I overthink everything. It can get very boring, even to me.
The other day I met a vanilla man who somehow appealed to me. He bought the place next to my dad’s house (over an hour away from me): We had a chat when I visited and I asked for a tour of his as-yet-incomplete house. We had an easy rapport, he was somehow very open with me (he’s recently divorced, talked about his work, was showing off a bit about an article in the newspaper about him). The interaction was nothing special but he’s still on my mind.
A salt-of-the-earth type, a tradie (tradesman) who’s moved on from that work somewhat. I guess he’s a bit younger than me, seems quite conventional, but with an earring, which is not to my taste, frankly, but that belies a conservative bent.
Apparently after meeting me he joked with my dad that he couldn’t believe that such a ‘young and beautiful’ woman was his daughter (and yes, my dad rang me JUST to tell me that because he thought it was tell-worthy *laugh*. So cute).
I have his number, not because he gave it to me (he didn’t), but because he gave his contact details to my dad: He’ll be working on the house and wanted to be sure my dad could raise any issues about noise or disruption (so apart from that meaning I have his number, it also means that he seems like a good man).
All of my twitter peeps: OMG SO JUST ASK HIM OUT FERNS, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!
Right?! I HEAR YOU, OMG SHADDUP!
I’m thinking about it: Probably a text inviting him to come down here for a drink with the lesser obligation and millenialist mindset that that approach implies.
I haven’t pulled the trigger because I’m trying to let go of that vague feeling of ‘ugh, it’s pointless and you’re going to have to deal with the fallout so why bother’ that crowds my brain with too many thoughts.
I hate socialising (serious introvert here), I hate meeting people (see previous), I hate dating (see previous and previous-previous), so I only do it when I can clearly see the potential return for that investment (so mercenary!).
I’d have to cycle up a load of social energy just to see this guy, and I really only do that when I think there’s a very good chance something is going to come of it. Which is why I spend so much time vetting submissive men online before I agree to meet the very few I DO meet (well, except for that one little abortive attempt I had where I decided to meet ‘anyone who was vaguely passable as human’ and it… did not glean positive results. It was indeed a waste of energy and time, plus I had to have those awkward ‘no thanks’ chats with the experimentees. So yeah).
And yes, he could coincidentally be the subbiest sub who ever subbed, but that’s hugely unlikely. And no, I do not believe that I can ‘convert a vanilla man’ or that latent submissive men of the kind I like are somehow secretly roaming lost the vanilla world.
I can get to a certain level with a vanilla man and my experience has been that it can be wonderful with the right vanilla submissive, but it’s difficult to avoid eventually getting to a place of resentment for both of us in the longer term. So I’m trying to decide if it’s unfair to even try and go there when the attempt is not a fun experience for me (if it WAS fun to ‘just give it a go’, it would be different, but it’s really really not).
I’m also trying to imagine any conversations about what I spend my time doing and once you cut out all the F/m stuff, it’s actually pretty thin:
- I write an award-winning blog that’s been in the top 100 for years
- I create a Q&A type advice podcast
- I’m a published author
- I’ve written a successful erotica book
- I’ve published three other non-fiction guides
- I edited a book that I got into the best seller’s list on Amazon
- I’m trying my hand at a fiction novel now
- I run the biggest discussion group in the world in my niche
- I discuss all of that and more with my people on social media
- Eh, not much.
And yet, it would be SO nice to just go on a fucking date with someone I’ve already met and with whom I clearly felt some kind of little spark. You know, like people used to do ‘in the old days’: Have some drinks, flirt, banter, make eyes over the table, hold hands, do some kissing, all of that.
So yeah, overthinking like an overthinky Domme.
And this, Dave, is why I’m single*…
*this is my new catchphrase inspired by this post *laugh*