Q&A – Protocol

Continuing my experiment with Q&A from Fetlife discussions…

1. Is protocol an integral part of your kink, and if so, are your protocols more physical (kneeling, posture,etc) or verbal (use of titles, granting permission to speak)

I have a mixture of both, they are pretty light and they are at my whim.

2. Does protocol to you mean specific ritual actions and phrases that are for play only, or,

No, some are constants.

3.Are protocols a central and constant part of your relationship?

Yes, some are.

I like to have my submissive call me ‘Ma’am’ pretty much all the time, … Continue Reading

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Q&A – Nurturing

Original Question:

What do you say or do with your subs to nurture them, make them feel loved and supported?

My Response:

Kissing, always and more. Lots of physical contact, petting, I like to wrap myself around him, all legs and arms and skin contact. I whisper “Hello, beautiful” or some such to bring him to me, it is a checking in, an acknowledgement, a calling him home. Making him look me in the eye and hold my gaze, soft smiles, sometimes a ‘good boy’. And always, more kissing.

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Fetlife and advice thrown willy nilly into the void

I post a lot on Fetlife discussion forums.

Occasionally I look at comments I have written and think “I should blog about that”, and I promptly forget about it file it away carefully. The ideas disappear into the ether because for it to be ‘a blog post’, I need to remember where the damn comment was, clean it up for ‘proper publication, put it in context, add enough personal bias to make it offensive, and THEN post it. I just never get around to it.

So, I’m going to try a little experiment where I shall just copy and paste … Continue Reading

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Submissives need protection…

Protection from what, you may well ask, and I am glad you did…

Submissives apparently need protection from the Big Bad Dommes (BBDs).

Really.

Why?

Because submissives allegedly can’t say ‘No thank you’ or ‘I’m not interested, strange shouty lady who is ordering me about’ or ‘Are you insane?!’ or ‘Piss off’ or anything of that ilk.

They need their Domme, or some other Domme (one who is *not* a BBD, natch) to filter their interactions, to make smart decisions for them, to jump in with swords at the ready to ‘protect’ them from the BBDs.

I’m not talking about … Continue Reading

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‘Topping from the bottom’ is bollocks!

‘Topping from the bottom’ (TFTB – yes, truly, I am that much of an acronym geek!) is a term used to describe a situation where a submissive attempts to control the play, the dynamic or the relationship from their submissive position.

It’s a common phrase that has been, and continues to be, abused by all and sundry. It has essentially become a term to cover anything and everything that falls under the umbrella of ‘the submissive is doin’ it wrong’. It is even used to describe a submissive’s behaviour when the Domme and sub aren’t even in a relationship yet!Continue Reading

Loves: 14
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Do as I say, not as I do…

I am somehow obsessed with advice for newbies at the moment… I am not sure why… perhaps because I communicate with quite a few of them and I want them to have good experiences, to be successful, to find their bliss (yes, I know, that was too corny to be believed! Deal with it!).

Things I recommend to newbies are not necessarily things that I do myself. Yes, I am a hypocrite…

  • Want to meet BDSMers? Go to a munch.

(I haven’t been to a munch in over 15 years, I am not part of any community, I don’t know Continue Reading

Loves: 4
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More advice for submissive men

If submissive men are all about pleasing the dominant wimmins, how come they aren’t all the most beautiful men they can be? Hmmmm?

How come single submissive men looking for partners don’t all think “I know what will be pleasing to a potential dominant! A fit, strong, hot body! I gotta get me to the gym now now NOW and git me one of those!”

A lot of submissive men ask how they can make themselves more appealing to dominant women and there is often talk of them gaining skills (cooking, cleaning, pedicure, manicure, tea service etc). That’s fine and … Continue Reading

Loves: 6
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