There is something about the boys I like, something intangible, something they can’t help in themselves, something unconscious, inviting and irresistible.
I have tried, over the years, to define what it is, to explain it, and have used words like vulnerability, and bravery, and prey, and of those, prey is the closest to describing it, that indefinable ‘it’.
They can’t pretend to have it, there is no kowtowing or genuflecting or ‘acting it out’ that works, there is no way to contrive it or guide someone into it. They either have it, or they don’t and those boys, those boys that I like, they just have it.
And unlike some stereotypical fantasy, it is not evident in the way they behave towards me, it is not superficial, it is not on show. They can be bold, or shy, or cool, or nervous, or confident… it makes not a whit of difference, I can smell it, underneath, it seeps from their pores and wafts around them, I can taste it on my tongue, that dizzying potential, that pull that comes from deep in my stomach, that makes me feel sick and excited. They may not even know that they have it, that they are projecting it in flashing neon over their heads, but they see it reflected in me, and it triggers them, like a silent call, subsonic, it strikes straight and true.
The ones I love most are the newbies, those who don’t know how to recognise it yet, those who don’t know that they have it, those who think I react this way to all boys, they think it’s normal, they think this is how it is for me with ‘submissives’. It’s not, you know, I tell them. It’s not normal for me, it’s not normal or common or typical, it’s incredibly rare and impossible and beautiful. I can tell that they don’t quite believe it, they can’t believe, somehow, that they are special and that, that right there, is part of it, that humble wonder, that eye widening disbelief, all that, all of it makes up part of the unconscious invitation, the one where they silently, blatantly, secretly ask me to take them by the hand, ask me to look them up and down and wait for me to say, ‘hello boy’.