I’m tired of expecting people to do the right thing.
Even more, I’m tired of feeling like I can’t expect them to do the right thing.
It’s utterly exhausting and depressing to expect the worst of people.
I don’t want to. Truly I don’t. And I try really hard to keep it at bay, to hang onto that smiling wide-eyed optimism that I used to have in droves.
I think it makes me an uglier person when I let it in, that bone-wearying cynicism. It makes me feel like a lesser person, a weaker person. Walking around in the world being suspicious of people, of their words, of their intent, of their motives. It makes me feel like a small scaly creature that scuttles from shadow to shadow hissing at anything that comes close.
I don’t feel like that’s me. Not really.
But you know what, sometimes that’s exactly me.
I want to believe the best of people. Always.
But those times when I do that, and I’m let down over and again make me feel like I am foolish for trying. That sharp voice niggles in the back of my mind, chuckling quietly, going ‘I told you so’. And above all I feel foolish for having believed.
And I’m not going to talk politics because that’s not what I do here, but it feels like I am watching the world burn while I am mired in my petty issues.
It’s exhausting and I’m so tired.
Maybe we should just burn it all to the ground and start again.