Profile: From ‘no’ to ‘oh yes please’

With all the talk of profiles that is always going on, and my ‘No, bad profile, bad!!’ thing, I have permission from the lovely man who prompted this post to show you ‘before’ and ‘after’.

He turned up on my ‘who’s viewing me’ list on CollarMe, so I went and took a look at his profile. It looked like this:


This boy needs to learn who comes first.

Although he’s a successful and professional alpha male in public, the boy acknowledges that he has always felt happiest when dreaming about serving a worthy lady. He knows that he has much to learn about pleasing a lady, and accepts that he must put in considerable effort to improve himself for her benefit.

The boy is initially seeking the guiding hand of a dominant lady who is willing to teach him to fulfil her needs above his. He is relatively inexperienced but is open to engaging in most safe and sane activities if the lady desires them for her amusement and satisfaction once appropriate trust is established.

While the boy intends to always remain respectful and polite, he requests that any ladies considering contacting him understand that until such time as they may take it further together they are both equals and strangers. As such, he feels it inappropriate to use the D/s protocols of the written word that seem to prevail on some D/s websites and forums at this early stage.

If you think there may be a possibility that the boy could learn to serve you, he would be honoured if you would introduce yourself to him as a first step in determining if he might be worthy to serve under you.


It was obviously written by someone who had given it some thought, and had some smarts, but the style of it had an odd fantasy-based Gorean flavour, and the dichotomy between him saying (quite rightly) that he felt it was inappropriate to use ‘D/s protocols of the written word’ in the early stages while presenting himself as ‘the boy’ made no sense to me. So I contacted him to ask him about it.

An exchange ensued, in which I essentially gave him the advice I posted here, and continued to nudge at him for improvements. The end result made me so happy, and stupidly proud (like a mother hen, sending her little chicklet out into the world), that I wanted to share it here.



Seedling reaching up to the light

Educated in the English public school system and placed on a one-way track to a traditional life and career, I was taught to take responsibility for my actions, to be self-reliant and to be a leader of men. Very much a “left brainer”, I saw everything in absolute black and white as I moved along the path that I’d been guided to. However, it’s not all bad!

Gradually becoming aware that this path wasn’t for me, I’ve astounded myself, friends and family with a deep creativity that I frequently access with the help of red wine. The light has turned on inside me and I’m now very actively engaged in changing myself from the stereotype I was lead to believe in, to being someone who is embracing a completely different way of thinking. I’ve seen the wealth of opportunities around me in all aspects of my life, and I’ve even discovered that I can trust my intuition!

I highly value friends who take action to go against the flow and take a risk in life to fulfil their passions and dreams; it is far better to have tried and failed than to be a weak and timid soul who never tried at all. I’m actively trying to be a “good finder” in everyone I meet and to appreciate the colour they bring into my life.

People that know the public me would likely describe me as reliable, honest, conservative, organised, successful, determined, flexible, respected and a decision maker. I think it would blow their socks off if they had even the slightest inkling that the inside me I have a burning desire for a private life where I serve and obey my lady with her being the one in control.

This is the beginning of a journey that I’ve thought about for many years, but if I had Potter like skills with a magic wand this would be the vision for my spell:

I’d retain my commanding persona in public life and be an equal as well as a perfectly masculine gentleman for my beautiful lady. We’d enjoy dining out together as a happy couple, making new friends and embarking on adventures together in the great outdoors. Away from public gaze our relationship would be anything but equal, with our life together completely structured around my serving her in every way. A few of our trusted friends would know the truth of our relationship and be there to support us in our choices.

Our home life would be based around my service to her, with elements of ritual to reinforce our chosen dynamic. I’d be grateful to be under her loving but strict control, in the certain knowledge to my lady would make me really have to earn my rewards to help me appreciate them.


Even the longest journey starts with the first steps, and I’m now taking mine. Like driving a car through the night, I trust that the road is out there beyond where I can see in the lights and that I’ll eventually get to my destination. If you are someone who might like to accompany me on the journey or are willing to offer directions, I’d love to hear from you.


Yay! Now that’s the profile of a man who I would look twice at. I might even look three times.


Loves: 10
Please wait…

You may also like


  1. Hi Ferns:

    That is quite a transformation! Those posts sound like they were written by two different people. Kudos!

    Men want to cut to the chase and discuss the sexual aspect right away i.e. “how everything is going to work” re D/s roles and protocol. Little do they realize that discussing their kinky needs and desires is not the best place to start. Women are much more subtle and nuanced. They prefer a little mystery, a dash of seduction and require a sense of the whole person before taking that leap into the unknown. Or so it seems to me…

    You are rightfully proud to have affected that transformation Ferns! ;-)

    1. hmp: “Those posts sound like they were written by two different people. Kudos!”

      I know, he did a great job! And honestly, I think that there are many newbies out there who just need a little nudge back into normalcy from the edge of ‘crazy BDSM world’. *If* they are willing to listen, and actually have the goods, they can absolutely bring it.

      As an addendum, he said he got an email out of the blue from a dominant woman who said it was the “best profile I have read here”! Yay!!


    1. “Ferns, did you write that for him? Honestly??”

      *laugh* I did not, pinkie promise! It’s all him, I just provided a bit of guidance.

      Isn’t he awesome? Who *is* that guy?


    1. *smile* It *is* much better isn’t it?

      “Maybe you should start a class in profile writing”

      Oh god no!! *laugh* If they need more than some general guidance and nudging, I haven’t the patience for it.

      “NO!!! JUST… NO!!! START AGAIN!!!” and etc.


    1. I did offer to give him publicity here by sharing his nick, but he didn’t come back to me with a yea or nay about it, so I’m not comfortable giving it out (I will say, though, that he is not in the US, so it is probably a moot point for you).

      Regardless, I will point him at your question here, and maybe, if he is brave *nudge poke push*, he will come into the comments here and reveal himself in all his glory.


  2. Oh, lovely profile at the end. What a transformation! Ferns, you’re gatewaying camoflaged dommes *and* civilising submissive males…you’re doing good work, you are. :)

    That is indeed a profile I would look at and linger over, and even take the lead on contacting. Well done to you both!

    1. “Ferns, you’re gatewaying camoflaged dommes *and* civilising submissive males…you’re doing good work, you are. :)”

      *laugh* Thank you!! I am like the Mother Theresa of BDSM!

      “That is indeed a profile I would look at and linger over, and even take the lead on contacting.”

      Me too! Sometimes they just need a little nudge in the right direction and they show their potential. I love that!


  3. I was completely put off by the second profile. lols. I did like the first one, to a certain extent, seeing what he thinks of himself and what he offers to the domme.
    However, its great food for thought to be able to see the man more clearly, so one can start the filter process early. To see possible compatibility earlier.
    I understand the point of a more fuller well written profile, and I do wonder if there are ways to do it better. The second profile was very well written, but I would never have been enticed to contact the profilee. I did not click with what he wrote, but maybe that’s the point. Only those that do, would be more likely to want to get to know him more and save us both more grief? [shrugs]
    Ima chewing…..lols.

    1. “I did not click with what he wrote, but maybe that’s the point.”

      Yes, I do think that’s the point.

      There are a million ways to do it and we all like different things. There is no ‘getting it right for all women’ (of course!) – that would imply we had a hive mind.

      But I DO think what anyone should do when they are writing a profile is present who they are in a way that uniquely reflects who they are. His first effort was not that (*especially* with the contradictions around D/s writing ‘protocols’. It was nonsense!).


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *