I don’t want ‘play’, the pretty, the tools, the toys, the games, the amusement, the cute, the acts, the implements, the controlled, the measured give and take, the things.
I want violence, force and shoving and slapping and tearing at flesh and smashing you to the ground and not giving a fuck about you. I want fear and helplessness and tears and surrender and panic and animal lust. I want growling and screaming and grunting and gasping for breath. I want that fucking violence, that desperation, that grabbing selfish need, messy and passionate and out of control.
I miss it.
Where the fuck are you?