My sent emails LIII

Hello New-No-Profile-No-Pic-Sub-Guy,

Welcome to Fetlife.

You’re a mature man who presumably has met women before, had relationships, all that jazz.

I know this whole thing with BDSM and all is new to you, but here’s a tip: If you contact women on here, imagine you’re on a vanilla dating site, RSVP, OKcupid, and proceed accordingly.

Think about that for a second. Imagine having no profile information, nothing at all about yourself, no photo, you’re just ‘random internet dude’. Now imagine sending the following email to a woman you like the look of on one of those vanilla dating sites:

> Hi, I’m new to dating and havnt yet added anything in my profile I’m looking for a woman who is wanting a new boyfriend and to teach me how to relationship, a long term/regular partner. I can send you photos, my email [email protected]

You wouldn’t, right? Because it’s bizarre to expect her to be at all interested in any of what you are proposing as ‘internet stranger dude’.

What you WOULD do, at a minimum, is find out something about her from her profile and whatever information is out there about her. Then you’d decide if there are things you like about her, figure out if you might be a good match, then you’d start a conversation designed to pique her interest. You’d be interesting, complimentary, funny, *something* that makes her go ‘ooh, he seems like someone I’d want to talk to’.

I hope that helps.


As a follow-up, I’m happy to say that the recipient of this sent email replied very politely thanked me and said that he took note of what I said. Then he actually filled out his profile, added a photo and etc. So I’m calling that a win :).

Loves: 19
Please wait…

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  1. I’ve got a profile. I put thought and care into writing it.

    By all that’s holy, random internet bro,
    • read it
    • believe it

    I can’t tell you how annoying it is to get a solicitation that begins, “I read your profile, and we’d be a great match.” How did you miss the part about me being partnered, monogamous, and not interested in playing with others? It’s the VERY FIRST sentence of my profile.

    Are you a liar who claims to have read my profile but didn’t? Or do you have such poor reading comprehension skills that you didn’t understand it? Or do you think the first sentence of my profile is some perverse come-on? Which is it?

    1. I’m going with a) “a liar who claims to have read my profile but didn’t” :).

      Sometimes if I get a generic ‘I loved your profile’ email I write back and ask ‘what did you like about it?’ because my fet profile proper is literally one sentence and it’s hard to find a way to justify ‘liking’ it. It can be fun to see them scrabble to spin a reply that makes sense :).


  2. It’s so, so easy to tell when a dude isn’t reading profiles and/or is copypasting the same intro message. (eyeroll) I’m impressed that you made the effort to get through to this guy, and stoked that you got a good result!

    1. It is.

      I rarely make the effort UNLESS they’re local because then I think that at least they actually want to meet someone (vs wanting online wankery), so they might be invested in learning to do better.

      The ones who send emails from ‘fuck knows where’: Nope. Not doing it.


  3. Salam. Works same way for female paid misstresses . I had I was married when we had fet. I got many messages from pro dommes in antracia who wanted to mention their great rates. Damm those kinky peguins and their hordes of dommes. Lol

    1. Heh. I somehow missed this penguin-related comment. That is a great shame for kinky penguins are clearly the only reason anyone ever goes to Antartica :P.


  4. This is a random, low-quality comment. Sorry, I didn’t have different colour paints to spray the message on your walls.

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