Sweet Sunshine

He picks me up from the airport, then there’s a train trip, then a drive.

When we get to his house, he shows me to my bedroom.

It’s the master.

He will take a smaller bedroom while I am here.

“I want you to be comfortable.” he says as he puts my bag down.

The room is pristine, as is the ensuite.

I thank him.

We are in the kitchen.

He is making a favourite childhood snack of mine: Rempeyek.

I had asked my dad to make it for me for Christmas.

“No,” he’d said, “Too hard.”

I’d whined to sunshine about it and he quietly went off and found recipes.

We shopped for the ingredients together.

He made it under my direction, I knew what it should look and taste like, both of us in the kitchen, an easy rapport.

“No it should be thinner.”
“That’s a LOT of peanuts!”
“I know, it’ll be fine.”
“Like this?”
“No no, you have to put it down the side. More salt.”

It wasn’t like my childhood, but it was close. And it was sweeter.

We are in the living room.

There is champagne.

We dance, Ceroc. He’s been taking lessons, I’ve never done it. He is skeptical that I can follow, an arched eyebrow, a tilt of his head.

“You hold my hands like this.” He shows me.
“Okay.”
“Just a one-two step.” He eyes me up again. “You have to follow,” he says it again, for emphasis.

I make a silly face at him.

I follow. He is surprised. He is a good lead.

We move well together.

We laugh when I fail at something only marginally tricky.

We are at the supermarket.

I smile at him as we enter.

“Look how domestic!”
He laughs, “Yeah, I know.”

We pick things off shelves, utterly ordinary.

I mention a dessert we’d talked about.

His eyes light up. “We must have that!!” He is fairly bouncing on his toes.

I scowl at him. We are supposed to be eating well while I am here.

“Pleaaaassee?”

He makes me laugh, I relent.

A soft touch.

We are heading out into the hot sun.

“I have water. And some snacks.”
“OMG you’re such a DAD!”
He laughs. “I know. But SNACKS!”
“Yeah, fair call.”

We are walking along a clifftop track, views over the sea.

It’s hot, he reaches for my hand.

He wants to entwine fingers, I am slightly irritated, sweaty.

“No, it’s too hot.” I pull my hand back.

A small flinch.

I hold him by one of his fingers.

His look of rejection clears, he is okay with this.

We climb the path to a lookout.

We are going to a sex shop. His first ever.

A drive, a waterside walk, a ferry across the stunning harbour, a long stroll in the city. It’s a beautiful day.

We detour into a photographic exhibition at the public library. It was on the way you see.

Correction. We visit six sex shops. So his first ever, then his second, third, fourth, fifth and sixth *laugh*.

Some of them are literally just shopfronts for whatever sex is going on in the back rooms, like the old days of seedy hookups and peep shows. Did you know they are still a thing? They are, here.

By the fifth or sixth he is blasé, relaxed.

We stop at the end for a glass of champagne and a burger before we make the trek home.

A full day’s outing.

We are playing, lightly.

He is a newbie and I am cautious with him.

He is an emotional sort and he wants to run headlong into that wall, my wall. All the walls. They are made of brick and stone. Not smooth ones either. Jagged ones with pointy edges.

I hold him back, carnage at the foot of my castle is not something I want. We have talked about all the things, but feelings will have their way regardleless.

His openness hurts my heart a little. He is emotionally brave. My favourite.

We are back in our respective homes.

I message him. “Good morning sunshine :)”.

“Good morning, Ma’am :))”

He is often happy, cheerful, or he makes it up just for me.

We stay in contact during the day. Sharing those small things that make up a life.

He misses me he says sometimes. I am very missable you know.

Sometimes I miss him also, I feel his absence in small ways. Those are the ways that count.

We are talking, he has been away, camping.

We talk some more, and again, about the show stoppers. He wants to find a way around them. Bar time travel, forward or backwards, there isn’t one.

He asks me later if it’s okay if he reactivates his dating profiles. There is a resignation in it.

“Yes, of course. You should.”

He does.

Then he undoes it shortly afterwards.

He doesn’t have the appetite for it right now. He doesn’t think other women like me exist. They do though. Not exactly like me, of course not, that would be odd. But fabulous dominant women are out there. Different and amazing in ways I am not. As big as my ego is, I know that’s true. Of course.

Still, I understand. I don’t have the taste for it either really.

What we are sharing is sweet and valuable and worthwhile.

“I’d be delighted to see you again.” It sounds so formal when I put it down like that. It’s not though.

He will arrange a time, and flights, perhaps, when his schedule allows it. So we will see.

It is what it is, and even without a ‘happy ever after’, there is plenty of joy to be found in it.

Loves: 29
Please wait...

You may also like

23 Comments

  1. This is beautiful:

    “He is an emotional sort and he wants to run headlong into that wall, my wall. All the walls. They are made of brick and stone. Not smooth ones either. Jagged ones with pointy edges.”

