Dating & socialising #dommelife

I have had a very uncharacteristic surge of social energy in the last month or so.

So much so that I invited kinky strangers to my house (what?!) prior to going to a BDSM party next month (double what?!!).

Both of those things are so much out of character that it seems somewhat bizarre, even to me.


One of the catalysts for this sudden outreach is that my best friend (my vanilla ex, who is the loveliest of lovelies) is in a bit of trouble with his relationship, and it has come to my doorstep in the form of jealousy from his partner towards me.

I’m not going to go into details, but the upshot is that my (very limited) social life has suddenly become a fraught and difficult thing. I don’t need or want much socialising time (serious introvert here, in case you weren’t aware), but since I’m single, for the most part when I do feel like company, he’s ‘it’. When that suddenly became tenuous, I realised how isolated I can easily become.

The folks I invited over are linked to me via a submissive with whom I had a brief email exchange some 10 years ago, and who contacted me again a little while ago. He is now married to his dominant partner, the love of his life (collective ‘awww’ <3 :)). I was looking at this event and, as they are regular event-goers, I asked him what he thought. One thing led to another, so now four lovely kinksters are coming to mine for a glass of champagne before we head to this BDSM party together.

So yeah, that’s happening towards the end of February.

I noticed that the cougarling RSVPed on Fetlife to that same event in February (in case you aren’t aware, the ‘Events’ system there shows you ‘friends who are attending’ when you look at the event details). He lives a flight away, so I figured he was courting someone else up here and not just planning to attend on a whim. Because that would be weird.

I dropped him a note to have a chat about it because if he was going, we would probably see each other there, and I preferred to have that acknowledgement up-front. A polite nod, if you will.

He is indeed talking with someone and coming up to spend some time with them to see if they ‘click’. I wished him luck, and genuinely look forward to seeing him.

It’s all blessedly grown up and civilised, for which I’m grateful.

Still on the socialising theme, I’ve been back on Collarspace (yes it’s still up and running, barely, and still with a bunch of ‘this site is going to disappear any second’ issues) where I prefer to be the initiator, and not the recipient of emails. I am clear about this in my profile (which I am too scared to edit, even if I change my mind, because those things end up in purgatory).

I sent a couple of cold emails to local submissive men with appealing profiles (one hadn’t logged on for ages and didn’t reply, one told me he was already attached), and replied to a couple of decent emails but quickly lost interest in those exchanges after an email or two. Not because there was anything wrong with the subs who contacted me, but they weren’t local and it felt like such hard work (that is, they didn’t fire me up). I was exhausted by the prospect of having to work so hard at early correspondence on the infinitesimal chance that we could get to a ‘flight-worthy’ level of mutual interest.

Then about a week ago, a local-ish submissive man almost half my age sent me the most articulate and thoughtful message I’ve received in a LONG time on Fetlife. These younger ones sometimes blow my mind with their seemingly effortless understanding of how to communicate.

We’ve been emailing for a week, have exchanged photos (he’s super cute), and will meet on Tuesday for a chat to see how it feels. I try not to be ageist, but of course the age difference exists and is a thing. It’s a long shot for a lot of reasons, but he’s a sweetheart, so definitely worth a meeting, even for an introvert who hates that shit :).

I’m toying with trying to write every day in February. At the moment the major block for writing here is two-fold:
1. I feel like I’ve already said everything over the years I’ve been writing here and
2. There’s nothing new going on with me that feels blog-worthy

So maybe I’ll just throw random thoughts out there with nary a second of consideration for repetition or ‘blog-worthiness’. So get ready for an influx of scattered musings.

Loves: 19
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  1. Hope things work out Ferns. On the plus side there is alot to look forward to with with events. Isolation can be difficult to manage as we see the benifit of scoalising but also recognise that it is tiring and draining. I know I don’t need to say this or want for it to be patronising but don’t forget to take care of yourself.

    I look forward to reading more scattered musings. :)

    1. Thanks.

      It’s funny, I sometimes get tiny momentary glimpses of what it must be like when social activity is something energising and awesome instead of tiring or draining, and it is so nice.

      I would like it if I was more in-the-middle of the introvert-extrovert spectrum, but it is what it is.


  2. Even your random thoughts are always interesting and funny. We love them. I empathize with the idea of…upholding a certain standard, but your less polished work still exceeds much, most, really, of what’s out here! Please write.

  3. As a 66 year old sensual domme, I tease that the men my age are too cranky and pinched by life to be fun anymore. I love the youngers for their enthusiasm and other physical skills.

    More than that, I like the energy of life in them. It is exhausting to go through the intro stage, as I am a virtual Mistress it gets easier and easier to screen and feel the new subbys out.

    Your words inspire me but even more important my subbys who are doing their best to find their way in the world.

    Good luck to you!
    Mistress Snow

    1. I hear you that some older men (and women, I guess) tend towards the bitter after life’s disappointments: I find that also.

      But I do want a long term relationship, so in that, age and stage-of-life is a practical matter. If I just wanted playthings, well, that would be a different story :).

      Thank you for the good wishes, and I’m glad you and your subs get something out of my writings :)). Best to you also.


  4. I am one of Mistress Snow’s aforementioned subbys and through her I found your blog months back, and I more than adore it… Your blog is full of brilliant practical insights about the D/S dynamic all delivered in an eloquent yet easy to understand and deliciously irreverent writing style.
    Some of your articles have helped me during training with Mistress Snow, which takes place through the playing of her Turn On Game (I LOVE it!!!!!) Mistress Snow is sweet, warm and compassionate but doesn’t hesitate to become one hell of a ball-buster whe she feels the need arise. Through training, I’ve become so much more open to who I am… Mistress is a fabulous teacher

    1. Thanks so much for your lovely comment, and I’m delighted to hear that you and your Mistress have found what clearly works for you both. Long may your happiness continue :).


  5. Girl, you are outta control, as the young people say. I hope it all goes well Ferns. Feb should be fun a whole month of shit Ferns says, sounds marvelous.

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