When I play, my submissive doesn’t get to just be the passive recipient of my attention. For me there is a feedback loop between my submissive and me that either works or doesn’t. It can’t be faked, it is part of D/s ‘chemistry’ for me, maybe others call it connection or intimacy or some such, but for me it is a combination of indefinable things. He feeds me with his honest and open reactions (lust, fear, pain, hurt, desire, embarrassment…), he reaches in and gives of himself, and I take it greedily and transform it into something else and point that energy back at him with full force, and so it goes.
I can play with two people in the same way and the actions and reactions may *look* pretty much the same if someone were watching, but with one it may ‘work’ for me, with the other it may not. Authentic vulnerability, a willingness to ‘go there’ with me, an openness that I can ‘see’, a desire I can feel, a direct acknowledgement of me (vs acknowledgment of sensation), all that and more is what makes a play partner ‘good’ for me.
I recall talking to a submissive once who said of play, “Easy for me, I just have to show up and do what I’m told”, and my reaction was “Yeah, good luck with that!”. The lack of understanding of what he had to offer to a dominant would likely make playing with him a rather dull and unrewarding experience for me.
I think that the types of submissives I like have a kind of innate ability to bring that to me. I say ‘innate’ because it is not necessarily about about ‘experience as a submissive’. I know from blessed experience that complete newbies are absolutely capable of bringing me what I need, on a silver platter, with fresh succulent strawberries, extra heavy rich cream, lightly dusted sugar, and sweet, fat, juicy, irresistable cherries on top. *Mmmmmmmmmmmm…*
What was I talking about again?