Weekend date

I was right about him.

I was right to contact him in the first place. I was right to listen when he addressed my concerns about his situation. I was right to invite him to visit.

He is completely lovely.

I picked him up from the airport Friday night, his face lit up when he recognised me from my photos which is always a lovely thing (it is such a difficult thing for me, trying to identify people from photos, and I am always scanning every face as they come off the plane: Anxiously going ‘is that him? is that him?’ as if I have some affliction in face recognition). He is slightly shorter than me, has a sunshine smile, said he was nervous which is always adorable.

Greetings, a hug, a chaste hello kiss. I took him to my place. I got snacks together, he opened champagne.

And we talked. Wide ranging subjects. It was fun, engaging. We are well aligned in so many ways and conversation flowed well and naturally segued from one topic to another.

At some point I leaned in to kiss him, sitting together there on the couch: hot and exploratory. He responded beautifully, almost shyly. He referred later to both ‘dominant’ and ‘sweet’ kisses. I know what he meant: I bite and push and growl and hold his face and shove his head around, and then do soft kitten kisses to see what he tastes like after I have assaulted him with my mouth. It blew his mind he said.

Time flew: Always a good sign. We guessed the time, perhaps midnight, 1am? No. It was already 3am. We were both surprised at the late hour. I sent him back to his hotel.

On Saturday he came over in the morning and learnt how to use Carl to make my coffee the way I like it, he also made me scrambled eggs, washed up. We ate on the deck, glimpses of the ocean. Me sluggish and cranky, him shiny and full of bounce.

Later we went for a bike ride, a swim in the surf. He gave my shoulders a massage when my neck was sore, rubbed moisturiser on my feet and legs with gentle care. Truth be told, I know he was really just looking for reasons to touch me, to get closer. That was good with me.

I asked him if he’d like to try some rope which we’d talked about previously. He did.

I have no skills, so it was slow and gentle as I followed online tutorials. He felt the erotic charge when I worked the rope from the front of his body, he reached for kisses that I mostly didn’t give him. I put him on his knees, had him lever all his weight back against the rope, trusting me to stop him from toppling backwards, using the rope at the front to pull him towards me and gently punching him in the chest to push him back. His face sweetly exasperated when I reached for and then pulled back from kisses, both of us laughing.

I showed him my suitcase of toys, my hanging garden of impact implements. He is a newbie and has had a relatively vanilla sex life: He was both curious and wide eyed. I let him feel some of the impact toys on his hand, just to see. Fun.

Somewhere in there we watched a movie. He sat naturally on the floor by the couch at my feet, it was not a performance, I didn’t ask for it, it just felt right.

Then a late dinner out at a local restaurant I’d not been to before, holding hands across the table. The food was delicious, more talking.

He stayed at mine the second night, again the time flew, we crashed around 1am, him in the other bedroom. No sex, no intense play, each of us just gently poking around to see how we fit.

Over our time together, I caught him looking at me like I was some strange exotic creature, as if he’d never seen a woman before, a kind of wonder, which was both amusing and flattering.

He was beautifully attentive all weekend. Not acting all subly subsub: I mean actively interested and engaged in doing what I wanted.

There is this thing that some men have where their submission is an expression of themselves in a context where they feel ‘seen’. I can’t quite articulate how it feels different from other flavours of submission except to say that there is no kink in it, no performance, it is part of how they relate.

It seems as if it should be common with submissive men, but it’s not. I see it in the men who genuinely want to learn what I like because it makes me happy, and that in turn makes them happy. Not ‘because submissive’, just ‘because’. It’s what my ‘vanilla submissive‘ partners looked and felt like. I know it when I see it. He has it.

I saw him off around lunch time on Sunday. Hugs and kisses at the airport.

From my side, he is exactly the kind of submissive who fits with me wrapped up in the package of a sweetheart of a man. Despite his lack of experience (or, perhaps because of it) his sincere desire to please is not linked to him getting off, there is no performance in it, no underlying transactional thinking. He was made happy by doing things for me, he paid attention, he wanted to do things right, he wanted to be pleasing. He was. On the vanilla side, he is super sweet, curious, communicative, open-hearted, emotionally brave. All the lovely things.

So where to now?

