I think sometimes that I am not built for emotions.

I either feel nothing, or I feel too much.

Mostly it’s nothing. That’s the truth.

I have joked before that I’m ‘dead inside’. I don’t know why I would make that joke. It’s not even remotely funny.

But then I can also be overwhelmed by emotional input. And honestly, it’s mostly people throwing their emotions at me: Fear, desire, heartache, insecurity, loathing, lust, anger, hurt, confusion… and usually it’s fine. I appreciate that they trust me enough to share those things with me. It’s a privilege and I honour that. I am strong, I can take it, and sometimes I can help. I want to help.

But when it gets to be too much it can suck the life right out of me.

So then I am empty inside AND overwhelmed, both at the same time.

Emotionally wrung out without any emotions of my own.

So today, I’m in that space. Exhausted and empty.

It will pass, of course. I know this, and I know that writing about it gives it more weight than it deserves.

But still: Send champagne, I’m sure that will help.

Loves: 12
Please wait…

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  1. I’m sending you a crate! ???

    And yes, I know that feeling well – the wrung out and empty – and it sucks. Typically I write then, but lately I can’t sit still long enough.

    Enjoy the champs, my friend. xx Hy

    1. Thank you! *smile*

      And yes, it sucks. I generally can’t even get two words out when I feel like this: not a bad thing, frankly. It’s not interesting or worthwhile.

      Keep half the crate for yourself: we can share!


  2. I was going to send you some Champers but I drank it, do you want the empty bottle ? There’s ummm some chocolate wrappers and a strawberry truffle with a bite out of it too (I don’t like those)

    1. Thank you for the hugs and the mental champagne *smile*. I have put real champagne in the fridge, so I think it’s now twice as good.
      – Ferns

  3. “Mostly it’s nothing. That’s the truth.” A quite common experience for those who are so passionate and give so much to others. Hugs from us.

  4. Sorry to hear you’re feeling like that. It sounds like it completely sucks and why don’t we live in a world where you get free champagne whenever that happens? Honestly, it’s just the most obvious thing. Also, instead of boys purging their emotions onto you, shouldn’t they be out tending to the grapes, monitoring fermentation, stuff like that? They can purge emotions after they’ve finished.

  5. Strength is often confused with muscles. Emotions are often confused with weakness. This may be a good time to conflate the two into one idea. Emotional Strength is needed nowadays more than ever. Hugs from the Far North.

    1. Thanks Hunter.

      Someone mentioned ’emotional labour’ to me, and I think that’s exactly what it is: I’ve been doing a bunch of emotional labour, and if you put it like that, of course it’s draining and exhausting!


  6. Dear Ferns,

    I see your trouble at once. You are drinking too much Champagne. I brought you some Vodka.

    Doctor Satan

  7. “Right?! Free champagne should be mandatory for this! WHAT ARE WE, SAVAGES?!”

    Doctors not prescribing free champagne should be Struck-Off?!

    Next you will tell me they are not providing massage?

    I also have a poker ready to stoke your fire.

    Your Doctor Satan

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