I think sometimes that I am not built for emotions.
I either feel nothing, or I feel too much.
Mostly it’s nothing. That’s the truth.
I have joked before that I’m ‘dead inside’. I don’t know why I would make that joke. It’s not even remotely funny.
But then I can also be overwhelmed by emotional input. And honestly, it’s mostly people throwing their emotions at me: Fear, desire, heartache, insecurity, loathing, lust, anger, hurt, confusion… and usually it’s fine. I appreciate that they trust me enough to share those things with me. It’s a privilege and I honour that. I am strong, I can take it, and sometimes I can help. I want to help.
But when it gets to be too much it can suck the life right out of me.
So then I am empty inside AND overwhelmed, both at the same time.
Emotionally wrung out without any emotions of my own.
So today, I’m in that space. Exhausted and empty.
It will pass, of course. I know this, and I know that writing about it gives it more weight than it deserves.
But still: Send champagne, I’m sure that will help.