I have described myself as difficult and demanding, I don’t let things go, I will not accept ‘less than’, but I am only that way about things that I care about and there are a gazillion things that I really don’t care about. At all.
I am not a control freak in my daily life (seriously, I am not!), I don’t have ‘domly’ expectations of the people I know, I don’t have impossibly high standards, I have no desire to control my general environment or the people in it, I am not obsessive about domestics, I don’t have a special way that I need things done in order to consider them ‘done right’, I’m not particularly ambitious, I don’t have a drive to be the boss in my little world. I would say I am as good a follower as a leader. In fact, if I don’t care about something, I *prefer* to follow rather than lead because if I have no strong opinion, then I am not motivated or interested in taking the lead.
In short, I am pretty easy going as a person walking around in the world, though I am aware that the snippets that I show of myself here may not reflect that because I am *not* easy going when it comes to my submissive. That’s because in my personal relationships, I care, and I care a lot, to the umpteenth degree. I keep him on a tight leash because control is one of my fetishes, because having him ‘right here with me, close to me, inside of me’ means reaching into his head and pulling the strings as an act of intimacy. I see his obedience as a way for him to express his affection for me. He has to see it that way also, that his obedience is an act that binds us, or it won’t work for me.
Every time he does what I say, every time he says “Yes, Ma’am”, he is whispering, “This, sweetheart, is for you.” *swoon*
That’s why I am so difficult, why I won’t let things go, why I demand things. I want to give him the opportunity to show his affection for me at every turn, and I show my affection for him by setting expectations and making sure he meets them. It is a dance of intimacy, and we each play our part (me, of course, going backwards, wearing high heels…).