I’m just going to place this here: a shot across the bow for all of you romantics and well-wishers, so you know what is coming… so I don’t feel like I am misleading you.
There will be no happy ending for bambi and me.
There, I said it, quietly, with regret.
I am not wanting to dwell on it or talk about it right now because I don’t want to spend what little time we have left spinning into the sadness that I know is coming. Writing about it requires me to explore that space, and I just don’t want to right now. It is there in my peripheral vision and I refuse to look directly at it. There will be time enough for that.
I am concentrating on the positives while he is here so that I can enjoy him to the best of my ability (and I *do* enjoy him very much). We are spending time kissing and playing and exploring and cuddling and pashing and making the most of what works with us, and all of that works beautifully. We are both trying to avoid spiralling into what doesn’t work, stepping lightly so as not to sink into it.
Suffice it to say he is a truly lovely boy, and I want to say grand and sweet things about him because they are true, and I am not sure he quite believes me when I tell him so. Enough for now to say that I am beyond sad that he won’t be mine.