The rising sun was still low over the horizon, a warm morning, the promise of a bright day. An early swim and play in the surf. I leapt at him full force, trying to take him down in the churning water. He held me lightly, amused. Could easily lift me overhead. Playful silliness.
I left the water first, drying myself on the beach. I watched him stride out of the surf towards me, the towel forgotten in my hand. The sun behind him turned him into a glowing god-like silhouette, unconscious loose-limbed grace: Tall, broad shouldered, tiny hipped, strong, beautiful. I wished I had a camera, instead I took a mental picture: it’s still a vivid image.
When we first met at a local bar, I was wearing heels. I point that out only to say that I was perhaps 6’1 to his 6’3. We sat, talked, had wine. An early little communication hiccup was quickly sorted, my reaching across the table to touch his hand to make sure we were still okay, the physical contact a small sweetness.
When we went out for dinner that first night, I was also wearing heels, now 6’2 to his 6’3. He seemed dismayed that the table was between us, I encouraged him to move his chair closer. We ate only a little of our meals, bird-like snacking, lots of talking. That night when we got back to my place, he picked me up and carried me into the bedroom as if I weighed nothing. It was hot and it made me laugh. I never get to feel petite and it’s totally a thing. Kissing and light exploration. I sent him home late.
The next morning when I answered the door in my bare feet and finally stood toe-to-toe with him, I had to look up for real, now a full 5 inches shorter than him.
“Well, look at you,” I said in wonder, tipping my head back. The height was part of it, but the man is all wide shoulders and lean muscle: delicious.
He smiled down at me. Both of us amused by the height difference. Me by the novelty of it, him by my delight in it. I seemed to say it every time I saw him and had to look up. “Well, look at you…”
He’s beautiful and he towers above me, which I just love and will never get over.
“We both know who’s stronger…” I said that a lot also when we tussled. Though I surprised him once when I managed to immobilise his legs with little effort, his comical look of surprise that he couldn’t just shift me still makes me laugh. It didn’t last long, all he had to do was lift my entire body off him to end that little stand-off.
We walked, we ate, we drank, we biked, we talked, we explored. We sat out on the deck eating, drinking, chatting, my feet nestled in his lap. He’s an impressive man, in all senses of the word.
He was keenly and wonderfully affectionate. Unexpected and lovely. I haven’t had that for a long time and I loved it. He would move his chair close to me when we sat, lean in for a kiss whenever we found ourselves paused out in the world, reach to touch me just because, drape an arm around my shoulders, seek out my hand to hold. I had almost forgotten how warm and sweet that feels.
We played: kissing, petting, teasing, denial, restraints, orgasm control. He complained about the denial. A lot. Just writing that makes me laugh. But in truth the ‘crying wolf’ is difficult for me with someone new (obviously “Oh it’s so terrible-hot” is so very different from “I’m really not enjoying this at all”) and it can be hard to tell one from the other if I can’t get a straight answer.
I asked him for impact play (he is not into pain), he asked me for arse play (after a bad experience): both were gentle explorations aimed at reassurance, not intensity. “I trust you,” he said, an offering that I don’t take lightly.
There were some stunning hints of vulnerability behind the cocky arrogance he carries in the world. Triggered by my hand around his throat, my foot on his face, moments that hinted at much more hidden underneath that I hadn’t come close to touching. The kind of glimpses that make me curious to see more.
I asked him to make me scrambled eggs one morning, and he made them for me each morning after that. Wanted to learn how the coffee machine worked. Washed dishes unasked. Made sure I had water. But oddly, he would also say ‘no’ to random things I asked of him. Things of no consequence. Perhaps pushing back just because. Perhaps wanting to be pushed. I didn’t push though, I didn’t know him well enough for that.
He was here for 5 days. Staying with me for the last 2 nights, I gave him the second bedroom. “That’s your room,” I said. He laughed at me. We played and kissed and he slept in my bed. I slept also, with this relative stranger in my bed. Unusual for me.
“I’ll leave at 9 in the morning,” he said to me the night before. When he left at 3pm, after breakfast and play and more talking, we kissed sweetly, didn’t speak of what might follow.
“You’re a good boy,” I said as a goodbye. He seemed surprised whenever I said it, no different this time. I assume he thought I meant ‘obediently submissive’ which he wasn’t, and which I wouldn’t expect from someone I’ve just met. But I didn’t mean that, I meant ‘I see you, you have been sweet and lovely with me, I appreciate you, and thank you’.
We spent about 112 hours together all up. That’s about 5-6 weeks worth of dating condensed into a very short time frame, but I still I feel as if I have barely touched the surface, skimming instead of diving deep.
I left the country almost immediately after he got in his car and started the 12-ish hour drive back home so there has been very little contact since. I feel adrift, he feels distant.
We haven’t talked about ‘what next’ yet. We will do that this week.
I enjoyed him a lot, I see potential and I don’t think we have even touched the edges of it yet. I absolutely think he’s worth the challenge of distance, but we have some communication issues that I think are going to be difficult to sort out remotely. They were evident in person, but physical proximity makes them less important, easier to deal with. They are going to be much bigger problems remotely. Sometimes distance is an opportunity, and sometimes it’s a barrier. In our case, I think it’s going to be the latter.
So, we will see where we can take it from here.