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35 Comments

  1. No performance, just how he relates ~

    *nodnodnod*

    YES to this. I understand exactly what you mean, and the “sweet and lovely” factor with those types of men has always been spectacular, in my experience.

    It sounds like a wonderful first meet.

  2. This sounds like a lovely weekend! I’m very pleased it went well. I too know the type of man you mean, I think – although I’m not in a D/s situation I’ve come across men who genuinely want to please me. In my case it sets me off balance.
    What’s next for the two of you? Have you been in touch since he’s left?

    1. It was a lovely weekend, yes :).

      I can imagine it can set vanilla women off balance: There is a commonly stated idea in F/m that ‘all women would love that because who wouldn’t love a man who just wants to make you happy?!’ But if that were true, submissive men could be great matches for vanilla women and they would both be delighted, but that’s not how it works. People are complicated.

      We have been in constant touch, yes. I’m writing another post soon.

      Ferns

  3. Lovely. Absolutely lovely. Can’t wait to hear the next chapter.

    I completely understood what you meant. Even though TN and I don’t have any real D/s dynamic, in many ways he is very submissive. He lives to make me happy; he just doesn’t understand that doing the dishes and mopping the floor makes me happy in the same way other things do. LOL And yes, when we were first together and vanilla, his doting felt very overwhelming and/or stifling at times. I chalked it up to having been so independent, but now that I think about it, it was more than that. Interesting thing to ponder.

    1. Thank you :).

      I think there are a lot of amazing vanilla men who find pleasure in making their partner happy, I think the *way* that they do that is what makes the difference in ‘match or not’.

      I think it’s amusing when you see people who are *both* like that navigating their relationship. ‘What would you like for dinner?’, ‘well what would YOU like?’, ‘whatever you want’, ‘I really don’t mind, what do you fee like?’ ad infinitum :).

      Ferns

  4. Traditionally, mainstream society has had a vanilla version of M/f. So….perhaps vanilla women don’t understand a man who would fit into an F/m relationship?

    BTW, I’m glad that things are going well with your new relationship, Ferns. :)

  5. Dear Ms Ferns,

    I read this update to your popular blog “Domme Chronicles” and found it informative, engaging, and pleasing.

    In an age where cynicism and the deceit of presentation are valued above all else, reading about the honest chance taking of long-distance shenanigans is just the tonic to go with my Gin! And tonic. And ice.

    …. I drink too much.

    Yours,

    Person who was pleased to read this post

  6. This is wonderful Ferns, I got a buzz reading this. I can imagine he was probably delighted when he saw that you were a bit taller then him.

    The bit about ‘their submission is an expression of themselves in a context where they feel ‘seen” is very interesting. Whilst it’s a bit abstract and there’s a chance I might be getting the wrong end of the stick with it, it sounds like you’re describing this essence that I always feel which doesn’t end when the whips are put away. It’s the mental, emotional, intellectual ‘base’ as it were. Not just sexual, or rather, sexual in a way that blends with the other areas until it’s not just sexual in that obvious, genital way that society generally thinks of when one says ‘sexual’. Anyway, if it makes for a better partner then good.

    Just one thing I’m curious about… Does he know you’re the Domme Chronicles blogger? Will he read this knowing it’s about him and his new friend, or read it thinking ‘that sounds just like me and my new friend’? Or might the blog be unknown to him?

    Anyway it’s all very beautiful and thanks for sharing it.

    1. Heh: He knew I was taller before we met. And I’m not sure he was ‘delighted’ by it exactly.

      “it sounds like you’re describing this essence that I always feel which doesn’t end when the whips are put away. It’s the mental, emotional, intellectual ‘base’ as it were”

      I think some men have a desire to please that’s just ‘how they are’, it’s how they show affection, how they express love. It’s rare, actually. Not least, I think, because (per a couple of comments above) it can make women uncomfortable: It’s not really how we are socialised.

      “Just one thing I’m curious about… Does he know you’re the Domme Chronicles blogger?”

      He does. I didn’t tell him, but I’m not hard to find if someone is curious. He is, as a rule, not allowed to read my blog or my books, but if he really wants to read something, he will ask me. So yes, he’s read this :).

      Ferns

  7. Hey, that’s completely awesome. You’re in your own happy femdom story.
    I’m admitting to some jealousy but that’s only to be expected. Your instincts are obviously very good.

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