  2. Wow, just wow. Is it wrong that I swooned from him giving you the Master bedroom and making rempeyek under your direction? *faints*

    What you two have seem so perfect. I really hope there is a happily ever after for you two (I’m a sucker for a good romantic movie…and I kind of feel like I am watching one reading your journey.). Please don’t mess this up, Sunshine!

    Even if there isn’t a happily ever after, I really hope both you and Sunshine find your happiness. You both deserve it! It’s safe to say that Sunshine has won me over. Even with my crush on you, I’m still cheering for him like crazy.

    1. ” Is it wrong that I swooned from him giving you the Master bedroom and making rempeyek under your direction? *faints*”

      *smile* No it’s not wrong at all. It is totally swoonworthy!

      His entire aim for my visit was to make sure I was happy and comfortable and cared for, and he did a stellar job. It was just lovely.

      “What you two have seem so perfect. I really hope there is a happily ever after for you two (I’m a sucker for a good romantic movie…and I kind of feel like I am watching one reading your journey.). Please don’t mess this up, Sunshine!”

      *smile* I’m a sucker for a good romantic movie also, and he won’t mess anything up.

      I mentioned in a previous post that he has school age children: THAT’S the deal breaker for me. 10+ years of living a life that revolves around his kids and kids school and sports clubs and extracurricular activities and school holidays and other people’s kids and other parents and babysitters and schedule changes and being the last priority through all of that is a deal breaker for me.

      He is a great dad (another of his lovely qualities), and he and his kids deserve a partner who will embrace all of that stuff with gusto.

      Ferns

    1. It IS lovely and sweet and I’m happy to make you smile :).

      I may get hurt but I am more concerned about him getting hurt: He has that kind of open-hearted dreamy-eyed wishful thinking that I really enjoy, but that can sweep him away, whereas I am more of a harsh realist. I just hope he will think it’s worth it (he will :)).

      Ferns

  3. My partner is a dad like that. He went out of his way after his divorce to care for his children. And he cared for then without regard to how it affected his own needs and wants. I respect and admire and love him for that.

    But I met him when we were both 60, and his children were both independent adults.

    I wish you well, so hard!

    1. Ahh, yes. Good parenting means a whole swathe of wonderful qualities are in play, but yeah.

      I actually have ‘no dependents’ in my dating profiles: I already know what I’m like. And I’ve consistently said ‘no thanks’ up-front to men with kids, but he sold me on the possibilities, so I met him despite my better judgement. I’m not sorry at all, but it is what it is.

      Thank you for the good wishes.

      Ferns

  4. There is a certain sadness evoked when reading this – he seemed to be trying so hard to please you Mistress – if I missed it, ‘he’ does know of the deal breaker, yes? If he does and still treats you so well, then it is just sad to me.

    1. He is absolutely trying hard, and succeeding.

      And yes, of course he knows (apart from all the talking, he reads my blog (hello, sunshine :)).

      “If he does and still treats you so well, then it is just sad to me.”

      This strikes me as such an odd statement. If he does (and he does), he should somehow then not treat me so well anymore? That makes no sense.

      We are mature, ethical adults who are honest with each other: We talk about what is going on and we each make decisions based on all of the information and go forward on that basis.

      I don’t disagree that there is a sadness in the situation, but what we are doing together is finding goodness in it. And that’s not sad at all.

      Ferns

  5. You are not all the same? But… I thought the Domme Hive Mind was established on a factory line of carbon-copy women. My whole world view is shattered!

    It was another nice read. It was bittersweet knowing that the relationship is not going to be long term (or forever!), but it was still nice to read vignettes like this.

  6. I said “Nope. Won’t last. Not forever. It is what it is and that’s temporary and so did he. The deal breakers haven’t changed and it’s still temporary. Just like it has been for the last however many years. *Nods”

  7. I haven’t visited this blog in a long time, but decided to read it again today out of impulse. I’m glad you’re still writing such beautiful, intimate stories, and I’m thankful you chose to share them with us.

    Also this might be very out of topic but my Javanese self didn’t know rempeyek has gone international!

    1. Welcome back, and thank you for your kind words :).

      My parents grew up in Indonesia, and rempeyek was always a birthday treat for me, so it’s absolutely made it to this corner of Australia :). Also, yum! :))

      Ferns

  8. I really enjoyed this piece, – thanks so much for articulating fantasy v. reality in such a sweet, engaging way. A pleasure to read!

  9. I’ve read this a few times. It breaks my heart a little every single time I read it. Such lovely thing you two have. I wish for you both there were no show stoppers. I’ll keep my dreamy thoughts that maybe one day, there won’t be any. xo

  10. Such a pleasure to read this deeply personal vignette. Like poetry it paints a poignant picture of this brief moment in time, an intimate glimpse into the love flowing between you, touching my heart.

    Thank you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.