Moving house

Step 1: Find somewhere else to live (yay, exciting!)

Step 2: Apply for tenancy, get the go ahead

Step 3: Plan the move, create a spreadsheet with a to-do list (geekery!)

Step 4: Do paperwork for exiting current apartment, redirecting mail, cutting off and connecting utilities, informing a gazillion organisations (each of these requires at least an hour of frustration)

Step 5: Co-ordinate and get quotes for moving, cleaning, carpet steaming, assess quotes and confirm availability with various service providers (this means multiple phone calls and call backs and shifting choices as the prices change and availability is confirmed, or not…)

Step 6: Get boxes… grossly underestimate how many I need because “I don’t have much stuff” (these are famous last words that will confound me over the next two weeks)

Step 7: Start packing in the most efficient and organised way

Step 8: Do more packing

Step 9: Where the fuck did all this stuff come from?!

Step 10: Find red wine (which I don’t even drink!) in the back of the pantry, drink red wine spritzers with ice (don’t judge me!), give up on packing for the day

Step 11: More packing, like, every day… stall and procrastinate consistently… get distracted by photo albums and pee buckets and cute notes in the bottom of bags and things that I should throw away but don’t

Step 12: Realise that I am a hoarder of boxes… realise also that my appalling memory means that any useful boxes are found only AFTER I have painstakingly packed whatever the boxes are for (champagne glasses, drinking glasses, speakers, coffee grinder etc). Swear a lot.

Step 14: Still packing… FFS!

Step 15: Whine and complain incessantly about how tedious it is. All my friends stop talking to me because they really can’t bear to hear about it anymore (selfish fuckers!)

Step 16: Want wine, but it’s all packed… Swear some more. Finish vodka in the freezer with mango-coconut natural ice things and pretend it’s a proper cocktail that doesn’t look like runny come. Get drunk.

Step 17: Yet more packing, careful organisation of boxes breaks down as I get more and more irritated with the entire process and find stuff and more stuff, the apartment gets crowded with boxes

Step whatever: Oh fuck it, chuck things randomly in whatever boxes happen to be handy and not yet full. Yes, that box contains my wok, some underwear, a sock, 3 spoons, a pillowcase and some soap



Saving grace: Soon, I will be living at the beach!!

Loves: 1
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  1. When my Dom needs to pack or clean, he drinks white wine. Strangely, it makes him really productive!

    Wine doesn't do that to me. I just get really really horny and then fall asleep. Blah.

  2. Elisabeth: “When my Dom needs to pack or clean, he drinks white wine. Strangely, it makes him really productive!”

    *laugh* I would love to try that tonight, but my wine is packed!! Though of course, if I just got horny and fell asleep, that would be somewhat disappointing.


  3. How exciting and frustrating. Just went through that whole process just this spring after purchasing a house. I still have boxes in the basement. My advice.. keep the alcohol handy. It's just as tedious on the other end.

  4. My favourite part is step whatever :) I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who starts randomly chucking things into the closest box toward the end of the packing.

  5. The beach!

    Whenever I'm packing I start with the best intentions and by the time I'm packing towels and things I realize how much easier it is to pack with giant yard bags… throw it in, I'll sort it when I get there… And never ever never pack all the wine!!!

    *bites tongue and resist all comments about the annihilation of red wine*

    You should have a play list of sunny beachy music on hand… surely you have a minion to compose that about somewhere… We need a Ferns fan club so that we can organize such task for you when needed.

  6. 'Step whatever' Usually comes in right after step 8 or so…Patience is not a virture that I possess. lol

    I hope you're almost done! I moved 10 times in 2 years, several years ago. I had a system down pat and could get everything packed in record time. The beach will be worth all the effort :)


  7. My last move I discovered that when you get down to the desperation must empty house point you can sit stuff out on the curb with a sign that says “Free” and people will flock to take it away for you.

  8. ooooo – congratulations!

    I personally love moving. I will say I hate it by the 5th day or so of work, but I really love it. I have done it so much. And it may be the only time the underneath of things gets cleaned. Even when I am happy where I live – I look at rentals. It is a sickness.


  9. :laughs:

    As a veteran of several moves, I applaud your efforts, especially the last few.

    Personally, I just use those occasions to rent a huge bin and start tossing things out. Or I make a few trips to the local shelter, Goodwill store, church tag sale, whatever. I figure if I didn't use it in the last year or two, then why am I holding on to it?

  10. This old post was randomly at the bottom of the one you did from the past on twitter today. Oh my god this, all of this. My landlord is selling my house so I need to move and I haven’t managed steps 1 & 2 yet, but I’m living the nightmare of all your other steps on a daily basis.

    This is my life. You predicted it 8 years ago! I suddenly feel so much better at being in a complete tither about it all.

    No beach likely for me though :(

    1. In case you are interested, I’m currently on Step 15: – ‘Whine and complain incessantly about how tedious it is. All my friends stop talking to me because they really can’t bear to hear about it anymore (selfish fuckers!)’. Wait, what, you don’t want to know about it??? Selfish fuckers.

    2. Bahahahaha! I’m psychic!!

      My last two moves have also been because the landlord sold the place. Ugh.

      Moving is totally tither-worthy! I recommend more wine.

      Good luck with it.


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