So, the date with the 6’5 cutie…
I texted him before I arrived at the restaurant and joked that he should wear a yellow ribbon so that I would recognise him. He fashioned something ribbon-ish out of post-it notes that he had presumably finagled from the wait-staff, and was wearing it tucked into his shirt when I arrived. Cute.
He stood when I approached the table, a half-hug hello, I clocked how big he was (very ‘former international rugby player’ big: wide shoulders, meaty arms) and got to check out how tall he was. He was taller than me in my 4″ heels, but didn’t ‘seem’ tall somehow.
We had a long lunch and talked. Mostly vanilla stuff, some past relationship stories, we touched on D/s a little, talked about work, gym, general interests… standard fare. There was no real flirty vibe between us, it was just… conversation.
He has pretty pale green eyes and a very full-lipped mouth which would normally have me transfixed, but he was a bit of a messy eater, so I couldn’t watch it as I normally might.
He suggested a walk after lunch, so we wandered off for a stroll down to the river.
He still didn’t feel all that tall to me, so I made him stop by a shop window to look at our reflections, and sure enough, even though my shoes probably made me 6’2, he was significantly taller than me. It was odd that I didn’t *feel* his height, maybe because we were not physically close or touching.
As we walked and talked some more, I kept having to tell him to slow down as he strode off like he was in a hurry to get somewhere. It was pleasant, but not really *working*. I stretched it out to see if we would connect a little better, asking him more about himself. He answered happily, unselfconsciously, but it felt a little like I was holding an interview in terms of how the conversation flowed. I suggested we have a drink overlooking the beach.
We conversed relatively easily, but even when we hit on topics that interested us both, it never really took off into that zone where you poke around in each others heads with curious delight. I felt as if he wasn’t *really* listening to me, we didn’t really have a strong rapport, and conversations ran out of steam relatively quickly.
All in all, we spent about four hours together. At the end I walked him to his car, wondering if it was worth trying a kiss to see how it felt.
We made goodbye noises, and I told him to give me a hug. I was standing on a curb so we were about the same height. The hug was sweet. Despite the height parity, I felt tiny, like being wrapped up by a bear. As we broke apart, I leaned in for a really soft kiss, barely anything, exploratory, just to see what it felt like, fingers under his chin to bring his face to me. His lips were really soft. He kept a hand on my hip and I could *feel* his desire to pull me against him, a slight urging.
He accepted the kiss, waiting for my lead, which I like.
I told him to give me another hug. It was tighter this time, he pulled me against him, he grabbed my arse – not a subtle stroke-feel, but a full on *grabbing my arse*.
“Get your hand off my arse…”
He laughed sheepishly and immediately did as he was told. There had been just enough contact to feel his hard-on.
A few moments more of very soft kissing, tasting him a little, trying to see if anything clicked for me, and we said goodbye.
I sent him an email the next day saying that I wasn’t feeling the kind of rapport I needed to feel to take it further. He sent me a friendly reply. All very civilised.
“I told him to give me another hug. It was tighter this time, he pulled me against him, he grabbed my arse – not a subtle stroke-feel, but a full on *grabbing my arse*.”
*shakes head* really?! why is it people can’t have just a little more respect than that upon first meeting. Of course I guess that is my double standard though as I won’t do that out of respect but I wouldn’t get upset if we were clicking and she did or she moved my hand or gave me the idea to do it was okay.
and oh goodness I hate messy eaters yuck..but hey at least you got out and answered the “is there” question instead of wondering if there would have been.
I’m going to say clearly up front that the 6’5 cutie is a good guy and he did nothing wrong. I’m now worried that he is going to be demonised *just because he went out on a date with me and it didn’t work out*. That’s horribly unfair, and plus it pretty much guarantees that I will never get a date again…
So having said that…
“*shakes head* really?!”
*laugh* Yes, really. Though I got to say the sentence, “Get your hand off my arse”, which makes me laugh even now. And he did so immediately.
Honestly, I thought it was amusing (which is why I told that bit of the story) and *if* I’d liked him, I’d have thought it was hot that my arse was so irresistable that he just HAD to grab it.
And along those lines, *I* kissed *him* and didn’t ask for permission, so if there was a line in the sand, I crossed it first.
I felt safe with him, I wasn’t freaked out by it, and it never crossed my mind that he wouldn’t stop immediately if I told him to.
“Of course I guess that is my double standard though as I won’t do that out of respect but I wouldn’t get upset if we were clicking and she did or she moved my hand or gave me the idea to do it was okay.”
Yes. This about the double standard is exactly right. It’s unfair to say ‘wow that’s disrespectful’ while also going ‘if I’d really liked them, I’d have been okay with it’.
