Vanilla flirting is about expressing attraction and playing with it.
Flirting is fun, it’s bouncing potential off each other, even if there is no real intent. It’s about both parties feeling desirable and appreciated.
To me, D/s flirting has exactly the same aim, it’s just a little different in its execution. D/s flirting is about playing around with the dynamic a little bit. Similar to vanilla flirting, we toss things out to each other and see if the other person catches it and runs with it. It’s about exercising a little D/s in a fun, risk-free, gentle way.
For me, it may be cute silliness without intent, or it may be a part of feeling each other out early in a relationship, checking reactions, seeing how we fit. I love either of those.
What does it look like? Well, to me there are about a million ways of doing it from barely there to something more involved, but from my side, it’s often about lightly hinting at a dynamic that we don’t actually have, and seeing if he will pick it up and play with it.
Something really light might look like this:
Me: “I’d really like a copy of this book, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Any ideas?”
This is completely open. He could just say something non-committal, or make some general suggestions. Or he might want to go a little further with me. The ball is in his court.
Him: *he runs off to find information* “Here’s a list of places near you that has them, but if you want to buy them online, this is the cheapest site…”
Taking the idea and bringing me solutions. Of course there may be no flirtatious intent in it, but I’ll totally take it!
Me: *smile* Oh, thank you. Aren’t you a sweet boy?!
D/s tinge with the ‘boy’.
Him: *blush stammer* Oh no, my *pleasure*.
We both feel sweet at the end.
Something a little stronger might be this:
Him: I really should get to the gym!
Me: Well stop whining about it and go, boy!
I’m joking (duh!) and he can laugh it off if he doesn’t want to go there.
Him: *laugh* Yes Ma’am!”
Oooh, see? He’s playing with me. Sweet!
Me: *smile* Good boy.
D’awww, it’s cute, it’s harmless, and it makes us both feel a little warm and fuzzy.
A more advanced kind of flirtation might look like this:
Him: “…[boy working on his fitness talks about going out for dinner]…”
Me: “You should have a salad and some water!”
Him: ” … but … but beer and meat!”
At this point, he could still easily just laugh and move on.
Him: “I should just have the cajun chicken burger then I guess…”
And now he’s inviting me, entertaining my suggestion.
Me: “I’ll be demanding to see the menu next.”
I’m pushing a little, but he can still chuckle and skip past it if he wants.
Him: *shows menu*
Yes!! Oh, fun! I am beaming.
Me: “Valid choices:
House salad with chicken, no garlic bread.
Caesar salad (dressing on the side, only use a little) with chicken, no garlic bread.
Greek salad with chicken.
At this point I have no idea if he will do it or not. He hasn’t said he would, and he is under no obligation to do it, but he had played with me to that point. I am left waiting to see if he will follow through.
Him: …[after dinner, he describes in wonderful detail exactly what was going on in his head as he thought about it, and ordered what I told him to. The telling of it is part of the flirtation]…
This type of flirtation goes above and beyond because he is actually doing something I told him to. I find it close-making, hot, swoonworthy.
Total flirting win! *swoon*
If I initiate this kind of thing and the other person doesn’t pick up cues, doesn’t play with me, doesn’t flirt back, then that’s okay. I will be disappointed, of course, but it’s such a light way of feeling each other out that it’s pretty safe for both sides.
And when it works. Oh my. I adore it. So incredibly sweet.