It’s great to be concerned about people, to care, to worry if you think they are doing something that’s bad for them. Of course.
But in the D/s domain, I see a lot of concern-trolling from dominants towards submissives who they don’t even know, and the underlying thought process is a patronising level of ‘poor little ones don’t know what they’re doing, they’re only subs after all, I shall gift them with my superior knowledge’, and it grinds my gears.
There’s ‘being concerned’ and there’s ‘infantilization’, and for me the line is in assessing situations for what they are vs using roles to make some determining assessment.
The former is ‘I see a legit risk in this situation and I’m not sure you’ve clocked it’.
The latter is ‘You’re only a little subbie and you can’t possibly be smart/savvy/mature enough to make your own decisions’.
It’s condescending and it’s insulting.
Even new dominants with little or no experience happily pipe up all over the place, concern-trolling at submissives as if by virtue of identifying as dominant, they suddenly Know Things.
Rather than assessing what’s actually going on, some seem to think that submissives are less capable of handling themselves than dominants, Clearly self-ascribed labels make all the difference, and self-identification as a dominant magically makes one smarter and more savvy, and enables one to see situations for what they really are while poor little subbies clearly can’t. Bless their little subbie hearts.
Dominants who do that are no longer seeing submissives as fully functional mature adults with agency, they’re seeing ‘little submissives’ and ascribing to them a whole bunch of qualities that diminish them and that’s not okay.
And yes, D/s can colour some situations, sure, but the majority of people aren’t so blinded by it that they are rendered incapable of making their own decisions.
If a dominant has a legit concern about someone’s well-being (regardless of D/s designation), absolutely they should pipe up, talk to them about it, say all the things. If a submissive/vanilla/anyone has a legit concern they should do the same.
But if you see some dominants behaving like they are the Keepers Of Special Knowledge that makes them more qualified to make decisions than a submissive ‘because dominant’, feel free to tell them to fuck all the way off.
Because that’s some infantilizing bullshit.
Caveat: Of course I’m talking about ‘random people not in a dynamic’ here. If they’re your partner/friend/playmate and it’s with consent, agreed to, and etc, you infantilize the hell out of them if that’s what you’re into. Enjoy!