“and oh goodness I hate messy eaters yuck”
You are putting me on the defensive on his behalf. It was not ‘eww gross!’ messy eating, it was just ‘crumbs at the corner of the mouth’ messy eating.
“but hey at least you got out and answered the “is there” question instead of wondering if there would have been.”
Yes. Yes, I did. So yay me!
Ah. Well they can’t all be instant chemistry! And thank goodness for that, really. Can you imagine trying to sort it out if we clicked with every single person we ever dated? What a mess. And I bet it wasn’t that bad of a time at all!
“He was taller than me in my 4″ heels, but didn’t ‘seem’ tall somehow.”
I can really relate to that. I see different people all day. And sometimes people surprise me with their height. They don’t seem tall, but then they are. Or they seem very wee, but then they’re not. I wonder if sometimes it’s me sensing something about their personality or “aura” if you believe in that sort of thing.
“and *if* I’d liked him, I’d have thought it was hot that my arse was so irresistable that he just HAD to grab it.”
I can really relate to that last bit! I have an overwhelming desire to… be desired by my submissive. I’m certainly one of those people for whom D/s, kink, S/m, and sex are very intertwined. I want to be so hot to him that he can’t keep his hands off me. And I want him to be so hot that I can’t keep my hands off him either.
“Can you imagine trying to sort it out if we clicked with every single person we ever dated? What a mess.”
This made me laugh! It wouldn’t be a mess for me, I would just go on one date and be done! I’d be very happy with that!!
“I wonder if sometimes it’s me sensing something about their personality or “aura” if you believe in that sort of thing.”
I don’t know how it works exactly, but it *is* strange isn’t it? I expected to be all swoony over his height (if nothing else) because I NEVER go out with men significantly taller than me (mostly they are a little taller, and the difference is negated as soon as I put heels on).
I didn’t do it on purpose, but I shouldn’t have stood on the curb when I kissed him. Damn you, hindsight!
“I have an overwhelming desire to… be desired by my submissive. I’m certainly one of those people for whom D/s, kink, S/m, and sex are very intertwined. I want to be so hot to him that he can’t keep his hands off me. And I want him to be so hot that I can’t keep my hands off him either.”
You totally hit it for me with this *nods wildly*.
I smile at this because it reminds me of times when I’ve been in a similar situation.
The best “First Dates” I’ve ever had were when I was just being together with someone and enjoying the conversation, while we explore each other’s minds.
Having a long lunch, a walk by the river, and then a drink overlooking the beach, sounds like a wonderful and relaxing way to spend spend four hours, while getting to know a lovely woman.
“There was no real flirty vibe between us, it was just… conversation.”
No matter how lovely the venue however, it’s the flirty vibe that I have the most trouble with. So often, I find that all those clever, funny, and insightful things I’d like to say somehow never seem to materialize. It’s only on the way home, after I’ve had a while to think about it, that I can come up with all sorts of wondrous things to say. Then I remember all the missed opportunities, and holes in the conversation, and I cringe. That’s when the ass kicking begins.
At least the follow up let down always begins… “You’re a really nice guy, but…”
“…it’s the flirty vibe that I have the most trouble with. So often, I find that all those clever, funny, and insightful things I’d like to say somehow never seem to materialize.”
I think everyone can relate to this, and I probably used a misleading term there because what you are describing is not what I meant.
Flirting is about the cute, “I’m attracted to you” ‘back-and-forth that happens if you are clicking. And I do think flirting is a skill of sorts, and some people aren’t very good at it.
That’s not really what I meant though.
I really meant that there was no ‘felt attraction’. I didn’t feel attracted to him, and didn’t feel any attraction *from* him, so that’s what I meant by ‘flirty vibe’.
I think that even if you are rubbish at flirting, you can still feel this mutual attraction via genuine interest in each other, in sincerely wanting to understand and hear more about the things they say, in eye contact, in watching their lips move, in lots of nodding-understanding…
The sort of thing that signals “I hear you, I *get* you, please tell me more… also I can barely restrain myself from going for your mouth right now…”
That versus some kind of awkward Q&A where you are *working* to keep the conversation going, trying to find some commonality that will trigger that feeling.
In short, it’s the ‘zing-zing’, and either it’s there and you both feel it, or it’s not.
I’m sorry the date didn’t work out, that there weren’t any kind of *zing*, even if the conversation was good. Sometimes there are sparks, and sometimes there aren’t. But good on you that you went on the date to find out. =)
Thanks, I’m sorry too. Boo!
“Sometimes there are sparks, and sometimes there aren’t.”
Yes, mostly ‘aren’t’!
“But good on you that you went on the date to find out.”
Yep, I tried, so yay me!