I have a finsub now. I guess that makes me a findom.
Typing that feels odd. And I suspect whatever you are imagining about how it works for me is probably not how it works.
Let me go back a step, talk about how this happened.
Firstly, I wasn’t looking for a financial submissive (finsub). I’m not a financial Domme (findom), have never been a findom, no matter how you define it (see here for an explanation of financial domination if you aren’t familiar with the term).
Financial control has never been a part of any relationship I’ve been in.
Submissives who I’m not in a romantic relationship have occasionally bought me gifts, which is delightful. But that’s not findom. It’s friends or acquaintances or readers being sweet and/or showing their appreciation.
I’ve known my finsub for about 2.5 years. He’s a lovely American man, a D/s newbie, tall (you know I love that), fit, professionally successful, smart, interesting. All of those good things. We’ve talked about meeting over the years, but it’s never panned out because of life complications, so I’ve never met him.
I’ve only talked about him here on my blog once I think. He’s my champagne boy, and it was a bit of a sad post prompted by the fact that he was no longer going to be my champagne boy for his own reasons that had nothing to do with me.
I’ve mentioned my champagne boy much more frequently on twitter, in fact, I mentioned him pretty much every time champagne was delivered to my door and I was excited about it. Those champagne tweets date back to April 2018, just to give you an idea how long we have had this arrangement. The sad post was in November last year, and we reconnected earlier this year, and his champagne boy duties resumed.
His role as my champagne boy wasn’t planned, it was more of a segue. This may fracture the image you may have of me as some deviant mastermind who painstakingly plots a course and then executes my grand plan with purpose and precision like a single-minded domlydomdom. No.
The first bottle of champagne he sent me was a ‘thank you’ gift for lending an ear and being a good friend when he was dealing with some personal life changes, then he sent two bottles some time later for reasons I can’t recall. So lovely.
The next time he sent me champagne (for a celebratory reason, I think), to my shock I got a case of Mumm delivered to my door. An utterly delightful surprise!
By this time, we had built a relationship on a foundation of respect and affection. There wasn’t any kind of formally agreed D/s, but we definitely had some informal D/s elements in the way we related to each other. When I have a certain rapport with a submissive man, there just is a bit of that dynamic because that’s how we fit together, because it’s natural, and it’s fun and it works. Throw in my role as a kind of D/s educator to his eager-to-learn and full-of-questions newbie, and that power disparity was emphasised to some degree.
I asked him (for the purposes of this blog post) how we went from that point of him gifting me a case of Mumm to my setting the expectation that it was his role to supply me with champagne.
Somewhere in there, you said, “I’m out. My champagne boy should get on that.”
And, I did
*laugh* That sounds about right :).
When I said that, it was a light ribbing, flirtatious fun. I did not really expect him to do it. I certainly had no right to expect it.
But when he did, it turns out there was something of value in that for both of us. A thrill, a frisson.
My setting the expectation for him to deliver something had him jumping at the opportunity to meet that expectation, and that little exchange worked in a way that wasn’t just about the champagne. He felt it as the chance to be obedient, to have the privilege of service, to do what was asked of him, to exercise his submission. And of course from my side, it was a lovely hit of domly energy for me to be able to airily say the words out loud and have a case of champagne delivered to my doorstep.
And so, he became (and still is) my champagne boy.
Our findom arrangement didn’t directly evolve out of that, but I think that that part of our relationship gave him a little taste of that kind of service, and he enjoyed that feeling of obedience in fulfilling my requests. His first small taste of any kind of submission. For me there was a double hit of both being able to tell him what I wanted (and trust him to do it) and, well, champagne!
So how did we get from there to findom?