My first vanilla date

His introductory email was thoughtful and articulate. He’d not only read my profile, but he had also looked through my many Q&A responses and his note referenced both.

He was 6’2, a little younger than me, no photos.

I suggested we meet after a few exchanges. This must be a new record for me. My new strategy: ‘Dating immersion’. I didn’t ask for a photo. To be honest, I forgot.

He was nervous he said … Continue Reading

Loves: 14
Please wait...
Read More

Vanilla dating site: So how’s that workin’ out for ya?

If nothing else, putting a profile up on a vanilla dating site allows me the luxury of realising that online dating is online dating and the ratio of ‘oh FFS’ to ‘well, hello!’ in my inbox is probably going to be much the same as kink sites at about 1000 to 1.

I’ve not put anything about D/s in my profile, though there is a hint there for someone who might pick it up, but … Continue Reading

Loves: 8
Please wait...
Read More


There are a number of vanilla blogs* I read, written by women of 40+ who are single and dating. Sex bloggers. Good ones. And by that I mean that they write well, are smart, funny, open, honest and raw.

There is a hugely stark contrast between all of them and me in that they are all prolific daters, are on multiple dating sites, are very sex-focussed, are delighted to have casual sex/open to late night … Continue Reading

Loves: 9
Please wait...
Read More

Me and lingerie

I own two beautiful steel boned corsets, a couple of black lacy bras and some lace panties that I’ve had forever.

And that’s it for beautiful lingerie-type things.

I used to love lingerie way back when, but at some point I lost interest. Not because I don’t think it’s pretty and sexy, but because somehow it just became… impractical and too expensive and hard to justify.

Which it is, really.

But still, it sounds … Continue Reading

Loves: 17
Please wait...
Read More

e[lust] #78

Welcome to Elust #78

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #79? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!


~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Continue Reading
Loves: 1
Please wait...
Read More

Submissive, but not YOUR submissive

It gets stated a lot and it’s perfectly true: dominants should not expect random submissives to submit to them right out of the gate simply because they’ve slapped a label on themselves. When a dominant oversteps, a common form of pushback sounds like “I may be submissive, but I’m not YOUR submissive”, and fair enough.

When I am corresponding with a submissive man, I don’t expect him to submit to me.


I’m a strong … Continue Reading

Loves: 13
Please wait...
Read More

Happy 2016!

To all of my fabulous readers and commenters, thank you for your support and loveliness over the past 12 months (and longer for many of you!). I hope that 2016 brings you and yours much joy and love.

I am emerging from several weeks spent with 24/7 family familyfamilyFAMILY. Given I’m an introvert and they are lovely but difficult people, I am mentally and emotionally depleted. When I got home yesterday, I blasted some music … Continue Reading

Loves: 3
Please wait...
Read More