Handy guide to interpreting BDSM personal ads

Here’s a handy guide to figuring out what people are saying in their kinky personal ads.

“looking for a true dom/sub”: I’m new here.

“I want complete control”: I haven’t thought about this one little bit.

“no limits”: I also haven’t thought about this one little bit.

“I’ll do anything”: As long as it’s hot like what I’ve seen in porn.

“discreet”: Having an affair.

“discrete”: Having an affair, but not very good with English.

“looking for a dominate/I am a dominate”: Aw, bless.

“I’m just an average person”: I’m boring.

“I’m not your average person”: I’m very boring.

“looking for [long and detailed description of how their partner must look]”: A sex doll. I’m looking for a sex doll.

“I won’t bite… hard”: I haven’t had an original thought since 2011.

“…Sydney University”: I lack critical thinking skills.

“ask me anything”: You’ll be doing all the work in this relationships, so may as well start now.

“tribute/spoil/gifts”: Give me money.

“description of fetishes and scenes in great detail”: Why yes, yes I AM wanking right now.

What else? Let’s hear them :).

Loves: 15
Please wait...

You may also like

15 Comments

  1. I think one of the best personal ads I ever read (and I have hinestly read very very few) was generally humorous and thoughtful and he talked about geeky, sporty, silly things when describing himself, in a way that played with words and made me laugh. He just seemed so HUMAN, which is rarer than it should be these days. But the clincher was, when it came to “describe what you’re looking for,” his answer was:

    Please have a soul. Everything else is negotiable.

    That was beautiful to me. <3

    1. Thank you :)!

      And thank you for letting me know about the comments not working on that post. I have no idea what happened: I was kind of sad that no-one was talking to me on that post *sad face*.

      Ferns

  2. Answers I don’t know the questions to…from the community at large personals:

    Male/Ambiguous: Wants a woman to look at their penis, wants a man to look at their penis, and the most confusing; doesn’t care so long as someone looks at it

    Female/Ambiguous: The importance of being Ernest like the name of whoever hurt you. This is so easy anyone can do this activity like a professional making it sound easy by pretending not to be. Questionnaires so extensive as to suggest a harlequin character

    Racists: It’s a thing within the kink classified posting system, it really is.

  3. In my experience, “no boundaries/do anything” persons also have pretty much no imagination whatsoever. I don’t like utterly uncreative people.

    1. This is true.

      I know people who throw out ‘cutting off limbs’ as an example to test that theory, but I mostly just ask for their credit card details because that’s actually a thing they could do. Plus it’s hilarious :D.

      Ferns

    1. Sometime way back in the dark ages, someone decided that Sydney University was up to no good and stealing all of fetlife people’s information for some nefarious ‘study’. This prompted some *other* someone to put a warning up on their profile TO Sydney University threatening them with legal action if they do that. Then it spread like a virus amongst all the sheeples.

      I wrote about it here YEARS ago and it’s still a thing now :).

      Ferns

  4. “ask me anything”: You’ll be doing all the work in this relationships, so may as well start now.

    Made me spit my drink! Love this.

    I make the person detail exactly what they want to have done to them in orgasm control, and then I say, how fun for you. Do women volunteer often to take care of that?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.