so well with me as a primary one because, hell, why aren't you looking at ways of making me happy instead of looking at ways of feeding your 'good sub' ego? I know that sounds harsh, but what if your version of 'how you should be, as a sub' doesn't make me happy? If your version of 'how you should be, as a sub' equals exactly what she wants, then we are back to pleasing her… no?

    “I guess I'm talking about a motivation that's a little more abstract than that sentence adequately conveys.”

    Yes, fair enough. My point is really that it must be internally motivated rather than externally. That motivation is hardly ever simplistic because people are complex, but while I can help him get there, his underlying motivation has to come from him, not from me.

    Ferns

  25. DefiantCK: “My submissive read this entry and it made him realize what I was trying to do when I consequenced him for breaking my rules ….. thank you”

    Oh! *happy smile* I'm so glad, and you are so welcome!

    Ferns

  26. He probably is mildly uncomfortable that I am sharing this, but he reads this from time to time and has sent me the link on occasion … I think he learns a great deal from you.

    It's good for him to see it from a less personal perspective, someone on the outside saying pretty much the same thing I do.

    *grins*

    CK

  27. ” “Do you think that it's always *directly* about pleasing the dominant?”

    Yes I do, pretty much. This is couched in D/s speak, but is actually no different from vanilla… “I want my partner to be happy, if I do 'x', she will love that! *warm fuzzies*”. It's not some secret formula.”

    Then, I guess I'm talking about the equivalent of the good husband, who has a broader sort of idea of what it means to be that. A 'philosophy' (ouch, I know that sounds poncey) of being a good husband in general, as well as being a good husband to her, in particular. Likewise, a Domme would have some sort of a philosophy about being a good Domme, beyond just how she treats her sub in particular, wouldn't she?

    “It's odd, for me. Sometimes I think it'd come more from my own pride, my own ideal of how I should be, as a sub.”

    “I *want* to say… sure, if it works, it works, and I suspect the behaviour would look much the same if you were on the same wavelength as your partner. Personally, though, this motivation doesn't sit so well with me as a primary one because, hell, why aren't you looking at ways of making me happy instead of looking at ways of feeding your 'good sub' ego? I know that sounds harsh, but what if your version of 'how you should be, as a sub' doesn't make me happy? If your version of 'how you should be, as a sub' equals exactly what she wants, then we are back to pleasing her… no?”

    We never left the point that 'being a good sub is basically about pleasing her'. ;-)

    But I'm saying there is something aside from that. Fine, by me, if one's 'good sub ego' is being fed. I would have thought that such pride being fed would go hand-in-hand with being 'good for you, personally'. Not one or the other, but both.

    Still, I should think that, at times, a sub will draw more on his 'ego at being a good sub' than at other times. One reason might be because, perhaps just occasionally, it may be better to give her what she needs rather than what she wants.

    “My point is really that it must be internally motivated rather than externally.

    No argument with that. It seems to me like the logical corollary of consenting to power exchange.

    BTW, you can add me to the list of those who'd find being given lines a turn-on. Heh. But the idea of it – the implication that you can *do* that – is hornier than the actuality of doing said lines.

    XXXXXXX

  28. Anonymous XXXXXXX: “Then, I guess I'm talking about the equivalent of the good husband, who has a broader sort of idea of what it means to be that…”

    Thank you for clarifying… then yes, having an idea of what it means to be a good partner, lover, submissive, friend etc is lovely. I bristled a little at the idea of someone having a driver of being 'a good sub' in isolation of the relationship and her desires. I understand now that's not what you meant.

    “Likewise, a Domme would have some sort of a philosophy about being a good Domme, beyond just how she treats her sub in particular, wouldn't she?”

    Well, once you look broader it has nothing to do with Domme or sub, does it? It is to do with being a good person and having the qualities that make you so. I guess I don't have a philosophy around being a 'good Domme' – in a relationship, I aim to be a positive and active participant who makes smart decisions… that's true regardless of the type of relationship it is.

    “I would have thought that such pride being fed would go hand-in-hand with being 'good for you, personally'. Not one or the other, but both.”

    *smile* Well, yes, maybe, if the balance is right. I guess I see the tipping point being one where his inner drive to be 'a good sub' overrules what she wants, which can lead to him going '…a good sub would never do that thing you asked for…'. I know you know exactly what I am talking about there, and while you can argue that it would never happen with *you*, as an academic discussion, that's the point where there's a problem.

    “One reason might be because, perhaps just occasionally, it may be better to give her what she needs rather than what she wants.”

    Ha! Ok, yes.

    “BTW, you can add me to the list of those who'd find being given lines a turn-on. Heh. But the idea of it – the implication that you can *do* that – is hornier than the actuality of doing said lines. “

    Agreed… the concept of me having the *right* to punish, that part of punishment that reinforces the dynamic, can be hot. The actual implementation… hmmm… not so much after you start to get writer's cramp and are bored witless.

    Ferns

  29. Just one question, Ferns:

    Surely it must be difficult to administer punishment for one who is as bubbly as you?

    XXXXXXX

  30. Anonymous XXXXXXX: “Surely it must be difficult to administer punishment for one who is as bubbly as you?”

    *mutters*

    Now you must know that the bubble factor decreases in direct proportion to the disappointment factor… I mean, really, that's just basic physics!

