Sunday curiosity #3

Sunday again… hello!  I hope you all had a good week.

Before the Q&A, I thought I would entertain you with a short email exchange that goes a way to explaining why dominant women might get kind of fed up with some of the contacts they get on CollarMe or Fetlife or similar sites.  I very rarely get explicitly rude emails (saved from the cock shots by having a practically empty profile and no photos), but I do sometimes get emails from boys who seem to have lost all of their brain cells in what I can only imagine was some unfortunate accident…

random boy:
am searching for a woman that i can give love and also reciprocate… want to hear from u

Hello random boy,

May I suggest that a one sentence broadcast email that is obviously being scatter-gunned to every woman in the world who calls themselves a dominant and which has no capitalisation, uses text speak and does not even have a rudimentary attempt at personalisation is going to fail, oh, 99.9% of the time.

Best of luck with the remaining 0.1%, though I suspect they are probably blokes.


random boy:
i dont understand what u are saying


I do like the ones that make me laugh… bless ’em.  And now, to questions!

Yardbird said…

So nice to learn more about you. I don’t know why, but knowing you’re in your 40s adds so much more depth to your writings, as a woman who has the maturity and experience that you do, your not a 20-something idealist.

My question for you is this: If I were to pass by you, say, at the grocery store or post office or school or on the street, would I see any evidence that you are a dominant woman, is ther any distinguishing characteristic?

Perhaps the question is somewhat rhetorical. I just wonder about that as I see women out in regular life, and I think “hmm, I wonder if she has a crop and strapon at home, and an obedient and happy boy.”

Hello Yardbird, I am glad to hear that my maturity has advantages… we happen to be the same age… I’m sure that doesn’t colour your opinion one little bit…

As to your question,  I actually don’t believe you can ‘pick ’em’ by certain characteristics, however I think that in my case, you might take a reasonable guess that I am a dominant woman, because in some ways I am kind of stereotypical.  I am tall, confident and opinionated and I wear some fetishy shoes and boots in my vanilla life.  I have also been told by some people that I am a little ‘scary’ on first meet, so I imagine that an observant submissive might speculate.  Mind you, they might see another woman has the exact same characteristics who is totally NOT dominant…

The problem with characterisations like that is that they reinforce the stereotypes.  While you may think that you can pick the ‘type’ (whether it’s gays, lesbians, submissives, dominants, bisexuals, anything) using stereotypical traits, you will never even see the ones who are against type, and they may be everywhere… EVERYWHERE I tell you!!

englishmale said…

Hi there……englishmale again….love this way of doing things….my first question is…..I have read your profile from the beginning and it seems to be more erotic stories at the beginning, when you met, how it first happened. Now you seem to be talking less in that style. Do you agree your writing has changed and why would you say this is the case? Question 2. What are you wearing ;)?

Hello englishmale (dan…is that you?),

I have not so much been paying attention to my style over time, but I wouldn’t question your observation – it could well be true. I write about what is going on with me and it makes sense that how I write about this relationship would change as the relationship evolves, as it gets deeper emotionally. In that context, the things that inspire me to write become more internally focussed. I *feel* as if I haven’t changed how I write, because I write about things that have an impact on me, but I do think that it makes sense if I consider that the energy in a relationship evolves as it grows and my writing reflects that.

As for what I am wearing?  It is coming into summer in Australia… I am wearing a sarong, blue hues and pretty.

dan englishman said…

Sorry yes it is dan – englishman – I have just read back on some earlier posts. If you look back to November 2008, for instance “biting”, it comes across to me as scary, dangerous, its like he is their for your physical pleasure, you dont really care for him…..fashforward to November 2009 and it is more about your feelings to him, your love, talk of heart. You love comes across a lot. I know you don’t take other men but wonder how you would write about a session with them?

Yes, I see what you mean. I think there are a few reasons for that, some of which I have mentioned above, but I also think that once I have covered a particular topic, there is not much more to say about it unless there is something new in it that particularly hits me hard, makes my head spin, causes that incessant voice in my head to natter at me until I get it onto the page.

I tend not to write multiple stories about the same type of play unless there is something new to say about it. It’s not that it isn’t as intense or amazing or powerful to me each time, but I won’t revisit it if I don’t have anything new to say about it.  I am exploring, throughout, how I feel about things, what resonates with me, what makes me go ‘oh my god!!’, and it is what it is. I don’t really feel like I make conscious choices about it.

Now, question 2… If I played with another man, one I didn’t care about, I would expect to have pretty much nothing to say about it because I doubt that it would rouse my passion, it’s superficial. Whack, whack, kick, slap, ‘kneel, boy’, smack, shove etc. It would be garden-variety scene talk. I need a deeper connection to get something back.  I really don’t do casual play anymore for that reason, haven’t done for years.  It would have been quite interesting to me how it would have turned out if this boy hadn’t turned me down when I was completely frenzied (silly boy!).

dan – englishman said…

dan – englishman again…….why dont you show more of yourself on here? Other people do the usual HNT but not you? Scared of people discovering you or do you think the illusion would be shattered? Or simply us pervs should get our kicks somewhere else ;)?

am i becoming a stalker?

feels weird having read you so much to be corresponding. you ever talk on msn?

dan! I haven’t heard from you in ages! Nice to see you here again.

I’m a dominant woman who writes about things that inspire me. I reveal pretty much everything in my writing. I don’t provide pictures because I have zero interest in exposing my face or my body to strangers – it’s irrelevant. And yes, as you point out, there are a gazillion places to go to get pictures of half naked women – I don’t need to add this blog to make it a gazillion and one. Mind you, IF I were to get all HNT-ish, you would be seeing more pictures like this one because that’s what I like…

No, you are not a stalker… you shall have to work on that!

Does it feel weird to be corresponding with me? I assume it’s because I am now a bit more of a real person (I am, you know… hello dan…). And yes, I do IM with friends who make it past the machine gun turrets and minefields.

Julian said…

I’m loving the blog, but have a really important and relevant question.

Dannii or Kylie?

Oh Julian, you are so right… that is both important AND relevant, but come on now… Kylie, the gold hot-pantsed singing budgie with her perennial ability to turn up looking like a tiny little drag queen, is of course far far superior to Dannii whose claim to fame is too much botox and the ability to squeal enthusiastically at untalented talent show contestants without displaying a single facial expression…

I am happy to respond to any more questions, just post them in the comments on this thread and I shall put on my best frock, organise coffee, and we can have a chat about it next Sunday.

Loves: 2
Please wait…

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  1. Dan englishman – What is your first dominant memory? My submissive memory involves a girl next door, both of us too young to be playing anything more than show and tell…her persuading me to go first, manipulates the situation…i give in, show her what she wants to see and she ran off and told her mum what i had done. The bitch. Still brings a smile out remembering the confused, humiliating, angry emotions. Being chastised by her mum whilst she stood grinning….often wondered how she turned out lol

  2. Dan englishman – do you have a challenge for us in here? How could we feel what it is like to submit to you? Would be fascinating if you picked a person and set them a task. Jealousy for all the others who are not asked. Terror maybe for the person.

  3. Have you ever had submissive men not turn up to planned meetings, or turn up enough times to play and then disappear? Are they just liars and fakes?

  4. You mentioned somewhere that you found your boy online. I seem to search high and low to no avail and am curious to know how you found him? What made him stand out? How did you know he was one of the good ones?


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