    Ferns

  31. Anonymous XXXXXXX: “We didn't look at the Physics for Females syllabus, unfortunately.”

    *sigh* Fine… put on these little shorts, school shirt and tie, sit down in that little chair at the front of the class and pay attention…!

    Ferns

  32. Consequence, reinforcement of dynamic, and penance which allows closure are really great, and impressively thought out and placed, reasons for punishment and to me it sounds like the only really good reasons, but that is me personally.

    I don’t think I could ever do punishment as play because of the reason above you stated with mutual happiness. If I have failed it hurts deeply inside me. If I have failed it means I have disappointed her and myself and to me there is no far worse punishment than disappointment. I am at my happiest when she happy so seeing that look on her face of disappointment or even having that feeling of disappointing her rips me up inside. I would much rather be slapped than to have her disappointed so the very idea of knowing I failed itself *is punishment*.

    “so his sneaky fun at watching me get pleasure from him defeats the purpose.” a way for him to stop beating himself up, to atone and close the door.”

    Yes, it can send too many mixed signals that can lead to problems in the future.

    “As to the sort of punishments I give… truly, they are dull and to be avoided. He left the toilet seat up, so I had him kneel there by the toilet and put the seat up and down 50 times, counting out loud so that I could hear in the other room. He forgot to address me correctly, so he had to write out several pages of repetitious lines stating what my expectation is.”

    Far worse punishment then anything physical yes I would agree. It is tedious and dull, allows him to apologize or atone for what he did, and the act of the punishment itself you chose wisely to reinforce exactly what your expectations are. I have been on the end of not understanding expectations it’s confusing and leads to more problems. For me it is like fumbling in the dark in a strange place.Then it leads to more failure and more disappointment a very hurtful cycle to me.

    I love this post from you. I cannot believe that somehow I missed it when I went back. Now I must go back again ~laughs~

    Respectfully,
    mysticlez

    1. “If I have failed it hurts deeply inside me. If I have failed it means I have disappointed her and myself and to me there is no far worse punishment than disappointment.”

      Yes! Exactly this. If my relationship is working right, then this is exactly how he feels if he gets something wrong. The point of punishment is NOT to heap badness on top of the self flagellation he is already doing. It is actually to allow him to let it go and get us back on an even keel.

      “I cannot believe that somehow I missed it when I went back.”

      I can’t believe you missed it either. There will be a test!! *laugh*

      Ferns

  33. Hi Ferns,

    As I read this I found myself nodding in complete agreement. Thinking through the real differences in my experiences between ‘funishment’ and punishment, I was reminded of a few- what I might term as “interactions” in the middle of the night.

    It was the second or third time I had been invited to spend the night at Madam’s apartment. I was woken from a sound sleep by Madam. Before I had a chance to snap out of a groggy haze, she put her hand to my mouth motioning not to speak and then said, “the toilet seat is up”. Unsure if I was to speak or not, she then said “I want it down……. now.” I jumped up and quickly went into the bathroom and put the seat down. I apologized, to which she said we would speak more about this in the morning.

    The next morning without any fan fair but also in no uncertain terms Madam told me leaving the toilet seat up was disrespectful. I again apologized and agreed it would never happen again.

    Well about six months later….yup, I did it again. Middle of the night, Madam woke me up. “The toilet seat is up. Since I know you would never make that mistake again, I am assuming you were just about to clean the toilet. Do a good job and I will inspect it in the morning. The cleaning stuff is in the hall closet.”

    Needless to say, I have never made that mistake again.

    Thanks

    S

  34. Hi! My name is Eric, and I am looking for a Dominant woman who genuinely enjoys assigning punishment line writing assignments by mail to correct various behaviors. I am not interested in a paid relationship but a more real one in which you, the Domme, will take pleasure in issuing lengthy, tedious tasks to be completed by certain dates, then carefully scrutinizing these afterwards with a perfectionists eye for the slightest errors. If long-distance domination turns you on, this might be your thing! It is very little time for you – a GREAT DEAL of time for me! We can establish this arrangement with a Contract, and I can include elements that will prevent me from reneging on my punishments or attempting to finagle-out of them, something I have tried to do in the past…!

    Contact me if this intrigues you!

    Most submissively,

    Eric

    WriteLines4U@Mail.com

    1. You are obviously an articulate person, so I assume you are smart and relatively aware of how the world of relationships work.

      My genuine question to you is this: What about this arrangement do you think would be satisfying or fun or arousing or even interesting to me (or any woman)?

      The idea of “carefully scrutinizing… [lengthy pieces of writing]… with a perfectionists eye for the slightest errors” does NOT sound like it would take ‘very little time’ (nor does it sound at all interesting or fun).

      So, whether you answer or not, it’s not something I find intriguing. Though to help you out some, you might like some of these.

      Ferns

  35. Thank you for sharing this with us, Ferns.

    I do like that your punishments sustain the D/s dynamic even if they are not intended to bring pleasure to either party.

    I can speak from experience that a trend of mistakes/failures/transgressions is a sign of a deeper problem.

    I also agree with your views on atonement. I always hated to fail in any way and thankfully, I didn’t fail often. When I did, having a way to wipe the slate clean and avoid stewing in my own misery was necessary.

    take care.

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